Friday, May 10, 2013

Asinine Awards

There have been a few news stories lately that are so unbelievable they deserve some special asinine awards. Congratulations to Dave, right here where I live in Wilmington, North Cackalacky for makin' national headlines and doin' all of his homies proud.
Dave wins the Dumbass of the Week award for callin' 911 and complainin' that the drug dealer he gave 80 bucks to did not come back and bring him his marijuana and cocaine. He explains to the 911 operator that he was waiting for the drug dealer to come back and do the right thing because the dealer was ripping people off. And not only that, Dumbass Dave even complained that when he bought drugs from this particular dealer in the past, the drugs were substandard and he was not able to get high off them. The audacity of that dealer!!!! I'm quite certain the operator dispatched the law dogs right on over to Dave's house to take a full report on that horrendous robbery and to get a detailed description of the suspect. What a tremendous loss for our entire community! Everyone please keep Dave and his family in your thoughts during this tragic time. And if anyone out there knows any information about the perp, for the love of GAWD please contact Dave 'cause I hear he's still jonesin' for his fix. Story: Here
The crazy ass award goes to the Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller/Denise Richards triangle after social services removed Charlie and Brooke's 4 year old twin boys from Brooke's home because her drug use is jeopardizing their safety. In a normal world, the kids would go to Brooke's ex-husband and father of the children, who just happens to be Charlie Sheen right? But this is Hollyweird we're talkin' about folks and we know them people be freakin' crazy! Obviously Charlie ain't fit to take care of anybody, so the judge awarded temporary custody of Brooke and Charlie's boys to Charlie's ex-ex-wife Denise Richards because she is the most stable person in their lives. Yeppers, how many of you ex-wives would take custody of your ex's kids with another woman? Crazy Ass!!!! Uh Yeah, Denise should also win some sort of special award for now raising 4 spawn of Mr. Tiger Blood. Story: Here
The Happy Family
The last award goes to me because when I read this story about 20 year old Samuel Dye beating his 61 year old grandmother with a hammer and attempting to rape her because he couldn't get a girlfriend, I think I'm entitled to kick his ass! Samuel showed up at his grandma's house in Chester, South Carolina complaining that he wasn't able to find a girlfriend and said he was going "to get some". You want some Samuel, I'll give ya somethin' to remember for a long, long time, and when I'm dun openin' up my can of whoop ass on ya, whatever Bubba and the boys do to ya in the slammer when you drop the soap will seem like a walk in the park. Story: Here

 Unless someone kicks it first Samuel, your sorry ass is MINE dude!!!!
Thank you to my friends Guy and Mindy for sending me these blog worthy stories and lettin' me run with 'em.


  1. The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me. Stupid criminals make for good stories, though!
    Yeah, I can't see my mom agreeing to take my dad's and stepmom's kids for any reason.
    That last guy is going to be in a world of hurt in prison.

  2. that whole mess around Shin is so confusing that it gives me headaches..... there should be an institution for people like him, Gibson, LiLo....

  3. Denise deserves every mother of the year award. That woman has the patience of a saint. As for Samuel, he's doen for. Just WTF. Your grandmother?! Again, he's done for.

  4. Stupid by a ton, and that last one deserves an ass kicking. As far as Sheen goes, she prob took the kids all for the money, to get more from him, after all she doesn't make any money any more.

  5. Charlie should now offer to bone Denise for old time's sake. She'll probably say no, but it's the thought that counts.

    1. Truth be known- he probably has. Repeatedly.

  6. There have been several of these "call the cop to bitch about your drugs or drug suppliers, lately. There probably is an opportunity to make money in the area of drug/druggee mediator, if one was up to handling large numbers of customer service calls.

    We live in a crazy ass world!! I notice that Charlie is always hangin around Denise these days. I am not convinced that they don't have some weird threesome thing goin on. They have things in common for sure...insanity and love of addictive substances for example.

    That 3rd one is just so sick, I can't even think about it.

  7. That last one really freaked me out. That poor grandmother... This young man is obviously not well.

  8. I work in the court system, I get to read files with stories such as this every day.............hundreds of them. So many, that most don't make it into the media.

  9. Poor Dave. He really is a dumb ass.

  10. That last guy needs to be locked away with a big hairy ape

  11. I has ta sez dat I ain't da won who done done Dave rong.My kronik be da reel stuffs, my coke ain't nothing but tha yella form perew. No shitz mizz thang. Far as granma, you see dat ho? sheut, I wuld have hit dat sheut ma dam sef. She ain'ts buts 39.

  12. I really can't understand what was in that little fool's head. That's messed up.

  13. If you were going for Freaky Ass Friday on this one- You nailed it! Sad but true, you can't make this up because truth is far stranger than fiction.

    If the officers were smart in the first story, they would have given Dumbass Dave money to buy some more dope & set it up. When the guy shows up to pick up the cash- nab them BOTH! Win- Win!

  14. Jeez, I wonder why he couldn't find a girlfriend, he seems like a real prince *insert sarcastic face here*

  15. Dave got "High" once too many times...

    The "Extended" family that parties together, stays together, in some form or fashion.

    Sam the Sham... Dude needs to go to Jail so he can become the "Girlfriend" he couldn't find... Ahhhhhhhhh, Paybacks!!!

    Have a great weekend & Happy Mother's Day, Slu

  16. Dave kind of reminds me of the Cheech & Chong character called Bob Bitchin' who was so stupid that he couldn't answer the first question of a contest.

    "What is your first name?"

    As for the putz who couldn't get it up, perhaps he can continue wearing his pants low so that he can attract the right kind of "girlfriend" in prison.

  17. The Dave story made me LOL. Wow. I have no words. And I have SO much admiration for Denise on EARTH does she survive being in those people's lives?? LOL.

  18. I am a reporter and I mostly write about crime. You would not BELIEVE how common it is for people to call the police about drug dealers ripping them off. It's really pathetic.

    I live in Washington (where small amounts of marijuana is legal to possess) and four hours after the legalization went into effect late last year, someone called police to report that someone had burglarized his house and stolen four bongs.

    The police responded to investigate thee bong burglary and ended up catching the guy who did it, but the police could not tell if the "victim" was aware of the date, or was just lucky. Because six hours earlier he would have been arrested as well.

    Stupidity is what keeps me employed. :)

  19. OMG the last guy is SICK! I would totally join you in kicking his ass if I didn't live all the way across the country.