Real style, real grace, real humor from a real redneck.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Cookin' Up Crack
Well, somebody done did it. They found 'em a way to legally manufacture crack in the privacy of their chambers. Sure they disguised it as some fancy schmancy little device called the girl scout cookie oven, which is basically an updated version of the Easy Bake Oven, but it's crack all the same. Y'all know my addiction to thin mints. As soon as I see a box I get the shakes and sweats and rip open that foil and devour a sleeve so damn fast just like a junkie needin' a hit to make it through the next five minutes. The sugar high I get is usually followed by a dull ache in my belly from gorging myself. But it is so worth it 'cause the chocolate mint crisp flavor is like an orgasm on your tongue. Oh, the ups and downs of addiction.
But in my defense, crack is a legitimate ingredient in thin mints. So, as I see it, my addiction is through no fault of my own, but rather the fault of the manufacturers of the damn cookies who got me hooked on their stupid ass drug. I smell a lawsuit here.....
Anywho, Wicked Cool Toys now goes ahead and introduces this oven specifically designed to just make girl scout cookies, and of course with the purchase of the oven at $59.99, you receive one box of thin mint mix. Other boxes of cookie mix sell for $6.99 a piece. So basically you eliminate the middle man, I mean the cute young thangs wearing the sash who go door to door sellin' their wares, and ya don't have a bad start up cost for an in home lab.
Hah, for all you Breaking Bad fans you thought Walter had quite the operation goin'? You ain't seen nuthin' yet 'cause I'm gonna crank me up thousands of those ovens and get an assembly line of cookies rollin' off at a pace so fast that even a crack addict can't keep up. I'm gonna own the freakin' south baby. Now if y'all will excuse me, I gotta go start cookin' bitch!!!!!