Monday, February 29, 2016

Redneck Red Carpet Recap

So the Oscars were last night, and even though the fashions were not quite as outrageous as the Grammys, there were still some winners and losers in my humble redneck opinion. And it's times like these when Joan Rivers is sorely missed 'cause she would have straight up told her fashion police cohost Giuliana Rancic to tone down that spray tan baby 'cause blacks were boycotting the Oscars this year.
Well at least there was some racial diversity on the red carpet.
And the Oscar goes to Cate Blanchett for showing us that the applique is A- OK!
Kerry Washington's scandalous leather number should be reserved for her TV character.
Brie Larson is a wave of beauty.
A modern day matador pretending to be Jared Leto.
Olivia Wilde was one sneeze away from the wardrobe malfunction award.
Charlize Theron is drop red gorgeous!
Ok Amy I'll have the moo goo gai pan.
Heidi should take her flower power to a garden party.
Can someone please buy poor Saoirse Ronan a pair of boobs to hold up this dress?
Costume designer Sandy Powell wins for best reincarnation of David Bowie.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Redneck Red Carpet Recap

The Grammys were last night, and although I didn't watch 'cause the award show competed with the crazy bitches vying for true love on The Bachelor, I did check out the fashions. Lemme tell ya folks, the red carpet was pure entertainment this year even though I don't know half of these people. Now you can see women in purdy dresses and guys in tuxes any day of the week, so let's just get to the fun shall we....
Hello Kitty (Dencia) dressed for a pajama party.
Lady Gaga going patriotic for President's Day.
Oh the tangled web ZLaLa weaved!
Janelle Monae goin' for the hat trick.
The Hollywood Vampires dressing the part.
Let's face it, Skylar Grey needs a stylist.
Ciara forgot to tie on the other half of her dress.
Sam Hunt can not pull off pretty in pink.
I'm not over the moon with Florence Welch's celestial dress.
Who allowed Nicole Trunfio to fly out of her bat cave?

Monday, February 15, 2016

Washington's Birthday

OK old farts, who remembers this candy? I used to get these cherry lollipops once a year for Washington's birthday. My Mom would get a little plastic bag of them in early February and I would think that was so special. What a way to salute George chopping down that cherry tree!

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

I Want to Pump.... You Up!

Ladies, we have all heard the benefits of weight lifting: increased calorie burning; increased muscle mass; and decreased risk of osteoporosis. But purdy much anyone can slap some free weights around. Real women are now pumping iron with their honey pot to give them the best sex of their life! Yeppers, all ya gotta do is engage in some vaginal kung fu. Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, Those kicks were fast as lightening....
 According to sex educator Kim Anami, vaginal kung fu has benefits beyond great sex.  Pussy pumping also reduces incontinence and can even create an overall lift in the body. She even claims she has clients who stopped using Botox because they lift with their gift. Lift, 2, 3, 4, pump, pump!

All ya gots to do girls is squeeze an egg shaped piece of jade in your vajayjay and you can lift all sorts of thangs to pump up the volume. Pump up the volume, Pump up the volume, Dance, Dance! But please practice safe sex with all that new found strength 'cause there have been reports of women puttin' men in the hospital after a roll in the hay.  Now that folks is pussy power!

Story: Here

Friday, February 5, 2016

Feel Good Friday

Thanks to a friend of a friend for passing along this gem. What a way to start the weekend!

Monday, February 1, 2016

Color Me Crazy

Have any of you gotten into the adult coloring book craze? They are flying off book store shelves lately. Color me crazy, but I find it so relaxing to sit on my fat arse in the late afternoon, open up my stash of colored pencils and try to stay within the lines while sippin' on an adult beverage. That's no easy feat lemme tell ya folks! Here are a few of my creations so far:
Definite beginner's luck on this one.
Getting better.
Got my Mo Jo goin' on.
Found my true calling with the swear word coloring book!