Friday, February 15, 2013

Post #300

DANG, this is the third time Willard Scott has come to my door 'cause today is my 300th blog post. WHOO HOO!!! I must say I still haven't gotten used to that dude ringin' my doorbell or seein' my picture on that Smucker's jar. Maybe by the time I hit the 1,000th post the hoopla will become old hat.

So today in celebration of the big event, I thought I would entertain you with my answers to some of the questions the delightfully hilarious, and always entertaining Menopausal Mother has challenged me with. Sure hope I can make her proud, as well as give y'all some more insight into who I really am. Here goes:

Where were you born?
Between my Mama's legs, and believe me,  it wasn't purty.
If you have children, how many do you have?
Two boys, affectionately nicknamed Yale and Jail.
How many pets do you have?
One crazy yellow lab named Casey. Good thang she's cute 'cause there ain't much between the ears.
Your worst injury?
One time after a few too many shots of  Botox I got the dreaded eye droop, so I looked like I either had Bell's Palsy, or like I was perpetually drunk for a couple of weeks. Not one to be deterred from a more youthful appearance, I'm still a faithful user of that glorious poison.
Do you have a special talent?
I can fart loud enough to break the sound barrier.
Would you bungee jump?
Only after Ryan Reynolds made sweet passionate love to me so that I was literally taking my victory swan dive. 
What is the first thing you notice about people?
Whether they are full of shit or not. My gut instinct is usually right on.
Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.
Debosas (champagne with a splash of mimosa), Cabernet and Sauvignon Blanc. Hope you weren't expectin' somethin' boring like water.
What song do you want played at your funeral?
First of all, my funeral will be termed a life celebration 'cause I want my friends to have a rockin' good time when they remember me. So, several years ago I started keepin' a list of all songs I want played at the big PAR-TAY. It's up to 3 pages long right now and includes everything from "Boogie Shoes" by KC & The Sunshine Band to "I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas.
What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I hold a grudge FOREVAH. I'm still pissed at some bitch from middle school who wouldn't help me one day when I threw up in the bathroom.
What do you look for in a friend?
Someone who doesn't have a stick up their ass and knows how to have F-U-N.
What's the last thing that made you laugh?
My answer to the talent question, because sadly it's true. Ask the poor dudes who have the pleasure of livin' with me.

Image via Google Images



  1. OMG! You just described me except for the botox, which I need to consider. If you know of anyone who can supply that let me know.

  2. Why did it take 300 posts before you told us about your special talent?
    I hope I get invited to your funeral.

  3. one is at Yale and one in Jail, or were they conceived in those places or is there some other explanation? :)

  4. So Casey's a golden lab? My brother had a black lab, and he did seem a little air-headed. He was trained very well though, much better than my dog where you can tell she always coming up with some kind of plan in her head to get what she wants.

  5. Casey is adorable!! Congrats on your 300th post :) your posts always make me laugh.

  6. Congrats on 300, the cat would love to pick on an air headed dog haha. I guess if I ever come near you I'll take a big shit before hand, then may I'll throw off your detector.

  7. Now I KNOW I gotta meet you because I'm convinced our ancestors were swimming in the same gene pool together. You rocked these questions, Woman. And hell yeah, I'd go to your funeral--I'd be the one leading the conga line! Hey, thanks for playing the game--- glad I got to know you better!

  8. Congrats on the 300! I know you only listed two songs from your list, but I'm liking it already! lol

  9. Why does someone go to your door? No one showed up at my door! Is this a blogger thing? Does it have to do with this Reynolds character you keep mentioning? Is there a power ring involved?

  10. Eh, botox or not, I'd hit it.

  11. Screw BOTOX, LET'S TALK "BUTTOCKS" !!!


  12. What a bitch not helping you while you're sick like that! ;) Happy 300th! I miss ya lady, sorry I've been MIA so long, I"m trying to get back to it!

  13. Congrats on the 300th post. Good to know that Willard is doing something to earn his wages. Really, just naming a few people that are on a Smuckers jar can't be considered a real job.

    As for the grudge...some things aren't worthy of forgiveness.

  14. Great answers. I just answered these same questions and I like your answers better.

  15. I used to answer "Where were you born?" with "I don't know. I was too young to remember," but I like YOUR answer so much better. Even though you'll never know it, I will now plagiarize you (ooh, now if THAT doesn't sound dirty).

  16. I could teach you how to fart like a lady - but I won't bother because you can buy a book called How to fart like a lady.

  17. Is your fart in the Guinness book of records?

  18. Love the picture of little Casey. So cute.