Monday, February 23, 2015

Redneck Red Carpet Recap

I'M BAAAAAACK! Did ya miss me 'cause I sure did miss y'all. I gotta admit that I'm REAL rusty so please bear with me. For my first time back in the saddle in so long I thought I would start with an old fan favorite and recap the fashions from the Oscars last night. Who watched all the glitz, glamour and geeks? Oh yea, that was just Neil Patrick Harris. Seriously, like I always told ya, if Kelly Osbourne with her lilac hued hair is somehow qualified as an expert on celebrity fashion, then I'm more than qualified to give my redneck opinion.
Anna Kendrick lookin' purdy as a peach.
Jamie Chung as the human sparkler.
A train conductor posing as
Lupita is PEARLfection!
Is it any coincidence that Dakota Johnson wore a red dress for the red room of pain with a whip like thang around her shoulder? I think not.
Zoe Saldana is my pic for true goddess.
David Oyelowo showin' Birdman his 1977 prom tux.
Naomi Watts bringin' back the tube top underneath the disco ball.
Everything's comin' up roses for Rosamund Pike!
Nicole Kidman wore Oscar nominee Benedict Cumberbund around her waist.
Is anyone seriously lookin' at JLo's dress?
WOW, one of my childhood cartoon characters Sigmund the Sea Monster was seen walkin' the red carpet.
Tim McGraw magically grew some hair while Faith Hill lost her luscious locks.
Poor little Lorelei Linklater stopped off at a Chinese restaurant before the big event but got picked apart with some chop sticks.
And last but not least, there was a bit of a wrinkle in Reese's interviews 'cause her Botox injector needs to be fired! Speaking from experience, ya can't have a flat screen TV on the lower center forehead mixed with lines and interference up top 'cause ya look like your picture tube is on the fritz.  Ya either gotta go full on flat or just go au natural. 

Well folks, there ya have my redneck red carpet recap. I tried to keep it real for ya. Oh yea and don't fret, I will update my header sometime before the year 2035. I didn't want to throw too many changes at ya at once. That's bad for the psyche.



  1. wooo weeee, you do no one thang and that thang fo sho, I do lubs me sum wite womans, I doan be liken no mans and mans stuff tho.

  2. haha he really looks like a train conductor. What are some of these people thinking.

    The cat was right, you came back in the new year. What do I win? lol

  3. Welcome back! We're both happy to see you in the blogosphere again... even if I have no idea who half of these people are.

    Train conductor look aside, is Will I Am wearing high water track pants? Because that seems like something that would look nerdy on pretty much anyone else but somehow looks somewhat "trendy" on him. I don't get it.

  4. Yaaay! Missed your sassiness!

  5. Now that you're back, the real after-party begins! I'M SO GLAD! I've missed you and the way you keep it real around here. Welcome back!

    Your comments above are spot-on hysterical. And did you see how Melanie Griffith's face was smashed by a Mac truck? Thankfully, NPH was easy on the eyes in his tighty-whities.

  6. Naomi was so atrocious (almost per usual) that she was too scary to appear in my post :) I don't get the obsession with Lupita, Debs, to me that's plain ugliness of a dress :) And that Will I Am looks almost as horrid and offensive as Farrell last year in black shorts... Rappers should not be allowed to the red carpet

    1. PS this is the first time I ever see McGraw without his hat.. he's kinda cute :)

    2. Hahaha! Yes, Dez, he sure is!

  7. Well, I'm sure glad you're back!! I miss you making me laugh.

    LOL @ your Lorelei Linklater comment. It's so true!! Lupita always looks amazing. :)

  8. They should of never allowed wearing something like that to the Oscars.

    And welcome back, I really did miss you.

  9. Nice to have you back, you crazy gal! I can't tell you how often you've crossed my mind. In a good way, of course :) Looking forward to your fun posts.

  10. Hey, could always get a job as a referee.
    Welcome back! Missed you around this place. You class the joint up.
    Of course, I have a picture of me sitting on a toilet, so....

  11. I like the idea of you being back in the saddle. Does it vibrate like a Sybian?

  12. If I had you as a commentator the night of the Oscars, I would have actually watched for more than 15 minutes.

  13. YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!! So glad you're back at it! I was thinking the same thing about Reese. I adore her but her forehead was looking like a bit Klingon.

  14. Congrats on coming back.

    I watched the Oscars and there was only three good things. The opening number, Lady Gaga and the joke about John Travolta trying to pronounce Ben Affleck as Benedict Cumberbatch.

  15. You're back!!! And with my favorite of the Oscar recaps! So glad to see you again.