Monday, June 6, 2016

I Did Not Kidnap Richard Simmons

Oh Dear GAWD people, I woke up yesterday and read the news that one of my favorite celebrities, Richard Simmons, was hospitalized for exhibiting bizarre behavior. I know some of you are thinkin', "what's bizarre when it comes to Richard?" Well to me, that means anything uncharacteristic of his normal flamboyant, exuberant personality.
 
So ya know I've been following this story very closely, because Richard has not been seen publicly for over 2 years. In fact, I was one of the last people to see him (among millions of others) at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in 2013. There he is waving as he floats by and I'm honestly jumpin' up and down, screamin' his name like a freakin' maniac 'cause I'm one of his crazed fans. I got my sweatin' to the oldies work out right there on the streets of NYC.
 
But sadly about 3 months ago the story broke that he was bein' held hostage in his own home by his longtime housekeeper. I'm goin' on record right now and  swearin' on the holy bible I did not break through the crowd, chase down that giant green turtle float, hoist my fat ass up there, and kidnap that striped zebra. Seriously folks, he is Richard Simmons after all.
 
He would have taken me out! Plus, y'all know I can't be the perp 'cause I hate housework.
 
 
Story: Here


27 comments:

  1. I guess that lets you off the hook then. Although you're probably strong enough to do it.

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  2. I read it yesterday too but did not know what he was in there for... Poor Dicky, we do love him so much! Hope all them stories ain't true...

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    Replies
    1. Me too Dezzy. I wish him well. He brings happiness to lots of people.

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  3. Richard Simmons... Well, I'm not sure what to think of you now. Or of Richard, who seems to have orange hair. The only difference between his and that other media personality who is moving way too close to the Oval Office is that Simmons orange top is curly.

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    1. Hahaha but Richard can do glitter squats. I don't think Trump can pull those off without pulling a groin.

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  4. Bizarre? That's what we love best about him :) His larger than life personality made him a fitness icon in the late 70s and into the 80s. And beyond...

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  5. So sad!! He was such an 80's icon for sure.

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  6. Maybe he was going all Stockholm Syndrome with his denial of the hostage thing. Or he's going to use it to cash in. Misery 2 - Sweatin it to Oldies.

    Wait...you kidnapped him through proxy, right? The cat thinks you protest too much lol

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha you just never know with Richard. Sure hope he's keeping up with his deal a meal plan.

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  7. Within the past 2 years, the USA has become the most obese nation in the world. Within the past 2 years, Richard Simmons has completely disappeared from the public eye. Coincidence? We think not.

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  8. I once confused Russell Simmons for richard Simmons and my coworkers have yet to let me live it down. Smh

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  9. I didn't realize he has been MIA for the last couple of years. I used to buy some of his tapes and such and admire him for his efforts to get people exercising. He seems like a genuinely nice guy.

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  10. I wonder how he kept the weight off - as a hostage and all. It is kinda sad and stranger than strange. They diagnosed him with dehydration. Really, medical "experts"? Dehydration? Richards Simmons issues far surpass needing some water.

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  11. I'm guessing x-ray and a coke bottle

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  12. The things you don't realize until you are told...hope he's fine and its all just drama. Greetings!

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  13. I hear he asked to be Donald Trump's campaign manager. As good a reason for hospitalization that I can see.

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