Monday, August 31, 2015

A Note to Teacher

Since school is back in session just about everywhere, I wanted to take the time to thank all teachers who I believe are our most faithful and underappreciated professionals. Every single day they perform a job I could never do because my patience level is about an inch long, but they do it without batting an eye because they are passionate about our kids. Sure there are bad teachers, just like there are bad doctors, bad cops, and bad people in general, but most of them chose teaching to prepare the next generation for that big ol' world out there. And, I hope teachers everywhere realize the impact they have on their students.

I was thinking back to some of my own teachers back in the "olden days" and how what they said made such an impression on me. Back in those days your teachers were the next thing to God in your life because your parents were simply not involved in school. What your teacher said became the gospel!

So, when my second grade teacher told my parents, "Debbie doesn't play well with others", my iron fisted Daddy said, "God Dammit Deb you better straighten the Hell out". Yea, I knew I was different since I was a little girl, and blamed a lot of it on being an only child. I tried really hard to fit in, mostly because I didn't want my Dad to kick me in the ass, which is truly what would have happened if I got another bad report from my teacher. Today, that quote, "Deb doesn't play well with others" has become quite the running joke among my family and friends when somethin' bugs the livin' shit outta me and I go off on one of my tirades.

Then when I was in sixth grade, my teacher caught me in a lie and had me stay inside for recess to read as a punishment. I told her that was fine with me and maybe I would start a reading club. She spoke to my parents about how "strange" she thought my reaction was because basically nobody wants to be in a reading club. Hah, guess I was ahead of the curve on the poplar book club craze today huh?

Now imagine my surprise when I got to high school and was placed in Mr. Spanogle's English class, once in 9th grade I think, (I can't really remember because I'm getting senile) and again my senior year. He not only liked my weirdness, he actually embraced and encouraged it. One day he commented that he would like to get inside my brain because he thought there were some really neat ideas in there. He may have even used the word "groovy". When every student had to recite Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "How Do I Love Thee" poem in front of the class, I asked if I could put a comic twist on it like that classic Brady Bunch episode where Mr. Brady performs a dramatic reading, and Peter and Bobby throw feathers, a funky chicken and pour water on him. Although Mr. Spanogle said my request was not appropriate for the assignment, he appreciated me thinking outside the box, and told me to be proud of my unique spirit and to not always follow the crowd.

Mr. Spanogle passed away recently, and it really hit me hard because I carried his wise words of advice with me throughout my life. Without a doubt, the biggest successes in my life, and the moments I have been most proud of myself have been when I went rogue and did not follow the crowd.  Thank you Mr. Spanogle for not only believing in me, but more importantly, for making me believe in me!

Friday, August 21, 2015

Feel Good Friday

Bad Boys, Bad Boys
Whatcha Gonna Do, Whatcha
Gonna Do
When They Come For You?


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

This is the Pits

It's Wacky Wednesday folks and ya know, I really do pride myself on keepin' up with fashion trends. If somethin' is gonna look decent on this old hag, I'll go with it. So imagine my disappointment when I found out that I seriously can not get in on the latest fad because I was too quick to jump on the band wagon over a decade ago which makes it impossible now. That's right folks. Over ten years ago, laser hair removal was all the rage so I had my underarms lasered. My pits are now as smooth as a baby's bottom. No more hair growth means I can't dye my pit hairs like Miley Cyrus and thousands of women who say it's a fun new trend. Sadly, no matchy matchy outfits and armpits for me. I could have so rocked this look.
 The New York Times recently wrote an article about this trend, and there's even a website called Free Your Pits which blogs about how armpit hair is empowering women.  Ya have to admit not shaving is so much easier and freeing. I can just imagine how seeing those hairs grow longer and longer would give you that feeling of empowerment. And don't dismay ladies 'cause there are plenty of "how to" videos on YouTube showing you how to properly bleach your underarm hair at home. There is simply no excuse for not being a loyal follower. Who needs matching purses and shoes anymore when you can dye your armpits the bright colors of your gorgeous new Lily Pulitzer dress?
Some feminist groups are even staging pit-ins where they will dye their pit hairs as a group and then raise money for a certain cause. Now that is pit power people! So who is throwin' out their razors, lettin' their pit hair grow, and takin' a trip to Sally's Beauty Supply for some dye? 

Think about little ol' me who's stuck with a beautiful new sleeveless lavender shirt, and instead of matching it with lavender pit hairs, I have to go bald. That's the freakin' pits!  

story: Here

Monday, August 17, 2015

The First Slummy Rental

All over FaceBook this past week, friends were moving their college kids into dorms for the first time, and some even for their second year. Sure the dorms are small, but most of them are actually quite nice. It's amazing how creative folks can be with such a limited amount of space. I, on the other hand, was moving my college kid into his very first rental, which has no central air, or window units. Whew, it's hot as hell in that crib! We were welcomed by crumbling concrete steps upon entry and a nonfunctioning doorbell, both of which I'm sure are #1 on the maintenance repair list. The entire place was freshly painted, which was evidenced by the tubs of paint left behind in the living room and filthy carpet upstairs where the painters scraped off the old crap, but never bothered to vacuum up their mess.

Lemme tell ya somethin' folks, if anyone is in the slum lord business, my hat goes off to ya, 'cause ya got it made baby! The world is your oyster in a college town and ya got the rest of us by the short and curlies. My son had to start searching for off campus housing last October when he barely knew his way around Ohio State. Places would be rented right out from under him in a matter of an hour. After an exhaustive search, he and a friend found this joint, which they truly think is the Taj Mahal:
Opening his first piece of mail.
Kudos to his roommate for bringing the swanky furniture.
I think that fire extinguisher might come in handy.
The box spring did not fit up the narrow steps so the mattress is resting on the beautiful red carpet. But hey, it's sort of an Ohio State color scheme.
This just makes me laugh.
I pray no one was tortured down here.
The guys love this dark, dank basement and are going to put a dart board down here and maybe even a foosball table. Lawd have mercy!
This is my fave. A touch of class over the fireplace with the greenery.
As I think back on my first college apartment, it was a total shit hole infested with a couple of friendly mice, but I thought it was so awesome because I was out on my own. I'm sure these guys don't even see the flaws and feel exactly the same way. 

Friday, August 7, 2015

Feel Good Friday

This American Woman is real glad Lenny Kravitz went commando the other night when he experienced his epic wardrobe malfunction!

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Great Party/Gift Ideas

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks and today I thought I would offer you some new and interesting party/gift ideas for your next soiree. Even though summer is winding down, there's always an excuse to PAR-TAY. You will certainly be the talk of the town with these hot ticket items.
You might not be a dick, but you can rent one.
Perhaps a refined tea party is more your style with the new teabagging tea bags.
Celebrate your birthday the same way you came into this world!
This is the ultimate gift and party all in one!

Monday, August 3, 2015

Budding Romance

When my friend Denise sent me this story and said it was blog material, she wasn't just blowin' smoke! I did a little checkin' to weed out the truth, and dang, I don't believe it's a hoax. Seems as if Nancy Hoggert of Washington created quite a buzz by claiming to be in a sexual relationship with Bigfoot. She first encountered the beast in 2008 while tending to her "marijuana grow". Apparently they started off on the wrong foot 'cause Bigfoot was standin' there eatin' all the buds off her plants, so she pointed her shot gun at him. But you know what they say, "big hands, big feet.......". Yeppers, he had a big ol' erection, took her from behind, and since she had not had any action in awhile said it felt great. Their relationship blossomed from smokin' hot sex into a deep love.

This ain't all smoke and mirrors folks, 'cause Hoggert says Bigfoot is very sweet and caring and brings her flowers and mushrooms. The only downside is that he doesn't speak English. So, she nipped it in the bud and taught him how to say her name. Now don't take a pot shot at the poor guy for mispronouncing it "Nunnnsay". At least he's putting his best foot forward.

The couple are trying to get preggers, but currently no luck. Hoggert is going to put her foot down once she gets knocked up 'cause she wants to live a quiet, domesticated life in her house makin' food in her new crock pot. Even though Bigfoot loves living in the forest, she can no longer foot the bill to commute three hours to be with her man. They are gonna set up a joint bank account, listen to the Doobie Brothers, and be best buds for life.

Of course where there's smoke, there's fire right? Since marijuana is legal now in Washington State, Hoggert says she has no source of income. Instead, she wants to stir the pot and capitalize off her boyfriend's fame by selling his pictures and samples of his fur on a website she plans to set up. There's just got to be a pot-o-gold in that plan!

 I have every confidence this relationship is gonna grow like a weed. It would be a total buzz kill to think otherwise. I mean seriously, can you imagine after the smoke clears from a breakup and dealin' with joint custody of a half human, half Bigfoot baby? Lawd, that would just get my nose outta joint!

Story: Here