Friday, December 27, 2013
Aren't they craptacular?
Friday, December 20, 2013
I got a feelin' this gal is a gold medal winnah in the use of Sportsheets! Elfie and his new Ho, Ho, Ho might be bonded together until well after the New Year.
P.S. Heather and Chris, I hope you can appreciate my twisted and sick humor on your contributions to this post.
Monday, December 16, 2013
If you haven't had time to pose for your annual holiday photo yet, not to worry 'cause I'm here to give ya some clever ideas for you and your loved ones. There's still plenty of time to rush to Walmart and get 'em printed.
Man in drag, woman, preggers or just robust?
What is Santa doing with his other hand 'cause Mom seems to like it?
The tank top and Mom jeans that span generations.
I hope Santa brings Dad a razor to shave off his porn star stash.
Mom is more like a devil for puttin' her man in a diaper for all their friends to see.
Who put that doggie in the oven?
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Some Indian giver even had the nerve to ask for Mr. Cowboy back. I'm cat fightin' that bitch for him!
They must have gotten their drunk on before they came on over.
How 'bout that gem?
So, after a good laugh I had a Debosa breakfast with friends, got my hair did by my beautiful and talented hairstylist, and then it was off to the PAR-TAY. The crowd was amazing and I was very impressed that so many people showed up on a weeknight during this busy holiday season. In lieu of presents I asked for people to either give me their favorite picture or written memory of me to be placed in a keepsake album. WOW, to read what people think about you while you are still alive is so touching. I was boo hooing all day yesterday. Even though I asked for no presents, I got some damn good swag!!! A bon-bon lady even came and sang me a really cool personalized telegram. For a toast, I wrote this little diddy and entertained the folks in attendance:
I was born waaaaay back in the year 1963
Some of you young’uns probably think my Mama had to squat by a tree
I couldn’t imagine bein’ old when I was a young tyke
So I’m here to tell ya, this is what 50 looks like
Wrinkles would cover my face like a prune if it wasn’t for the beauty of Botox
And every single month I get full grey coverage with professional Clorox
Just getting up from a chair causes me to hurt
Probably because I’m old as dirt
When you tell someone your age, they all want to take a jab
Like going to the gym is no longer working out, it’s called rehab
When I take off my bra my tits fall down to my waist
Oh well, at least I’ve always had good taste
‘Cause the best thing I ever did was marry a guy named Jeff
After livin’ with me the poor dude has gone deaf
My biggest regret is waitin’ so long and I still don’t have an empty nest
Whew, anybody my age will tell ya that puts your mind to the test
But don’t worry about me folks ‘cause I ain’t got no tears
I’ve done a lot of damn good livin’ in these 50 years
It’s so awesome to have friends like all of you
And you all know I like very, very few
By now I’ve earned the right to flip assholes the bird
Really, I don't need to say another word
As I look back on my life I think its been better than just plain old nifty
So everybody raise your glass, ‘cause today I’m fucking fifty!
As the group thinned out, my gorgeous friend Heather taught me some classic Tina Turner moves to "Proud Mary". I'm quite sure the bald dude at the bar had some amazing dreams about Heather shakin' her money maker! I did attempt to twerk with the uber talented Hot Tamale but I was no match for her. And of course no birthday celebration would be complete without gettin' liquored up and dancin' with your man to your college theme song. "Take Me Home Country Roads" Baby:
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Look who is 50 and Fierce today. WHOO HOO!!!! So many people have asked me if I'm OK, if I'm sad, if I need antidepressants, if I need to see a therapist? While I appreciate everyone's concern, my midlife crisis and accompanying mental breakdown occurred at the thought of turning 40. Been there, done that, completely over it, and have been seeing a therapist for quite a few years thank you very much!!!! Honestly, I am totally excited about being fifty and joining the ranks of awesomeness, mostly because now I get a free donut with my coffee. America Runs on Dunkin' baby. Put the Hell to the Yea people:
Tonight I'm hosting a small gathering at a local watering hole for about 80 of my closest friends. The playlist includes several songs with the word "Boogie" in them. "I wanna put on, My, My, My, My Boogie Shoes and Boogie with you"!!! When the overhang clears I'll be sure to post some pics. Now rumor has it some crazy girls are gettin' this day started with a few Debosas. CHEERS to all of you for hangin' in there with my weird and wackiness!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Well folks, only 19 more days til Christmas, but who's counting right? If you haven't finished your shopping yet, you can get some awesome ideas for just 'bout everybody on your Christmas list just by watchin' TV. Here are a few gems fer ya:
Want that perfect potato every time?
Don't have to mess with grit and grime.
Not too soggy, not too dry,
Give Potato Express a try.
The hands free binoculars that look like sunglasses.
You don't have to tell anybody to move their asses!
'Cause you can see 300 times better than the naked eye,
The thangs you gonna see- Oh, My, My!!!!
Can't stand another hot, sleepless night?
You wake up in a sweaty fright.
Put this cold pack in your pillow and chill.
Sleep like a baby you certainly will!
No need to exercise or restrict your food.
Why that would be downright lewd!
Just put on this miracle belt
And watch your belly fat melt.
The safe and effective way to remove ear wax.
If you order now you may not even pay tax!
Love that screaming on the TV ad
What a damn wimpy Dad!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
I have returned from the Big Apple, thawed out from freezing my ass off, dug out from mountains of laundry, and finally have a spare moment to post a few pics from my trip. You may remember that I told y'all that attending the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was the #1 item on my bucket list. Well, it was everything I hoped it would be, and I even had the big O a few times over some of my favorite balloons. As an aside, my 13 year old and I actually got kicked out of a taxi 'cause we were standing on the wrong side of the street tryin' to go downtown and the cab was goin' uptown. Yep, the cabbie told me "you need to cross the street lady" and he opened the door and threw our asses out. How 'bout them apples???? I think it takes serious talent to get thrown outta a NYC cab and I'm proud to be one of the select few.
View from our hotel.
Statute of Liberty dude we stiffed 'cause we didn't have 5 bucks cash to pay him for the privilege of the pic.
Hip Hop ice dancer at Rockefeller center. My kids are in the foreground.
Macy's store front window.
Me up in lights.
Snoopy being blown up.
Start of the parade.
My $20 Broadway wine tumbler.
Bucket list complete!!!!