Monday, July 15, 2013

Gay or Gourmet?

So on Thursday I had a lunch date with my good friend Vanessa. After a 20 minute wait listenin' to a group of about 35 women meet, greet and be merry I started gettin' concerned I was bein' stood up. Turns out my concerns were valid 'cause Vanessa forgot all about little ol' me. Not to worry, I'm no stranger to dining alone. So, I grab my vino and head to the bar to enjoy my lunch 'cause quite frankly the dining room was gettin' a bit too crowded for my likin'.

Now at noon on a Thursday you can imagine the kind of dudes who are gonna hit on a woman sitting alone at a bar. Let's just say they are not the cream of the crop. Seriously, I had one overweight, zit infested guy ask me if my tan was real or whether I would allow someone to spray tan me. Wink, Wink. Uh Yea, bartender may I please have another????????

However, after that went nowhere fast, two handsome gentlemen sat down next to me and started chattin' me up even before their asses hit the chair. If you know me at all, you KNOW I can talk. As one ex-suitor so famously said, "It takes a helluva guy to handle you Deb". One of his complaints was that he didn't have sound proof ear plugs. Anywho, these dudes put me to shame. The thang is I still can't figure out if they were gay or gourmet. I'm gonna combine the guys' comments into one conversation line 'cause they were comin' fast and furious.

Guys: Oh, what a healthy salad. Good for you. And those heirloom tomatoes. They are so lovely this time of year? Your salmon looks a bit overdone. Would you like me to get the waitress for you? I'm sure she can put another order in and it will be out shortly. Shame it appears a bit charred on the edges.

Me: Actually I like my salmon like this and yes the tomatoes are (interrupted)

Guys: Oh please excuse me I didn't mean to offend you about the salmon. Some people do like their fish a bit on the well done side.  Your wine looks so refreshing. Is that a sauvignon blanc because it's much too light in color to be a chardonnay.

Me: I'm not a chardonnay girl, it's a pinot (interrupted)

Guys: Ah yes, a pinot grigio is perfect on this hot summer day. What is your favorite label? Do you prefer old world or new world wines? I like Bordeaux blends but lately have been enjoying some Malbecs. I know they aren't preferable in this heat so sometimes I will open a bottle of rose and sip it on the porch.

Me: In the winter I'm a huge California Cab blend drinker and I love me a (interrupted)

Guys: Oh, have you been to the wine country? Stunning, simply stunning! You can just drive down a beautiful winding road and find a small family owned winery with the most amazing wine.......

Yeppers, you get the idea where this one-sided conversation is going. They either talked about food, wine, or places that revolved around food and wine. I barely got a word in and I'm used to dominating the conversation. So much so that some folks want to put a muzzle on me.  I finished my healthy salad topped with my well done salmon and enjoyed every delicious drop of my pinot grigio. As I was paying the bill, my new friends were served dessert and asked for an extra spoon so I could join them. I politely declined, but I'm still trying to figure them out. Gay or Gourmet? What are your thoughts?

34 comments:

  1. GAY all the way :) None of the straight men I know (even if they are foodies) would ever share dessert with each other!

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  2. Gay, but I want to know if you got the spray tan done by the first guy?????

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  3. They out yapped you? Wow lol Gay and for sure gourmet

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  4. Gay, definitely gay, if only because my gay brother-in-law is the exact same way. His opinion on anything food and wine and clothing related is law, and if you want to know what your opinion is on the subject, too, then he's just going to go ahead and tell you.

    Also, my wife was once asked by some creepy guy, "Hey, is that a really good spray tan, or are you just Mexican?"

    Yeah, those tanning pick up lines are real panty droppers, let me tell you.

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  5. Dem honkies sounds ta me ta be lite in thay lofahs. I cans sees why thay be hittin on a dark skinnded thang likes you. You kinda looks like tha massa misstrix.

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  6. Yep i am going to go with a Gourmet Gay. How fun though to enjoy a lunch and not have to do the talking.

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  7. I say Gay... Heck, they would not let you talk. Gay!!! And Gourmet. lol

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  8. I thought it was kinda a packaged deal

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  9. I'm going with both on this one. Many of my gay friends are well versed in food, art, wine and the finer things in life.

    Me? Well give me a chalice of grog and a platter of fruit and we're good.

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  10. Yeppers, GAY. They sound just like Cam on Modern Family without the subtle humor, just the infomercial opinions.

    Oh
    THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY OOTD!

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  11. Yeah they were gay and gourmet. Chatty little twosome, weren't they? I am impressed that your are routinely hit one. I mostely attract the 80+ year olds. Which is fine by me as I think they are adorable. But, of course that means they would be talking less about gourmet food and more about their gardens, gout and grandkids.

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  12. If they had been gourmet, they would have used something in there as an opening to hit on you.
    My wife works for Gallo.

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  13. Metrosexual! Sounds like one of my neighbours that lives down the street. Once he gets to talking, you can't get a word in. His wife is super quiet. What a contrast. But I guess she can't get a word in anyway!

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  14. Oh, Deb. Thats gourmet gay. If only this was Just Keeping it Real, Folks with Devon, then you'd be bumping uglies with one of them right now. Or both while one (interrupts) the other.

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  15. I think you missed the chance to be their favourite fag hag.

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  16. I vote that they were bipolar. Interrupting and talking too much is a sign of a mania for my people...

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  17. I'm not concerned whether gay or gourmet, just why you declined to share the dessert. That was sweet of them to invite you to join. What was it, if I may ask? (I'm much less healthy than you.)

    Cheers,
    xoRobyn

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  18. Hi-ya. I just wandered over from Pat's blog, because I got such a kick out of your "Twidiot" comment. (Hmm, not sure if that's how you spelled it, though...)

    Anyhow, I'm glad I did. After reading through some of your posts, I decided to sign on as your newest groupie. I like your sense of humor.

    As for those guys in the bar, I dunno if they were gay or gourmet... but they sure were gabbers! (Obviously, NOT a good match for you at all!)

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  19. wait so if a guy knows about wine and has some interest in culinary he becomes gay? i'm very confused right now

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