Monday, September 16, 2013

I'm Corny

I'm the first person to admit that I don't know much about anything, but one thang I do claim to be an expert on is the art and science of eatin' candy corn. Yea, I know you can't earn a PhD in the subject, but hey, somebody's gotta know somethin' about this fall staple right? As soon as I see those little white, orange and yellow sugary triangles my body starts to quiver and shake like an orgasm building deep down inside of me. Since it is someone's idea of a cruel joke to tempt my will power by putting this delicious treat on store shelves as early as August, I have to stay strong and not allow myself to give into temptation until at least mid-September so I won't blow up like Rosie O'Donnell before Halloween. Saturday was my breaking point. I held out long enough. It was time to go whole hog baby!!!

First of all, Brach's is the best brand hands down. All others are cheap imitations. Second, there are several ways to eat this fat free candy. Unlike other sugary confections, there is no advantage to licking it and sucking it before swallowing. Rather, you can pop a few pieces in your mouth and chew the whole load all at once for a delightful sugar rush. Or you can savor the flavor by biting off the tiny white tip first, then going down on the meaty orange middle, and saving the yellow base for last. WHEW, is anybody gettin' hot and sweaty from that explanation???????
I'm Corny
There are other little known facts I discovered over my years of study, like if you decorate with candy corn and candles it does burn. Actually, it sort of bubbles up first and then when it burns it smells like you are at the county fair with that wonderful scent of cotton candy in the air. If you happen to put it in water for an extended period of time be prepared for a slimy mess. Those little suckers can be fun and challenging to stack in a make shift game of House of Cards and they can also be used as chips in a round or two of poker. And last, but certainly not least, it makes some sweet fangs. 

38 comments:

  1. Did you know they have Cancy Corn Oreos until October 31st? True story. They've had them seasonally since 2010. They. Are. AWESOME.

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  2. " I know you can't earn a PhD in the subject"

    Well not with that attitude you can't!

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    1. I have been laughing all day about your comment Kellie. Love your optimism.

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  3. I never eat candy corn, and I don't get me started on candy broccoli

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  4. darling, I think a crab is attacking your wall!

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  5. OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE candy corn. I am the only one in my household that does so it's all MINE! My 8 year old was horrified when we were in Walgreens and I made a scene with how excited I was that candy corn was out already. He told me I needed to calm down or I wasn't allowed to buy any. Ha, like I'm scared of an 8 year old :) LOL! Happy Candy Corn season!

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    1. Sometimes ya just gotta embarrass those kids. Plus, more for you!

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  6. Replies
    1. WHOA, that thing looks really cool. I need to get my craft on!!!

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  7. Weird thing is that i used to like candy corn as a kid but as i get older i lost my enthusiasm for it. I do like to decorate with it though and i love that it has orange in it. You're rocking the fang look!!!

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    1. I like to put it around candles but it does burn. One time I put it in water with floating candles with disastrous results.

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  8. Debster... Your Candy Corn is my Peanut M&M's!!! I 'Feel Ya.'

    Have a great Monday, Slu

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    1. Slu, you have no idea how I used to be addicted to peanut M&M's. I had to go to rehab.

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  9. I, um... I don't know how you can eat those things. But you make me want to get some for my wife. :P

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  10. I've never been a fan of candy corn and always traded them away when I found them in my Trick or Treat bag.

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    1. We just found big enough straws to use them as peashooters.
      Them suckers hurt.
      Always traded the popcorn balls, though.

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  11. Mrs. Penwasser absolutely LOVES candy corn. Me? Not so much. In fact, she buys it because she knows I won't eat it.
    I like the chocolate kind, though.
    Or chocolate anything, actually.

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  12. You are the master of candy corn, girl! They should pay you to be their spokesperson. Maybe you'll get a commercial deal out of it!

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  13. I would write some clever comment but I can't stop laughing at Kellie's comment. Now that you two have opened up the idea of PHD's in Candy Corn, I am sure some online university will offer it.

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  14. Deb, oh I'm sorry. Candy Corn and especially anything Oreo is a bit yuck in my book. Oreos are gross and Candy Corn are too dry and just the same flavor over and over with a bit a grainy weirdness. OK, let's stop talking about food. I don't do well talking about food, making food or sometimes eating food. Frankly, I have an eating disorder and it stems from Oreos and Candy Corn!!! LOL

    THANKYOUFORYOURSWEEEEEEEEEETCOMPLIMENTS!!!!!!!! I. ♥ YOU.

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  15. And you better keep being corny! i freaking love this stuff. Best fall snack ever. And it's even better than it's seasonal!

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  16. Just great. I will be surfing YouTube now for videos of these burning. You just had to go and mention fire and bring out my inner pyro, didn't ya....

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  17. yes, my puppie pic is cute and so is she now. She is a great little dog, she is.

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