Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Craptacular PAR-TAY 2013

The craptacular crap

Yeppers folks, it's that time of the year again. Ya start puttin' away all of the awesome gifts the big ol' fat man got ya for Christmas, and ya just about have your new Kindle Fire and iPhone 5 figured out. But there still sits that one gift. You know the one. The one that was wrapped all fancy and purty, but when you opened it, you thought what the fuck is this piece of crap???? You're lookin' around at your family on Christmas day thinkin' it's a joke, and every one's gonna bust out laughin', but no one does. So, you put on that fake Vanna White smile and wonder who you pissed off this year to deserve somethin' off the WalMart clearance rack.
The craptastic crappers.
 
Not to worry, everybody gets crap. In fact, for many years now I have celebrated this tacky trash with my annual Christmas Crap PAR-TAY the first Saturday after New Year's Day. What a craptacular event indeed!!! You wouldn't believe the shizz people get as gifts. I structure the event like a Chinese ornament exchange where everyone gets a number and you start pickin' from the lot. You can steal someone else's gift or pick another wrapped item. Believe me when I tell ya, one person's trash is another person's treasure.  Oh, and the best part is the story behind how the person came into possession of the actual piece of crap. It's usually a mother in law, co-worker, or some other relative who says, "when I saw this, I immediately thought of you". Oh Yea, that just gives ya the warm and fuzzies.

There I am in my cruise ship track suit my Mom gave me waitin' for my guests to arrive. That young lady with me is the official Christmas Crap mascot named Velour. Obviously she is anatomically correct, and was an actual crap present several years ago. Ain't she gorgeous???


This festive snowman was the highlight of the crap party this year, 'cause he wiggles his little butt to the tune of "Shake Your Groove Thing". He went quickly and was "retired" after two steals. However, the rest of the crap left us all shakin' our heads. Up for grabs were ugly Christmas sweaters, rot gut wine, Dolly Parton CD's, a Russian tea set, a meatloaf maker, cheap ass picture frames, stinky candles, and various other items you wouldn't want under your tree. But definitely, the one present that had us all in stitches was this beauty:
WTF???????
That's me proppin' up Sweetie Pie's head 'cause it popped off when all the crappers were admiring the cherry pie stains on her feet. At least it was clean break. Straight across at the neck. The bitch felt no pain. 



20 comments:

  1. Around here, we call these white elephant parties. Craptastic is a much better name. I love unloading all of my junk at these shindigs. We aren't coffee drinkers, so once I unloaded every mug we'd ever been given. Although, we did have to lug home a huge painting of big-horned sheep.
    Looks like loads of fun, despite the creepy dolls.

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  2. I am lucky because we draw names in the family and my cool niece, who is near my age and is my best friend, cheats so she can get my name. She looks out for me by doing this and looking for hot men for me. Got a cool pair of boots and a bracelet this year. Nothing worthy of a craptastic party. It was all keepers.She still hasn't found the hot man for me though.

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  3. Lmao, yes the crap just piles up indeed, amazing the crappy stuff we get. Just give me the money and screw the crap, already full of that hahaha but a meatloaf maker? Just why.

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  4. Always a great time...and great crap!

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  5. This is the most FAB idea!!! You should see the ugly wine holder i was given. My fiance and i literally laughed last night about it!

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  6. We just had a party like that. It was quite fun. The best gift of all was the used dragon incense burner I gave out. In return I got an old saw, my first ever power tool! I believe we called our party a Yankee swap meet.

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  7. luckily all I got that was bad was a slightly stupid tshirt

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  8. A Crap Par-tay sounds totally fun!!! I escaped getting any shitty gifts this year but I have had more than enough to last a life time. That little doll thing with the broken neck is a piece of crap for sure. Was that a gift to a grown person? Surely not????

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  9. But has the giver of one of those gifts ever actually been to one of the parties? That could be... awkward.

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  10. I am so glad Sweetie Pie's head has already been detached from her body. I would have had nightmares about that creepy face. Knowing she is truly dead will allow me to sleep better at night.

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  11. This is an amazing idea, giving crappy gifts a chance at a new life. At the very least everyone can get a laugh out of them

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  12. that is an OUTSTANDING idea! You need to invite me next year so i can bring over my edible underwear (only slightly used!)

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  13. We are doing the same thing this weekend. The boyfriend's family made up a new name and branded it a "holiday" - has been an annual gathering for many many years. They even gave it a name - Pucha.

    Right.

    xx
    Lulu
    Breakfast After 10

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  14. That thing looks kinda like Carrot Top.... it's funny, I think your post from last year is when I stumbled upon your blog. How cool!!! :)

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  15. Deb! LOLOLOLOL !! OMYGosh! Best post EVER!!!!!!

    (and thinking I had a tub of wrought iron ain't a bad idea)

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  16. I'm torn between being sad and happy for not being among the invited guests :P

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  17. We had no money for presents and no festivities at all. Yet, we managed to have a great day, just me and my small family, together in love.

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  18. That's not a huge nutcracker behind you, is it? I hope not.
    I try to stay away from those things.
    Especially the ones at crotch height.

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  19. Love the crap mascot. Wish I'd have thought of that! Brilliant.

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  20. What a great time to share those "wonder gifts"! My only friends already came for Christmas.

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