Monday, March 2, 2015

Cookin' Up Crack

Well, somebody done did it. They found 'em a way to legally manufacture crack in the privacy of their chambers. Sure they disguised it as some fancy schmancy little device called the girl scout cookie oven, which is basically an updated version of the Easy Bake Oven, but it's crack all the same. Y'all know my addiction to thin mints. As soon as I see a box I get the shakes and sweats and rip open that foil and devour a sleeve so damn fast just like a junkie needin' a hit to make it through the next five minutes. The sugar high I get is usually followed by a dull ache in my belly from gorging myself.  But it is so worth it 'cause the chocolate mint crisp flavor is like an orgasm on your tongue. Oh, the ups and downs of addiction.
But in my defense, crack is a legitimate ingredient in thin mints. So, as I see it, my addiction is through no fault of my own, but rather the fault of the manufacturers of the damn cookies who got me hooked on their stupid ass drug. I smell a lawsuit here.....
Anywho, Wicked Cool Toys now goes ahead and introduces this oven specifically designed to just make girl scout cookies, and of course with the purchase of the oven at $59.99, you receive one box of thin mint mix. Other boxes of cookie mix sell for $6.99 a piece. So basically you eliminate the middle man, I mean the cute young thangs wearing the sash who go door to door sellin' their wares, and ya don't have a bad start up cost for an in home lab.

Hah, for all you Breaking Bad fans you thought Walter had quite the operation goin'? You ain't seen nuthin' yet 'cause I'm gonna crank me up thousands of those ovens and get an assembly line of cookies rollin' off at a pace so fast that even a crack addict can't keep up. I'm gonna own the freakin' south baby. Now if y'all will excuse me, I gotta go start cookin' bitch!!!!!

Story: Here

P.S. Thank you for the story Conner. You know your Mama loves her some thin mints!

26 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! You make me smile, girl. Thankfully, chocolate and mint together make me gag, so I'm safe.

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  2. You'll be a millionaire in no time. Just don't bury your money in the desert, it never ends well.

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  3. Oh, I love me some thin mints also!! I always suspected they were made of crack, but now I know!

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  4. Having to pick between getting hassled by little girls and making them myself in a tiny plastic child oven is really putting me between a rock and a hard place. How about I just buy them from you? Whatever markup you charge would decidedly be worth it.

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  5. The cardboard box tastes better than those cookies.

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  6. Actually, sugar and crack do the exact same thing to the brain. It's the same addiction.

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  7. I've never had a mint in my life. we don't have those here..

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    Replies
    1. Dezzzz... she's back and you never even told me.

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    2. shssshhh.. it's a secret... she's not really here... it's a drone....

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  8. a little crack can help get you through the day

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  9. When I was a Brownie, thin mints were even more addicting. The insides were soft and minty, like the insides of Jr. Mints. Since they switched to crunchy insides, I've been boycotting. I get my crack in other forms.

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  10. Make it "Crack and Peanut Butter Patties" and I'm sold.

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  11. Wait a minute..... are you back?

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  12. I don't recall having an oven as a kid but now I want biscuits.

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