Wednesday, April 29, 2015

21 Gram Salute

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks and today we got us a handy dandy invention that's dead on for any widow who doesn't wanna let her love die. It's a memory box from designer Mark Sturkenboom called 21 Grams.
Why 21 grams you ask? Well because after your hubby is dead and buried you can get out this fancy schmancy box which contains a glass dildo with 21 grams of his ashes inside, which represents the weight of a human soul. So, even though you may have a dead spot, you can still hit your G spot and keep your love alive. Wonder how often you must replace the dead batteries? 

This memory box is not just takin' up dead space folks. It also has speakers to amplify music from the iphone dock in the back. Perhaps your dearly departed was a Grateful Dead fan! Crank it up and relive the good ol' dead head days. The box even contains an atomizer bulb to spritz your beloved's cologne. And of course the deadlock is opened by a pendant key which is a dead ringer for a beautiful necklace worn close to the heart.
So if you know someone whose husband is dead as a doornail, but she is not yet dead tired, go ahead and suggest she give him a 21 gram salute. Any dead eye dick would be proud to receive that honor!

Story: Here

Monday, April 27, 2015

The Carousel Center 80's Gala

A totally tubular 80's to the max fundraiser was held this past Saturday night to benefit my favorite charity The Carousel Center. This is seriously the best fundraiser EVAH, not only because it's an absolute riot, but because all of the money raised benefits local victims of child abuse. The Carousel Center is an amazing organization here in southeastern North Carolina that provides medical exams, interviews and therapy services in a child friendly environment to victims of physical and sexual abuse. Plus, they help put the bad guys in the slammer where they belong!

Anywho, the gala brings together community folks who dress up and lip synch on stage. This year's theme was the 80's so Uncle Jeffy and the Church of Rock were definitely in their hey day! That's them as Aerosmith and Run DMC.
Oh yea, they had it goin' on baby and rocked the crowd with Walk This Way! Truly all the performers brought their A game this year and I'm proud to report that over $110,000 was raised for The Carousel Center.
And I'm telling you when my friend Bo Dean got up there as the Divine Miss M, he brought the house down! Dang, he just nailed it. So, I guess we will all put away the wigs until next year's gala. Or maybe not. I'm definitely stealing Steven Tyler's kimono!

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Missionary Man

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks and when I saw this 16 year old  Little Bird on TV yesterday I thought to myself Who's That Girl? But DANG, There Must be an Angel somewhere 'cause he's some sort of Missionary Man. This "girl" is actually a boy who has seriously been touted all over the news as the hottest male model. Would I Lie to You folks?
His name is Lucky Blue Smith who ain't Walking on Broken Glass but is walkin' every runway from New York to Paris! With all his new found fame I bet Lucky is havin' some Sweet Dreams.
Here Comes the Rain Again 'er maybe a little deja vu 'cause when I look at Lucky all I see is Annie Lennox. Buy hey dude, I'm all about some Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves!

Monday, April 20, 2015

A Sex Selfie Star is Born

Ya know folks I've always dreamed of fame and fortune, but sadly the closest I've ever come is having the libation Debosa named after me for my affinity for a glass of champagne topped with a splash of mimosa. That is, until now. I have finally found my way to superstardom!!
This handy dandy new device is the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator, which is like an ordinary vibrator with an added extra bonus. It has a camera attached to it so you can snap all kinds of pics of your vajayjay doin' all kinds of fancy schmancy thangs right up to the big O. The high quality pics or videos can then be uploaded to your phone or computer. Just imagine the possibilities right there! Kim Kardashian and her sex tape ain't got nuthin' on me baby!!

For a mere investment of 185 bucks for this sex selfie stick I'm gonna make the modern day version of Debbie Does Dallas and take the world by storm. Stay tuned for A Sex Selfie Star is Born

Thanks Mindy for the story. I'll give you my autograph when I'm a famous sex selfie star!

Story: Here

Friday, April 17, 2015

Feel Good Friday

It's Pink Lady Book Club tonight. There's not much discussion about the book, but after a few bottles of wine the conversation gets very interesting!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Go for the Gold

It's Wacky Wednesday folks and I know it's that time of the year where most of you are trainin' like an Olympian to fit into your bikinis and speedos in a few sort months. But you do that every year right? Why not break outta the mold and start trainin' for somethin' a little bit out of the ordinary? Here are a few ideas for ya that ya might wanna consider. Start trainin' now and Go for the Gold!
The Story Bridge Hotel hosts cock roach racing every year on Australia day. Good luck mates!
The Olympics of nails has normal to extreme categories. Why be normal when you can go to extreme lengths?
For all of you ZZ Top fans there's the World Beard and Mustache Championships.
If ya got a toe fetish, go for the world toe wrestling championship.
Y'all have heard of air band competitions, but how about air sex?
England has a gurning competition, which means to make an ugly face.
The Brits also have a worm charming championship. A 10 year old girl holds the record for charming 567 worms from the soil.
Bee wearing competition. Uh yea, I think I'll stick to vinegar rather than honey on that one!
Story: Here

Monday, April 13, 2015

Head of the Class

When several friends sent me this cock and bull story and said they thought about me when they read it, I just knew I could get off to a head start and bring you folks the loooooong version.  So there's Micha Stunz, a German man, who had the cockamamie idea to enlarge his penis with silicone injections so that it is now 9 inches long, and weighs between 7.5 and 9.5 pounds. This dickhead can't say exactly how much his unit weighs because his kitchen scale only goes up to 6.6 pounds and it has weighed more than that for awhile. Isn't that a ball buster!

Sadly, the silicone injections provide no physical pleasure and actually make sex more difficult. Mr. Dick for Brains can not even get a normal erection because of all the silicone, but he does streeeeeeetch his imagination and become more creative in the bedroom. Lawd, sure hope he nevah gets blue balls 'cause that would be one for the history books!
But, Mr. Stunz is not cocky about bein' the head of the class because he says he's actually quite shy and he prefers to hide his bulge with his satchel in public. He also does not dick around and prefers not to tell people about bein' so pumped up. He wants people to love him for him, rather than his love muscle.
However, I'm not stretchin' the truth when I tell ya that Micha is certainly the cock of the walk here at a bondage and fetish festival in Berlin, the one place where he says you can offer up who you are and not worry what others think of you. Now I know all of you dudes have serious penis envy after seein' that pic!

So I was thinkin' if this heavy weight ever got the shaft and his balls were to the wall, could he use his dipstick to his advantage? And dang, the possibilities are endless. He has his own built in kickstand when riding a bike, his own anchor while out boating, his own bat for a pick up game of baseball, his own croquet mallet for a garden party, his own 10 pound bowling ball, his own nutcracker at Christmas and his own sledgehammer. Now that's a ball breaker!

Story: Here

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Kung Fu Panda

It's Wacky Wednesday time folks and what's wackier than watchin' a couple of giant pandas goin' at it? Here is the stud Lu Lu, who has just been nicknamed "enduring brother" for setting new records in the sex department.
So researchers say normal panda sex lasts 1 minute and 20 seconds. Let's hear it for normal. WHOOP WHOOP!!!! But last week that show off  had to go and set a new benchmark with his partner Zhen Zhen with a session lasting 7 minutes and 45 seconds. DAYUM!!
But that dude was obviously not in his zen 'cause then he goes and hooks up with another chick named Xi Mei for a whopping 18 minutes and 3 seconds. If you are a real perv you can watch the coverage right Here. Lawd, who wants almost 20 minutes of full on sex? Poor Xi Mei probably got a nasty UTI after all that action.
Forget about that enduring brother nickname. I'm renamin' this Panda, Poundya for poundin' the shit outta these females.
And, he's finally found his zen!

Story: Here

Monday, April 6, 2015

Spring Break 2015

Well, it ain't Vegas Baby like last year, but it was good quality family time all the same. Last year it was all about blowin' it out before my oldest son left for college, and this year it was just the three of us. So, we decided to hop in the car and drive a few hours south to the quintessential southern city of Charleston, SC because Ry Guy and Uncle Jeffy love them some history and I love me the shoppin' and food.
The view from our hotel.
I made a new friend.
Would any of you gentlemen wear this getup? I seriously 'bout peed my pants when I saw this display at the new Vineyard Vines store. Then I 'bout fell over when our tour guide told us the store rent was 24 grand a month! WHOA, somebody better start buyin' that fancy schmany stuff!
Rainbow Row.
Recognize this famous lane? It's Boone Hall plantation, the site of such movies as North and South, Queen and The Notebook. Army Wives also films there frequently.
The big house at Boone Hall Plantation. My man Ryan Reynolds tied the knot with Blake Lively right here on these very grounds.
Dinner at FIG (Food Is Good). It took one month to get reservations at this joint but it WAS good.
Cuddly lemurs at the aquarium.