Friday, December 20, 2013

Elf Gone Bad

Folks I send y'all my deepest apologies for not postin' any pics this holiday season of my Elf on the Shelf performin' all of his silly shenanigans, but it seems that little fella has been kinda tied up lately. I always thought of him as a bit restrained, but I gotta tell ya, when he's not tied down to any particular lady Elf, that dude is quite unrestrained indeed. Yeppers, it appears my Elf found this handy dandy birthday present my friend Heather gave me and has become untied:
Honestly I thought I've seen it all until this mornin' when I woke up, found him hog tied, butt in the air with a candy cane shoved up........ whew the thought of it just leaves me tongue tied. Anyhoo, there is no reason to use restraint any longer with those G rated Elfs for the kiddie poos 'cause there is somethin' much bettah on the market for adults only:
I got a feelin' this gal is a gold medal winnah in the use of Sportsheets! Elfie and his new Ho, Ho, Ho might be bonded together until well after the New Year.


P.S. Heather and Chris, I hope you can appreciate my twisted and sick humor on your contributions to this post.

18 comments:

  1. Whore in the drawer! I love it!

    My elf surprisingly hasn't gotten into too much trouble this year. Just a bubble bath with Barbie, nothing too naughty. There's still time though....and that little bastard better not lay his hands on my beer!

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  2. I saw this FB post about 10 ridiculously inappropriate Elf on the Shelf ideas and they were absolutely hilarious and not for the prude. I'll try to find it and inbox you.

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  3. haha wow, the whore in the drawer likes to probe elfs on shelves with candy canes. Alien wannabe much?

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  4. hahahaha... This is too funny! The secret life of Barbie!

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  5. "Keeping Couples Connected." Nice tag line for the product. It looks to me like the box hasn't even been opened. SMH.

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  6. I guess that's why you don't see Barbie's romance with Ken much anymore. She went cold and bitter when one day she found him on the shelf with Elf.

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  7. I would nearly think that Whore in a Drawer would out sell Elf on the Shelf. Hope your Elf is OK after the candy cane incident. That can't be fun.

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  8. Man, I was going to eat that candy cane...

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  9. And here I thought I'd get through a day on the blogosphere without having to turn the monitor away from the kiddos. LOL!

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  10. Whore in a Drawer? I need to make an addition to my Christmas list.

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  11. Kinda diggin' the 'couples connected' line... just sayin'

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  12. Probably not as a good as "Bitch Widdout A Stitch," though.

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  13. Lol, Bondage Elf On A Shelf with additional whips and chains?

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  14. I love the little tiny bottle of Captain. Who doesn't love a cheap date?

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  15. No Deb, you don't get it. You shop in there and it makes you forever 21 while you are in there. Try it some time. It does work! LOL Have a fabulous Eve to Christmas Eve!

    (be sure and check out my posts for Christmas Eve and Day, k?)

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