Monday, March 30, 2015

Who Gives A F*#!


WARNING: IF YOU ARE NOT FROM BRAZIL, YOU MAY FIND THE LANGUAGE IN THIS POST OFFENSIVE.
In the spirit of March Madness, I could not fuck around and miss out on telling y'all this fucked up story of a basketball player on the Medicine Hat College Rattlers team in Canada. The Brazilian athlete's name is Guilherme Carabagiale Fuck, but he goes by Gui Fuck (pronounced ghee-Foo-key) and he just wants the right to put his fucking surname on the back of his jersey. I mean Fuckin' A, how hard can that be?
 
In Brazil where he grew up his last name was never an issue, however, when he went to play basketball in Wyoming the coach said people may find his last name offensive so he was told to drop the F bomb and use his Italian middle name as his last name. Then when he transferred to Medicine Hat he got fucked again and he had to slap his middle name on the back of his jersey. All the fucktards from reporters to announcers don't want to talk about his accomplishments, but rather go fucking nuts over the spelling and pronunciation of his last name. I mean this dude averages 18 points per game, was named All-Canadian, and helped take his team to the Canadian Collegiate Athletic Association Championship but still the fuckwads focus on his name.
 
Plus ya gotta appreciate the dude's sense of humor. He says he wishes the attention was focused on basketball but he's just glad his name is out there: 
 
Back in Brazil, people don’t call me Gui, they call me Fuck. Everybody—especially in the basketball world—they know me as Fuck. If they say: ‘Oh, do you know Gui?’… ‘Who?’ … ‘Oh, Fuck.’ … ‘Okay.’”
 
Finally the powers at be basically didn't give a flying fuck and Gui won the right to put his real last name on his jersey. Gui's coach said it became apparent that his last name was very important to him. He wants to have kids and spread the Fuck last name. Whoo Wee, he's sure gonna get him some sympathy fucks over this attention huh?
 
So now that Mr. Fuck has won the right to wear his name on his jersey, if some fucker gives him any shit, I say he rips off his jersey and sports this t-shirt underneath:
 
 
P.S. Thanks to an old blogging friend for seeing this story and thinking my warped mind could do somethin' with it!
 
Story: Here 


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Prom?

Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday folks as we gear up for prom season. I know y'all have seen those creative ways all over FaceBook and Instagram how teenagers are asking the objects of their affection to the big high school dance, and kudos to them for using such imagination! But I'm not really here to talk about all that. What I want to know is since when did the pronoun "the" get dropped when talking about "THE" prom, and when did it simply become known as "PROM"? I even heard a national newscaster this morning refer to it as Prom. YEE GADS, I guess the prom has now hit the upper echelon of success like other individuals who are privileged enough to go by one name like Beyoncé, Cher, Madonna and Prince.
Maybe it's just a regional thing? Perhaps I'm showing my age? But us old Yankees either went to the prom or we didn't. Right Larry David?
Seriously folks no one says, I'm going to Super Bowl, or I'm going to Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, both of which are pretty iconic events if you ask me. It's just so weird and wacky that the prom, of all thangs, gets the grand distinction of the dropped pronoun. Anywho, I got to get in car, go to grocery store and bank, and later tonight I have dinner date. 
 





Monday, March 23, 2015

Blurred Lines Verdict

Whew, this Blurred Lines verdict sure has folks in an uproar. So in case ya haven't heard an LA jury has decided that Pharrell Williams and Robin Thicke must pay $7.3 million to Marvin Gaye's family for copyright infringement saying they copied Gaye's song "Got To Give It Up" when writing their smash hit "Blurred Lines".

Pharrell ain't Happy right now and states that "the verdict handicaps any creator out there who is making something that might be inspired by something else. This applies to fashion, music, design ... anything". And, if ya check out Twitter and news articles about this case, he certainly has tons of support from musicians, big wigs in the music industry and even legal experts.

I really don't know how much support Robin Thicke is gettin' after he basically said under oath that he was drunk and high on vicodin when he showed up at the studio and was just lucky to be in the room when Pharrell wrote the song. His recollection is that when they made the song he wanted to be more involved than he actually was, but when it became a huge hit, he wanted the credit. Yeppers, even though he had blurred vision, I think everyone agrees he's purdy much of a douche bag!

 So, what do you think? Do you think this verdict blurs the line on the creative process? Or has your life just been a blur like mine after seein' this rendition on TV:


Stories: Here and Here

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Nekkid But Not Afraid

Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday folks where today you are just gonna have to grin and bare it while I tell ya about a man in Charlotte, North Cackalacky who likes to stand at the front door of his home buck ass nekkid. Although he is the butt of all jokes in the Cardinal Glenn neighborhood, police say he is not doing anything illegal.
The bare facts are that this dude has been hangin' out in his doorway in his birthday suit for the past ten years. When opportunity knocks, neighbors have called the law dogs but they say the bare bones of the law of indecent exposure only applies in a public place.

Well folks since ya can't really tell from the grainy news story photo how this nudist looks, at the bare minimum I think the law should read as follows:
If the guy looks like this, break down the damn door 'cause it don't matter if he's barely legal.
However, if this creep bares it all, ya need to give him a door jam where the sun don't shine. And that my friends is the naked truth!

Thank you to my friend Sara for delivering this story to my door. 

Story: Here


Monday, March 16, 2015

Hoots and Hollers Comes to North Cackalacky

Did y'all hear those big ol' Texas hoots and hollers across the nation? Yeppers that was Holli from Holli's Hoots and Hollers who was travelin' all over this great country of ours on business, but carved out some time in her busy schedule when she stopped in North Cackalacky to visit little ol' me. We have been blogging buddies for about three years but never met face to face.
So Holli's business trip took her to the capital city of Raleigh. Well what's a girl like me to do from a small beach town two hours away? Look for an excuse to go shopping in the big city of course. And that is exactly what I did. Yea I went way over budget, but I don't get out much. Then it only took me 45 minutes to find the hotel which was 3 miles from my current location because I'm too stoopit to figure out how to use a GPS, but I finally made it.  When I met up with Holli she was hell bent on findin' the nearest Harley store so she could buy her hubby a t-shirt from the Carolinas. Dang, despite growing up in York, PA which is home to the largest Harley manufacturing facility, I had nevah been to a Harley store. But I got a feel for the joint real quick. Like they say, "American by Birth. Rebel by Choice". Not only was Holli's shopping excursion a success, I was able to check out the new free cycle trike she will be getting. Oh yea baby!
After a three hour dinner of telling each other our entire life history, we were wiped out. Of course we were also wiped out the next morning from stomach pains in the middle of the night due to something we ate. OUCH! However, what fun it was to connect with someone I met in the blogosphere! I'm sure Holli is hootin' and hollerin' all over Dallas about now 'cause I know she is glad to be home!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Great Cheese Caper

It's Wacky Wednesday folks and today is just a quick report on that cheesy story of the thieves who stole the refrigerated truck filled with $85,000 worth of mozzarella cheese. I'm prayin' the reason behind the theft is a love story between the mack truck and the cheese 'cause we all know that right there is a match made in heaven with no strings attached:
Mac and Cheese
Otherwise it's just another tragedy where someone gets caught with the windows up while some smart ass thinks it's funny to cut the cheese:




Story: Here

Monday, March 9, 2015

Oral Report

It is mind blowin' to me folks that I totally missed this seminal story when it was first published back in 2012, but I'm here now to give ya the blow by blow report. According to a study by the State University of New York oral sex is good for women's health and makes you feel happier. I know it's a hard pill to swallow ladies, but researchers have actually cum to the conclusion that seminal fluid contains chemicals that elevate mood, increase affection, induce sleep and contain at least three anti-depressants. So suck it up ladies and don't blow your chance next time you are offered that protein packed shake 'cause the benefits are obviously amazing.
And not only that, but if you can swallow your pride a bit more and cum to grips with the fact that women who engage in unprotected sex are less depressed and perform better on cognitive tests that will really make ya wanna throw those damn condoms out the window. Whew, what a climactic conclusion to the research!

Now seriously folks does anybody else think this study sucks? I'm sure when this all blows over, the only people who have a smile on their face and are less depressed are the guys, not the gals. Not really a happy ending huh?

Story: here

Thank you to one of my old blogging buddies, who shares my same warped sense of humor, for sending me this gag worthy story.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Would You, Could You in a Box?

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks, and just when you thought you've seen it all on the boob tube, somebody goes and creates somethin' even weirder and wackier than evah before. So how 'bout the idea of havin' sex in a camera free, soundproof box in front of a live TV audience and then comin' out and talkin' about the dirty deed with a few shrinks? Tune into WE and watch 34 couples take a provocative healing journey on Sex Box this season.
Would you, could you in a box?
It's on WE, not on Fox.
Could you really have sex on TV?
Even if there were no cameras for people to see.
Get down and dirty in the square.
Come out and talk if you dare.
Ya gotta come clean with the TV shrink.
So they can tell everybody what they think.
What if you go in and you're not in the mood?
The folks watchin' will think you're a prude.
Or what if your partner turns all Christian Grey?
That could be one helluva roll in the hay!
Either way you're likely screwed.
Cause the show is really just plain lewd.
Who would sign up for this crazy shit?
Someone who is obviously a nitwit.
But it may be like a train wreck, you can't look away.
Pour yourself a drink and watch it some fine day.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Cookin' Up Crack

Well, somebody done did it. They found 'em a way to legally manufacture crack in the privacy of their chambers. Sure they disguised it as some fancy schmancy little device called the girl scout cookie oven, which is basically an updated version of the Easy Bake Oven, but it's crack all the same. Y'all know my addiction to thin mints. As soon as I see a box I get the shakes and sweats and rip open that foil and devour a sleeve so damn fast just like a junkie needin' a hit to make it through the next five minutes. The sugar high I get is usually followed by a dull ache in my belly from gorging myself.  But it is so worth it 'cause the chocolate mint crisp flavor is like an orgasm on your tongue. Oh, the ups and downs of addiction.
But in my defense, crack is a legitimate ingredient in thin mints. So, as I see it, my addiction is through no fault of my own, but rather the fault of the manufacturers of the damn cookies who got me hooked on their stupid ass drug. I smell a lawsuit here.....
Anywho, Wicked Cool Toys now goes ahead and introduces this oven specifically designed to just make girl scout cookies, and of course with the purchase of the oven at $59.99, you receive one box of thin mint mix. Other boxes of cookie mix sell for $6.99 a piece. So basically you eliminate the middle man, I mean the cute young thangs wearing the sash who go door to door sellin' their wares, and ya don't have a bad start up cost for an in home lab.

Hah, for all you Breaking Bad fans you thought Walter had quite the operation goin'? You ain't seen nuthin' yet 'cause I'm gonna crank me up thousands of those ovens and get an assembly line of cookies rollin' off at a pace so fast that even a crack addict can't keep up. I'm gonna own the freakin' south baby. Now if y'all will excuse me, I gotta go start cookin' bitch!!!!!

Story: Here

P.S. Thank you for the story Conner. You know your Mama loves her some thin mints!