Monday, March 25, 2013

Dear Stephanie.....

So a couple of months ago I had to attend my annual continuing legal education weekend in Chapel Hill, NC in order to keep my law license active. Unless Uncle Jeffy throws my ass out, I don't ever intend to practice law again, but it's always a good idea to have a backup plan in case this bloggin' gig doesn't pan out right? Over 300 lawyers sittin' through 12 hours of lectures ain't my idea of fun, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Anyway, one of the classes was held in this packed auditorium where I sat next to a hippie dude who looked strikingly similar to the picture above. He was a young guy, friendly enough, but he was obviously as bored as I was. 

The seats were so close together that you could smell the person's breath beside you. The poor fella got the raw end of the deal 'cause I'm sure I didn't smell like no rose from the pesto I had for dinner the night before, and the alceehol fumes from a very late evening. Hippie dude just ate some peanuts and his Pepsi was making him burp. I don't find the smell of peanuts or Pepsi offensive, so I would just smile and nod when he would look over at me sheepishly and whisper, "excuse me".
After a few more belches, he got out a legal pad and started writing something purty intently. I knew he wasn't taking notes on the lecture because we were given plenty of written materials in a notebook. Being the nosey, totally bored neighbor that I was, I thought I would check out what had this hippie so entranced. Believe it or not, he was writing a "Dear John" letter, only it was addressed to Stephanie. Honestly, I didn't think people still wrote letters, especially someone as young as him. So you better believe I was ALL over this shizz like white on rice baby 'cause this was the best entertainment I was gonna get in this hell hole. Here are bits and pieces of the highlights that my roving eyes could see:

Dear Stephanie,
I've been thinking a lot about our last conversation...
I admire your kindness, genuine spirit, zest for life...
Let me propose a 3 month break...
Despite your flaws, I miss you greatly...
We really connect on a level like no other, no other person ever really got me, really got me you know...
You taught me the art of loving myself, and for that I will be eternally grateful...
When I think of you, I think of a beautiful bouquet of flowers that... (I missed the analogy because nature called from my rehydration efforts)
When that 60 minute class was over, I saw tears in the poor hippie's eyes so I knew his Dear Stephanie letter was painful for him. Sure wish I had a joint to offer him to ease his pain, but sadly I had to move along to my next class, and hippie dude got lost in the crowd. So as we are closing in on the 3 month break period, I was wondering if hippie dude and Stephanie found their way back to each other? Have any of you ever received a Dear John letter? Peace out!
Images via Google Images


  1. I have both written and recieved such letters. I do wonder what has happened to the art of the hand-written letter. I suppose in the day and age of email that it's become a dying art.

  2. Hmmmm....good thing he could point out HER flaws. Sounds like his include NO NUT SACK!!!

  3. I think hippie dude is a hippie wimp. Talk about passive aggressive. First he praises her then throws in "despite your flaws". WTF?
    He "proposes a three month break"? What kind of shit is that? Fish or cut bait buddy!!!
    Really the only positive thing I get out of this pusses letter is that I like his liberal use of ....dots. Big fan of dots.

    Also, I worry about a young guy in this day and age not just texting her with a "Not working for me...movin on."

    As far as Dear John you might glean from the above comment, I have never written a Dear John letter nor have I ever received one. I started dating my husband when I was 15. Got married a year out of high school and have been married 41 years. If he wanted to break it off he missed his window of opportunity. At least I hope he has.

  4. Never written one or got one, thankfully. Poor guy had to have you stalking him too hahaha

  5. Never written or received one. And call me a meanie, but I agree with Cheryl. That letter comes across as pretty wimpy. Come on, hippie dude, sack the hell up.

  6. I am with Cheryl on this and I hope the young lady receiving his letter thought to herself, 'Oh, thank goodness for that!' and moved on.

    I have never written or received a 'Dear John' either.

    Instead, marriage number one ended when I spoke to my sister by satellite phone from Moçambique and she said, 'By the way Bro, I see you just bought Helen a new set of cool wheels. I'd be careful what you let her spend out of your account while you are away from now on if I were you'. Turns out the wife had some dude actually living in my house. So I flew back to UK, packed a suitcase full of things important to me and told her to get stuffed.

    Marriage number two ended after my wife started sleeping with her boss. Did I write her a letter? Did I have a set to? Did I bollocks. I told my secretary I was leaving the office and would probably be away some time. I went home, packed a suitcase with everything important to me and caught the next British Airways flight back to UK and then back down to my place in Cape Town. I had told my secretary, 'If my wife calls, tell her I said she should get stuffed'.

    I also lament the passing of the art of eloquent letter writing but sometimes it is better to just spit it out the way it is.

  7. I'm kind of with Cheryl on this one as well... I count around 8 or so compliments given toward Stephanie, which I might add, include HELPING Dude in his own life!!! But, wait: she has FLAWS... Who knows how their "Last conversation" ended, but I say Stephanie should take her "Flawed" self on down the road and let Dude go "find" himself elsewhere.

    Have a great day, Slu

  8. Yeah, I gotta say the temporary break is just wrong. That's like a "if I don't find something better" clause.

  9. Oh that sucks. I've never gotten a Dear John letter but I have been dumped. And it sucks.

  10. So very cool. I've received a poem, and some letters from a long distance boyfriend. Those letters revved me up and made me think of sunshine and lollipops. Ah, bliss.

  11. Awh Deb! That was interesting on many levels. a) YOU ARE AN ATTORNEY???? LAWYER???? SERIOUSLY???? b) I am glad you sat next to this hippie-dude. Funny that he was writing that letter then, tho. c) and ...YES, I will adopt you into my family any day of the week and twice on Sundays. We need a LAWYER in the mix. Now, you just draw up them papers, move to Utah, and ski to your hearts content! (oh, I guess you can stay in NC, but you'll have to come to our family parties about once a month!)

  12. I've never gotten one before, but I did send a Dear John text once. To be fair, I wanted to break up with the guy in person, but he got window what I was planning and started standing me up. Apparently his logic was that if we never actually met up, I couldn't break up with him. Well, I certainly showed him!

    1. Kellie, that means you're still goin out with him.

  13. I got one from a "friend" once. She handed me a note between classes (this was junior high I think), saying she didn't want to be friends with me anymore because I was too "bubbly". I just gave her the WTF look and didn't talk to her again. I had plenty of friends who loved my "bubbly" personality.

  14. I didn't write a letter because such eloquence would have been lost on the Porn King...

  15. More importantly, has John Deere ever received a Dear John?

  16. Dear Stephanie, This lady is reading over my shoulder. I bet she'll blog about me. Love, Hippie Dude P.S. She smells.

  17. I received a 7 page long love letter once. It was very nice and intimidating. Unfortunately i did not feel the same way but i kept the letter for years. You have the best timing when it comes to people you sit next to. (like the preacher at hospital).

  18. Awe.... I do this often, meet someone or something waiting somewhere and wonder.. Whatever happened to that person..

  19. I've written one, and yeah, some may say it's the cowardly way out, but it does work.