Monday, July 29, 2013

Walk of Shame

This past weekend Uncle Jeffy and I spent a night at a bed and breakfast in the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains of North Cackalacky. We are frequent fliers at this establishment and have been staying here for the past several years the night before we have to pick up our 13 year old from sleep away camp. The day started with a hike at Stone Mountain. Lemme tell ya, do not EVAH choose a chili cheeseburger with slaw as your pre-hike meal, 'cause it will do thangs to your digestive system that are truly shocking!
However, I did survive the torturous trail, although I can't say the same for some wildlife along the way who sadly fell victim to that chili. Thankfully the only lingering side effect on me from the hike is sore calves from the steep climb.
Anywhoo, we went back to our lovely B&B for a much needed shower and settled in for the night. Now if you've ever been to a cozy B&B you know thangs are a bit intimate, the walls can be thin, and ya purty much hear what your fellow neighbors are doin' if ya get my drift. Well folks, noises were comin' from this one particular room which were unmistakable. The bed was creakin' in a familiar rhythm, the headboard was bangin' at precise moments, muffled moans of pleasure were interspersed between commercial breaks, and I think I may have even heard the Lord's name taken in vain a time or two.

The next morning at breakfast was awkward to say the least, as the 6 couples are tryin' to figure out who dunnit. Everybody was makin' small talk, but in our minds we were all playin' our own game of Clue, like was it Colonial Mustard in the library with the candlestick? Was it the quiet unassuming couple who looked shyly at each other while they passed the cinnamon buns? Mama always said to watch out for those quiet ones! Or could it have been the talkative Australian couple making their way from Florida to DC to visit their daughter? Hhhhmm, sure would be a satisfying drive for those mates. The elderly couple celebrating their 50th anniversary was a long shot 'cause I don't know if there's enough Viagra in this world to get the rust outta those old pipes. Perhaps it was the blow hard and his snooty wife who seriously needed to get laid? That would be a victory cry indeed! Maybe it was the nice middle aged couple who just needed a break from their teenagers for the weekend? Lord knows their young'uns were probably doin' the same thang wherever they were.

All I know is, after breakfast I packed my suitcase and took the walk of shame out to my car. My calves were not my only body part feelin' the effects from the day before. Hah, if I was a smoker I would have lit one up baby!!!



25 comments:

  1. Hey, we went hiking this weekend too. Except your living quarters looked much, MUCH nicer than ours (aka tiny tents). Also, we made the huge cheeseburger the AFTER-hike meal.

    As for "whodunnit," I kinda hope it was the elderly couple, showing everyone how it's done after 50 years. Take that, young people!

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  2. Hail, I sorrow, I shuld has made that ho bites tha pilla. You know hows it be, when a whites woman git a holt of the black mamba she caint heps but moans and groans. I hads ta hi tails it outta theur to keeps from havin ta pays for tha skuff marks on da walls ans a craked bed frames. I seent cho fine ass doe and was thankin of you while I wuz tarein a piece aff.

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  3. I wish I could go hiking again. Though we never stay overnight which would be sweet. I hate the drive home all worn out.

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  4. Sounds like fun. My money is on the nice middle-aged couple...'cause I know what THAT'S all about :)

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  5. Great pictures!! You're so cute

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  6. I've never stayed in a bed and breakfast but now you've stirred my curiosity.

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  7. I love B&Bs....they take courage, you clearly have some. well done.

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  8. Haven't stayed in a B&B yet, but it sounds like a nice try. So did anyone ever figure it out? Inquiring minds want to know....

    I'm betting on Ms. Peacock & Reverend/Mr. Green in the ballroom with the rope.

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  9. Hmmm I'm going with the 50 year anniversary ones, viagra can do wonders

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  10. I really love the coziness of B&Bs but as of late I am been going for hotels...preferably hotels with a spa.(massages and facials are my new best friends) After a few of these encounters listening to the "neighbors" being neighborly...I am thinking I don't want to know that much about people. Good advice on the chili cheeseburger before hiking. I will store that tidbit for future reference.

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  11. My vote's on the middle aged couple. There's something about a bedroom away from home... and away from the kids.

    Fun post!

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  12. this reminds me of an Agatha Christie mystery...where you know the guilty party is one of the people in the room!!

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  13. Debster... SMILING!!!

    Have a great day, Slu

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  14. Calm down people. I was just me. I ate Mexican and had a little trouble in the litter box. Everybody go home, there's nothing to see here.

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  15. Bahhaaaaa! Chili and copulation. Sounds like a dang good time :)

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  16. oh Deb! Hilarious read and well written! Hmmmmm, I wonder who that really could have been?


    The chili in the woods, however, was a wee bit TMI.

    Thank you for your well wishing. I wish I could say this injuring was causes by a bit of pleasure rather than how I got this pain. I am going stir-crazy so had to get in Blog-Land and get my fix! ♥


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  17. Haha that was hilarious. I think I am the only one that got the ending of this post. You totally admit it in the last line!! Glad you had fun both hiking and doing other activities :)

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    1. Thank you Dragon for getting my joke!!!!! I was seriously wondering about my writing skills for a few days. Of course maybe the phrase "walk of shame" is just a southern thang?

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  18. I say, keep the chili cheeseburger; scrap the hike!

    As for the thin walls, I remember an apartment I used to have where my upstairs neighbor's bedroom was right above mine. I'd hear them knocking one out every week or so, and it was always the same... about 60 seconds of furious thumping, then a pair of footsteps heading for the bathroom. I never saw the couple, but I used to think of the guy as the One-Minute Man. I'd try to pick out the woman when I was down at the pool, by scanning the other bathers, looking for someone with a frustrated look on her face.

    Lastly, I totally got that it was you, causing the commotion at the B&B. Well done!

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