Monday, November 30, 2015

The New Sporty Royals

The modern day sporty royals like to play by their own rules.
They got no problem puttin' on a harness and showin' off the family jewels.
Hell with a package like that I would repel down a wall too.
Prince Willy's got 'em a built in strap on if the rope won't do.
And how about the prim and proper Duchess Kate?
There is nuthin' about her highness you can hate.
Even with her vajayjay full on show.
The bitch is not even sportin' camel toe!
 


Monday, November 23, 2015

Mr. Ugly

In some parts of the world, women anxiously await People magazine's annual Sexiest Man Alive issue. But in Zimbabwe, men actually compete for the coveted title of "Mr. Ugly". This year's winner is 42 year old Maison Sere, who beat five other contestants to win the $500 prize. Apparently that is a big deal in that country with such massive unemployment. Mr. Sere, who came in fourth place last year, thanked God and the judges for the title. Awe, such a beautiful acceptance speech
But in every pageant there are some sore losers. William Masvinu, a three time Mr. Ugly winner, who scored the $100 second place prize this year, accused the judges of not being fair and said the organizers need new judges for the contest to be fresh. Well folks, I think Mr. Masvinu's ugly behavior exemplifies that old sayin', "ugly is as ugly does"!

Thanks David for the butt ugly story.

Story: Here

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

An Unlikely Winner

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks and today I have to admit that maybe I'm the wacko. So how many of you watched the Charlie Sheen interview on The Today Show yesterday where he divulged that he's HIV positive? As I sat down to watch I was fully prepared to make jokes about tiger blood and write this blog full of puns like "no longer winning" and "who's losing now" etc.
 
But as I watched this notorious Hollywood bad boy fully disclose his private health status, and admit his high risk behaviors such as drug addiction and frequent sex with prostitutes, I felt real compassion for the guy. It takes courage to go on national TV to talk about such sensitive issues. But what really got me in "the feels" was when Charlie admitted the reason why he was going public with the news was because people had extorted so much money from him over the years by threatening to expose his condition. He has paid almost $10 million to buy silence from these vultures.  These fucktards are not just taking Charlie's money, they are taking money away from Charlie's children and grandchild. Seriously, anyone who would take a photo of his antiviral meds and threaten to post the pic on social media deserves to be slapped into next week. 

Believe me folks, I nevah thought I would be writing a post in support of Charlie Sheen of all people. But even I have morals, and I don't believe in blackmail when it comes to something as personal as your health. So good for you Charlie for taking the high road. You are winning! 
 

Story: Here

Monday, November 16, 2015

Friendsgiving


The holidays in general are so crazy with everybody traveling near and far to visit family they want to see, and family they are obligated to see, so why not slow down a bit and give thanks for the amazing friends in your life.  For the second year, my fabulous Pink Ladies Book Club will be celebrating our friendship and giving thanks for each other with our own Friendsgiving Extravaganza.

No need to exchange pleasantries with crazy Aunt Gertrude and creepy Uncle Charlie over green bean casserole. We will do that next week on the actual holiday. But in advance of Thanksgiving, all of us will gather around the dinnah table to break bread with each other. The host makes the turkey and each member of our book club brings a bottle of wine and a favorite family Thanksgiving side dish to share. Everybody signs up in advance so we don't have 10 bowls of mashed taters. The selection of vittles last year was absolutely incredible and I'm so looking forward to Friendsgiving this week.

So folks, if you need to break away from the madness, why not organize a Friendsgiving of your own? It's cheap, easy, and best of all, your stomach won't just hurt from eating all of that delicious food, it will hurt from rip' roarin' belly laughs. Now that is somethin' to be thankful for!

Monday, November 9, 2015

The Glamorous Life of a Writer

That's me folks, workin' on my edits and rewrites for my up coming coffee table book, Deb's Daily Drivel. As you can see, it's such a glamorous life. I haven't seen the sunshine in three damn days. Oh wait, that's a Kid Rock song. I haven't eaten in a week and survive on only coffee and cigarettes. Yea, maybe if I was a supermodel, but who am I kidding? I get off my ass every 15 minutes or so to peruse the contents of the pantry and fridge and sit back down again, usually with snack in hand. However, I do enjoy stayin' in my PJ's all day, bare faced, and wearin' a 1980's scrunchie in my hair.

So, please excuse my lack of blogging and commenting on your fabulous blogs for a bit while I try to get these edits in decent shape. Seriously, how do the famous novelists do it? My literary masterpiece is only 365 daily tidbits of comedic advice I learned along this wild ride called life and I can't seem to get my shit together. Laziness on my part I suppose. Anywho, don't expect greatness, but you can bet your bottom dollar I'm keepin' it real.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

A Hair Raising Experience

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks, and today I found a few thangs I thought might tickle your funny bone. In case you were wonderin' why Asians crush us slack ass Americans academically, it's 'cause we are too damn easy on our kids. This hair raising experience will put 'em at the head of the class:
I know some folks think the pumpkin spice craze is outta control, but I think 3 full rows of Quinoa at my local grocery store is ludicrous. Seriously, that much space for an item most people can't even pronounce is just over kill:
And hope y'all didn't forget to visit your dear old Granny this year or else you gettin' take out for Thanksgiving:


Monday, November 2, 2015

Scared Straight

I heard this study on the radio the other day that really has me perplexed. According to Chapman University's second annual survey of American fears, here are the top ten things people in the good ol' USA are most afraid of:

1. Corruption of government officials: 58 percent

2. Cyber terrorism: 44.8 percent

3. Corporate tracking of personal information: 44.6 percent 

4. Terrorist attacks 44.4 percent

5. Government tracking of personal information: 41.4 percent

6. Bio-warfare: 40.9 percent 

7. Identity theft: 39.6 percent

8. Economic collapse: 39.2 percent

9. Running out of money in the future: 37.4 percent

10. Credit card fraud: 36.9 percent

Now I'm certainly not one to judge anyone's fears 'cause I got an irrational fear of fish after seein' a dude get bit on the nipple from some crazy ass fish about 30 years ago. Weird I know, but I ain't goin' in the water after hearin' him scream and witnessin' that fish chomp down on his moob. Dang, I got me a bigger target.

Anywho, what I got a problem with is #1. So, without gettin' all political on ya folks, how can you have a fear of a known fact? That's my question. Almost 60% of the people who participated in the study have a fear of a known fact. That doesn't make sense to me. That's like bein' scared of the earth bein' round, or hidin' under the covers 'cause Santa isn't real, or bein' afraid the latest Kardashian scandal will get more news coverage than a hero who jumped into a burning building to save an entire family. Yea, that last one pisses ya off just like the corruption of government officials, but why worry about somethin' ya simply can not control? Surely you shouldn't fear it right?  Now slimy, scaly fish that could bite the hell outta your nipples, that will scare ya straight!

Study: Here