Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Stuck Like Glue

Martha Weizman and Matthew Caleda too stuck up to talk to reporters.

Lawd folks, when my friend David sent me this news story about Martha Weizman and Matthew Caleda of Syracuse being stuck in love I just had to share with y'all. According to a super sleuth, the couple had to call emergency services after accidentally mistaking a tube of industrial super glue for sexual lubricant. Although paramedics tried to cover them with blankets, they were nekkid and afraid and stuck together in a super explicit sexual position. The ambulance passed right on by Jiffy Lube on the way to St. Joseph's Hospital Health Center, and luckily was not stuck in a traffic jam.

The people in the waiting room were super skeptical of the couple's deviant behavior and one 83 year old woman called them a bunch of perverted exhibitionists. Good news though, the surgeon played superman and after a three hour delicate surgery, the duo can no longer say, "I'm stuck in the middle with you". Thank Gawd, the poor couple did not need to be sent to the glue factory.

The moral of the story here folks is to throw away your tubes of super glue and buy yourself a glue gun. There ain't no mistaken that sucker! In New York alone this sticky situation has happened to 27 couples since 2013. Otherwise, you might find yourself with this catchy little tune stuck in your head:

Story: Here

26 comments:

  1. How could you possibly mistake the two? Were they storing the superglue in the bathroom with the other lubricants?
    I love my wife, but that sounds horrific...

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    1. New Crazy Glue commercial: It can bond you with your lover in seconds!

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    2. Dang, I just found out this story is not even true. At least we bonded over some super duper laughs!

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  2. While in school at WVU, one of my friends was a med student. As I am sure you know, one of their many assignments is to work the ER on weekends. One Saturday night they had a female patient come in complaining of severe pain in her vaginal area. They x rayed her and saw a clear circular metallic image, that read "Copenhagen Satisfies" Almost Heaven Deb,

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    1. Oooohh Wayne I could tell you many stories of Uncle Jeffy workin' the ER at good ol' WVU and what he found in people's genitals. Light bulbs, pencils, earthworms and batteries to name just a few.

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  3. OMg, Deb, I so needed to read this. I got such a laugh. Thank you girl!

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    1. It was a good laugh. Too bad the story wasn't even true.

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  4. OMg, Deb, I so needed to read this. I got such a laugh. Thank you girl!

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  5. lmao oh that would just be awful. But how in the heck can you mistake the two?

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    1. Well, considering the story was just urban legend, the world will never know.

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  6. Surgeons have to have seen it all. That will forever be stuck in their mind

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    1. Surgeons definitely have seen it all. Sadly, this one will not be stuck in their mind 'cause I got super duped into believing a tall tale.

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  7. Are you kidding me? I think that's the most awful thing I've heard all day. (But dang funny.)

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    1. The most awful part of my day is that I got stuck using all of my super funny puns on a fake news story.

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  8. Industrial strength? Why would anyone have that?

    During college, a friend of mine glued his mouth shut. He was trying to take the cap off the glue.
    heh

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    1. I know some folks who definitely need to glue their mouths shut for the benefit of all mankind.

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  9. I can't even imagine the surgery! What and how and how much exactly did they have to cut off?

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  10. I am so glad to hear the story isn't true. How horrifying!! Unfortunately, there are plenty of other horrible ER stories of stupid things people have done to their not-private-any-more parts.

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  11. It's not true?
    Then I guess my original "why didn't anyone think to throw a bucket of water on them? It works for dogs." probably won't be as funny anymore..

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  12. LMAO Lady, you really do get all of the great stories. How embarrassing for that couple!!!

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  13. Noooooo. This can't be true. How the heck did they mistake the two?

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  14. This one is true as I knew the people involved. She knew he was having an affair and one night while he was in an alcohol induced deep sleep she super glued his penis to his thigh. This is a small town and this was before HIPPA got going seriously so everyone knew about it. I am sure the clinic was wildly entertained. He was an attorney, so we know there is some justice in the world.

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