Sunday, February 26, 2017

Redneck Red Carpet Review

The Oscars are tonight folks and the celebs are in full on fluff, puff and blow dry mode as we speak. The cleanses and microdermabrasions have been completed, and there ain't a pair of Spanx to be found on the shelves in the entire state of California. But sadly, with the recent discovery of another solar system, scientists say these new life forms have invaded our beloved performing artists' minds, which explains their erratic behavior of late.

Yep, the good ol' days are gone when the most shocking thangs we saw on the red carpet were some of these epic designs:
Cher 1986
Demi Moore 1989
Whoopi Goldberg 1993
Bjork 2001
Diane Keaton 2004
Helena Bonham Carter 2011
 
And it's a crap shoot now what the aliens will allow to spew out of the winners' mouths when they have the honor of standing at the podium. Ya can't really count on the run of the mill thank you to the cast and crew, or a tear jerker message to Momma, or even the occasional plug to some obscure nonprofit. So for my own mental stability, I can no longer watch award shows until word on the street is that the aliens have been extracted from our celebs and returned to their own planets. Hopefully Hollywood will then return to the Hollyweird we all know and love. Until then, I prefer to remember a simpler time with my all time favorite Oscar speech:
 
 
 
 
Pictures: Here
 

 
 
 
 


22 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Everybody has a right to their own opinion, but these award shows used to be about celebrating the arts and performances. Now not so much.

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  2. I think David called it.
    I also think aliens took over the celebrities years ago...

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    1. Hahaha. We need an alien intervention so the celebrities can go back to just being on the fringe.

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  3. Last year was a bit bitter for me, now Leo has one more Oscar than I do

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  4. Whoopi was lovely, the hilarious aspect of Diane Keaton's outfit is that she is actually serious about it, it wasn't meant to be ridiculous as it was :)

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    1. My fave is Cher of course. With abs like that who cares what she wears.

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    2. Well in that time I'm guessing she exercised a lot on Tom Cruise... in bed...
      I've decided not to do the Oscars redcarpet report for the first time in ten years, it was just so boring, not a single well dressed star

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  5. Now its gotten super duper pathetic. Turned into a let's bash this and that thing as rich schmucks pat rich schmucks on the back. Aliens are dumbing down the masses, no need to attack, just use the celebrity twits.

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    Replies
    1. It''s almost as pathetic as me not being able to comment on your blog. :(

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  6. "Stories of honest working people as told by rich Hollywood stars." Watching anyone congratulate themselves and pat each other on the back has never been something that appealed to me, no matter who it was.

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  7. I can't and don't watch it either, JKIR.
    But I had fun watching FB light up after that hugely embarrassing blunder over best picture. You'd think the president or Putin had intervened. Oy.

    I remember when it was a big deal that Diane Keaton wore a man's suit. I love that woman.

    PS David Segel, I'm liberal. I take no responsibility for the Oscar's crap. In fact, it appalls me. Kindly do not attach "liberal" to everything you hate. Thank you.

    Cheers, Deb.

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  8. "The Oscars - where celebrities all gather together and let other celebrities pat them on the back for what a great job they did being celebrities this year! Also, a platform for people who are not in touch with the common man to preach about politics they most likely don't even understand!"

    Big shocker here, but we don't watch, either.

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  9. I have been off the computer for more than a week thanks to out of town guests being here (am I being a bitch when I tell you that I am thankful they left this morning??)

    I no longer watch any awards show live but I do record them so I can do a fast-play and see who looks like a freak.

    I remembered all your past picks with the exception of the Demi Moore outfit. WOW...that was one for the books.

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  10. I have that same dress as Whoopie Goldberg! What are the odds??

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