Friday, August 31, 2012

We are #1, YEA, We are #1

YEE HAH, college football officially kicked off last night and I am so pumped 'cause this is my favorite season of the year. LET'S GOOOOOOOO MOUNTAINEERS!!!!! This year brings so much more excitement for my Mountaineers, not only because we have joined the Big 12, but because WVU has once again been named the #1 party school in the nation. YEA BUDDY!!!! We Mountaineer fans take this honor very seriously.

So, finally after 5 LONG years West Virginia claims the top spot again on the Princeton Review. Although WVU has been ranked in the top 20 party schools 12 times in the 21 years since the survey has been published, it sure is nice to be #1 again baby. Oh yea and the powerhouse academic institution that my Alma Mater is also ranked #1 in the "lots of beer" category. Who wouldn't be proud of that distinction? I mean any college that has a drive thru beer mart close to campus just freakin' rocks!!!

Now when I went away to college at the tender age of 17, I was an out of state student coming from a strict Pennsylvania Dutch background. I showed up at freshman orientation, while I was still in high school, and immediately noticed quite a few differences from where I came from. For instance every club and organization was set up to entice the incoming students to join, and lemme tell ya, they weren't servin' soda at those booths. There was a bar in the basement of my freshman dorm, and of course a more rockin' full bar at the student union. The whole Greek life with nightly keg parties was like somethin' straight outta the movie "Animal House". And if ya didn't start tailgaitin' about 9am for a noon football game, you were a serious loser. Hhhhhmmm, I thought I'm really gonna like this place and my liver adapted quickly!!!!



Pretty much any night of the week, some place in Morgantown was hosting a "ladies night", which meant drink specials for the girls and lots of guys hangin' out at the joint hopin' to get lucky. Obviously a win/win situation.  But back in the day, the area of town for a cheap drunk was called Sunnyside. There were blocks of sleazy bars right beside each other where you could literally walk outta one, and stumble into another. The biggest challenge of the night was to walk a straight line at the end of the evening so the law dogs didn't herd you into the paddy wagon and take you to the drunk tank. I am proud to say I never ended up in the paddy wagon during my tenure at WVU. WHOO HOO!!!!


So no matter how my Mountaineers fare on the football field this year, one thang is for damn sure, my school beat your school's ass in the partying department!!!!


Story: Here
Images via Google Images


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Dirty Laundry

It's Wacky Wednesday time again folks! Since people around the globe mourned the anniversary of the death of Elvis Presley a couple of weeks ago, I thought I would share with you the fact that even the King of Rock and Roll's dirty laundry is still a hot ticket item.

Yeppers, there is a genuine soiled pair of Elvis' "Britches" that are expected to fetch $16,000 at an auction in England next month. Looks like that "Hound Dog" had a "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On" on the stage rather than over the potty. I'm sure the King's "Blue Eyes are Crying in the Rain" right now 'cause those skivvies were obtained from the estate of his very own daddy Vernon Presley. That's just gotta be a blow to your "Confidence" and give ya that "Dirty, Dirty Feeling".


The BBC reports that by some sort of "Amazing Grace" those undies were worn by the King at a concert in 1977 under his iconic white jumpsuit so no panty lines would be seen. Obviously Elvis was "All Shook Up" from singin' such classics as "Jailhouse Rock" and "Blue Suede Shoes" and had a little bit of leakage. I'm not so sure how that "Big Hunk O' Love", weighin' 260 pounds at the time he wore these undies, would have fared if he tried to get lucky with a groupie that night after whispering in her ear, "Are You Lonesome Tonight"? The King's "Burning Love" may have either taken one look at those nasty tighty whities and walked out the door, or she was so star struck she just thought "It's Now or Never".

And ya gotta wonder if Elvis the Pelvis left a trail of skid marks with all that gyratin' he did. But, "Don't Be Cruel" folks 'cause Elvis' estate is gonna get its "Happy Ending" after all with a big ol' payday at auction!!!

Story: Here
Images Via Google Images

Monday, August 27, 2012

THE PAR-TAY HAS BEGUN!!!!

Today is my absolute favorite day of the year folks!!! No it's not Christmas, or even my birthday, it's an even bigger celebration in my house. TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL PEOPLE!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Today is my annual PAR-TAY for myself, by myself. Believe me, after a long summer vacation with no consistency with my kids, I have always treated this day as a sacred holiday. The champagne is flowin', the music is blarin', the screamin' and shoutin' will scare the neighbors, and although it is a solo party, you would swear on your Momma's life there were 100 or more folks in my house gettin' down and dirty. And yea, I realize I don't look near as good as Kate Moss swingin' from the chandelier, but I give it a damn good try!!!

Here are my PAR-TAY essentials. A bottle (or 2 or 3) of bubbly, a giant goblet, and my favorite thong for when I strip down during Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me". Yeppers, I'm all about an animal print!!! Now all of my friends know about my back to school celebration and it has become quite the joke among my inner circle. Several years ago, on the first day of school, the music was cranked, I was about 3 glasses into a bottle of champagne and already stripped down to my undies when the doorbell rang about 10am. I was really pissed thinkin' who in the hell would have the nerve to bother me on MY one day of the year when it's all about ME???

The way my house is layed out, you have to pass by the front door to get to the master bedroom. Since I was clad only in a thong, I had to crouch down below the front door, which has glass windows all around it, so whoever was there would not see my state of undress. I quickly put on a robe and answered the door. There stood a dude in shorts, a t-shirt, and holding a clipboard. Mind you, the disco music (YES, I SAID DISCO) is blarin' in the background. He said, "Hi, I'm the landscape specialist Beth recommended". Since I know quite a few ladies named Beth, the only thing my warped, drunken mind is thinkin' is that this guy is a stripper here to entertain me 'cause my rockin' girlfriends know this is MY day baby and they are makin' it even more special. Seriously, who in the hell has ever heard of a "landscape specialist"????


So I start clappin' and dancin' like a freakin' idiot and say shit like: "Oh yeah Mr. Landscape Specialist, bring it on"; "Go for it baby"; "My girl Beth is awesome"!!!! Sadly, he just stands there with a blank stare and says "I'm here to fix the broken sprinkler head. Maybe I should come back another day". Holy shit, talk about a killjoy. This guy was legit. I started laughing so hard and told him that it had been a LOOOONNNNG summer and that it was the first day my kids were back in school and I was havin' a little bit of fun. He replied, "I can see that Ma'am".

Not one to be deterred, I poured myself another glass of bubbly, raised my glass to the ceiling and toasted out loud, "To the landscape specialist, may your sprinkler head always rise to the occasion and NEVAH, EVAH be broken". I wonder how many times that poor fella has told the story of the drunken chick in the white terry cloth robe he called upon that fine day????

Images via Google Images
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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Weekend Wisecrack

Poor Guy


A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Image via Google Images

Friday, August 24, 2012

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas

You know that old saying folks, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". I suppose no one wishes that were more true right now than Prince Harry huh? WHOO WEE that wild child sure did have himself a good ol' time last Friday in Sin City. Yeppers, last Friday night, Harry and his entourage went down to the hotel bar and met a bunch of hot chicks. They then invited the babes up to their VIP suite where every body's clothes came off and they enjoyed a ROYAL PARTAY!!!! The Prince himself turned into Minnesota Fats and a game of naked billiards was underway. Unfortunately for Harry, someone in the group snapped some photos, which are now in the hands of TMZ. But like every proper English citizen who keeps a stiff upper lip, the rep for the Royal family has no comment on the pictures at this time.

 It appears that the Prince is a tad bit embarrassed of the crown jewels because he may be playing with a short cue stick. If he was playin' cards, I do believe that would be a royal flush on his cheeks. But surely he ain't complainin' 'cause there are literally thousands of chicks who would like to be this girl and be behind Harry's eight ball.

DANG, looks like Harry is quite adept at stretching over to make a shot, and if he's real lucky he might end up with a royal ball in the corner pocket. And the little pool hustler with him looks like she has a firm grip on the pool stick. Obviously she understands that in the game of billiards, you need a smooth stroke for your best performance. She sure does give a whole new meaning to the word pool "rack". One thang is for damn sure, there ain't gonna be any #2 balls left on the table at the end of the evening, 'cause I doubt there will be any blue balls left in the room.


The winner of the ELASTILash contest is Jessica Keys Luttrell. Congratulations Jessica and thank you to everyone who entered!!!

Story: Here


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Secret Life of Santa Claus

Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday folks! Ya know I never really thought about what Santa Claus did on the off season when he wasn't makin' a list, checkin' it twice, and tryin' to find out who was naughty and nice. But I'm here to tell ya that Jolly Ol' St. Nick actually leaves the sanctity of The North Pole for a little R and R, and when he does, he lets it ALL hang out baby!!!!

Seems as if Santa prefers to use the sleigh only in the winter months. Come summer time the big man pulls his Hog outta the garage and heads south for a warmer climate. Looks like the Harley ain't the only hog in the picture. It appears Jolly Ol' St. Nick got a tad bit hot in his leathers and decided to strip on down so folks could see his belly shake like a bowl full of jelly. My dear friend Mindy had the good fortune of running into Santa at East Coast Sturgis in Maryland. When she came upon Kris Kringle without his traditional red suit, he said to her, "You want to take my picture, don't you"? OH HELL YEA SHE DID!!!!! I mean it's not every day that you see Santa at a motorcycle rally, naked as a jay bird comin' outta the shower. And who knew Santa had a big ol' tat on his arm? Now that just rocks!!!

Mrs. Claus did not accompany her husband on this trip, but instead felt compelled to stay behind with the elves who are servicing her needs while the ol' man is on VACAY. Hey, everyone needs a break from the daily grind ya know? Plus I hear the Mrs. don't like to be called "Harley Trash" when she rides on the back of Santa's bike. She is a refined lady after all.

Santa sure does make an impression on his Harley trike, and I imagine that was one heck of a trip from the North Pole all the way down to Maryland. Although rumor has it the skid marks that Santa leaves behind are not from his ride, but rather only on the seat. Good thing he's fully clothed when he takes the reins of that sleigh or Rudolph and the gang might petition for more sanitary working conditions.

So enjoy the rest of your summer Mr. Claus, and I'll be lookin' for ya to come down my chimney on Christmas Eve. I've been a REAL good girl this year. (wink) 

Don't forget to enter the fantabulous ELASTILash giveaway. The winner will be announced on Friday. Details Here

Mindy, you are da bomb girlfriend for sharing this picture and allowing me to run with it for Wacky Wednesday!!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Perfect Country Song

AW SHUCKS folks, seems as if one of our home grown boys here in North Cackalacky has fallen into a downward spiral. Yeppers, 7 time Grammy winner Randy Travis, age 53, has made some choices that have turned his life into the perfect country song that has been blasted all over the news, internet and my beloved People magazine. In case you haven't heard, it appears as if Randy went into a Tiger Mart naked as a jay bird and tried to buy some cigarettes. Later he crashed his 1998 Pontiac Trans Am. The po po found him naked and injured, but the washed up country singer decided to threaten the law dogs' lives instead of just goin' nicely on a DUI charge. Rumor has it he is facing some demons after he split from his 71 year old wife. Now every time I drive to Charlotte and go through that little ol' town of Marshville and see that famous sign, "Home of Randy Travis", I'm gonna sing me this little diddy:

(sung to Randy's hit "Honky Tonk Moon")

Thought I would have me a little drink.
Jump in my 98 Trans Am so I could think.
Shoulda took my pick up truck.
Instead I got all liquored up.
Went to the Tiger Mart in my birthday suit.
Wanted to buy some cigs but didn't have the loot.
Thought a lot about my bleedin', broken heart.
My 71 year old wife who don't give a fart.
Took the corner way too fast.
Ended up flat on my naked ass.
Blue lights came a screamin' in.
That damn cop said I threatened him.
In my mug shot I got a black eye.
Yea, you should see the other guy.
Now I'm facin' 10 years in jail.
Hope my cougar ex will post me some bail.

(chorus) I got the has been country singer blues...............

The AMAZING ELASTILash giveaway is still up and running for a few more days. Click Here for details!!!!!

Story: Here

Thank you Sarah for giving me the heads up about poor Randy's troubles.

Monday, August 20, 2012

My Bicentennial Post and Giveaway

It happened again folks. Willard Scott showed up at my doorstep and presented me with a Smucker's jar with my mug shot on it. I must say ol' Willard is quite a lively chap indeed. This time we are celebrating my 200th blog post. Two, zero, zero, which is like a bicentennial if we were counting in years!!!! Can you believe it????

Since I get such a kick outta spreading the joy to all of you through my warped and wacky sense of humor, I thought I should honor you for actually taking the time to read these 200 posts. Like I always say, my blog is definitely for the discriminating reader. So for all of you discriminating readers, I have an AMAZING giveaway.


I got my hot little hands on a bottle of Obagi ELASTILash eyelash solution. WHOO HOO!!!!! All because I love ya from here to the moon and back again. This is the real deal people!!!! A $60 retail value yours free if you win the contest. ELASTILash promises longer, thicker, fuller eyelashes without a prescription. Also, there is no evidence of eyelid darkening like that other competitor out there. Now guys, do NOT be afraid to enter this contest 'cause your lady friend will certainly repay you in sexual favors should you be the big winnah. And seriously, there is no judgment here if you wanna use this sensational product yourself. Remember ya gotta play to win!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway





Saturday, August 18, 2012

Weekend Wisecrack

COMEDIC GEMS RIGHT HERE IN THE PORT CITY

 
Looks like somebody is in the doghouse.
Photo courtesy of my friend Deborah who captured this on her morning walk.

Redneck Retailer- excellent command of the English language.
Lesson Learned- the owners of this establishment do not appreciate locals taking pictures of their sign. Some folks clearly have no sense of humor!!!

The blindsidemobile- ain't nuthin' you can't fix with duct tape!!!





Friday, August 17, 2012

Word Up

As schools around the nation get ready to open their doors for another academically challenging year, the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary has added about 100 new additions to the 114 year old dictionary's annual update. The words making the short list this year cover everything from the great and powerful Oprah expression, sports and entertainment, the beer industry, and of course sex.

Here are some of the most popular words and definitions that made the coveted list this year. Personally I believe Oprah got totally screwed by not receiving full credit in the definition of "aha moment". The queen of talk brought that phrase into mainstream media, so give credit where credit is due people!!!!

aha moment (1939): a moment of sudden realization, inspiration, insight, recognition or comprehension. Uh yea, but Oprah is the person who made this phrase uber popular on a certain daytime TV talk show.
brain cramp (1982): an instance of temporary mental confusion resulting in an error or lapse of judgment. I thought that was called a brain fart????

bucket list (2006):  a list of things that one has not done before but wants to do before dying. Just goes to show ya, that even mediocre, non blockbuster movies can have a place memorialized in the dictionary.
energy drink (1904): a usually carbonated beverage that typically contains caffeine and other ingredients (as taurine and ginseng) intended to increase the drinker's energy. Quite honestly, with every movie star and A list athlete drinking Red Bull and Monster, I think Webster's was a bit behind in adding this word to the sacred list.
f-bomb (1988): used metaphorically as a euphemism. What the hell kinda definition is that????? Call a spade a spade. Perhaps a more fitting definition would be, "a more gentile version of the 4 letter word FUCK".
man cave (1992): a room or space (as in a basement) designed according to the taste of the man of the house to be used as his personal area for hobbies and leisure activities. Seriously, "man cave" made the cut but "girls night out" did not? Where is the justice folks???
sexting (2007): the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone. Yeppers, you have all either done it, know someone who has and gotten in a heap load of trouble, or y'all just lyin' to protect the guilty.

After reading the top 25 words that will be added to the prestigious Webster's this year, I thought of some others that are sorely lacking from our go-to authority of the English language. These words certainly deserve their moment of glory:

moobs: man boobs
fantabulous: a combination of the words fantastic and fabulous.
cougar: term used to describe a mature woman who is dating a much younger man. Ex: a certain blogger pushing the big 5-0, who in her fantasy world, is dating the likes of Channing Tatum and Ryan Reynolds.
manscaping: the art of shaving, waxing or lasering off the hair of a man's body.
debosa: a glass of champagne with a splash of mimosa. Hey, if the powers at be ain't givin' Oprah full credit for her "aha moment", then I'm gonna make a plea for my signature drink right here and now!!! Ya hear that Webster's!!!
awesomesauce: if anyone knows the definition of this crazy word that I see used every day in the blogosphere, PLEASE enlighten me.

So folks, what words do you think should be added to the almighty Webster's and be cemented in stone FOREVAH?

Story: Here
Images via Google Images








Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Leave It To Beaver

It's Wacky Wednesday time again folks, and when I saw this article on my friend Rossie's Facebook page, I just KNEW it was Wacky Wednesday blog material. It appears that not every boy scout lives by the sacred motto, "Be Prepared". Poor Normand Brousseau, a boy scout leader, was swimming in a Pennsylvania river when a rabid beaver swam through his legs and bit him in the chest, leg, butt, arm and torso. I realize it's difficult to imagine the words "beaver" and "boy scout" in the same sentence, but be that as it may, if Mr. Brousseau had "been prepared" like the boy scouts had taught him, perhaps his injuries may have been less severe.

First of all, ya gotta know how to treat a beaver. Most beavers like to be gently caressed, stroked and massaged in their sweet spot in order for them to behave nicely. Beavers are very temperamental creatures, but once you figure out how to please them, you really got 'em in the palm of your hand.  You definitely don't wanna play rough with a beaver, 'cause that's when them bitches get all crazy on ya and start foamin' at the mouth, which explains the rabies diagnosis in this situation. Plus, if Mr. Troop Leader was spazzin' out and flailin' around that just makes a beaver clamp down even harder to keep things goin' at a nice and steady rhythm. 

Second, you NEVAH invade a beaver's den uninvited. Oh no mister!!! Just like a den mother who is fiercely protective of her cub scouts, so too is a beaver protective of its personal space. You need to wine and dine the beaver a bit, do a little of that smooth talkin', make that furry thang feel a bit special before a beaver is gonna allow ya to get into its den. Otherwise, that beaver gonna sink its teeth into ya where the sun don't shine, and them beaver teeth just ain't purty.

Now I imagine Mr. Brousseau earned himself another merit badge in beaver handling, or something of that sort, for his courage in warding off that rabid animal. Of course anyone other than a boyscout would just put another notch on their bedpost after a raucous night of beaver handling. But hey, a badge is a badge people!!!! And in another act of bravery, other boyscouts at the scene did in fact use rocks to kill this large rodent that day. Right there folks is the boyscout version of a beaver shot. 

Unfortunately for Mr. Brousseau, I understand that rabies shots are more painful to endure than the VD shots that might have been necessary with other type of beaver infections. Just to be on the safe side, perhaps using a beaver dam (aka condom) is the best way to teach all boyscouts to "be prepared"!!!!!

Story: Here
Images via Google Images

Thank you so much Rossie for the awesome blog material!!!

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Monday, August 13, 2012

A Low Blow

Folks, I have AMAZING news for BOTH men and women. Somethin' y'all can definitely debate over cocktails. A cutting edge researcher, who of course happens to be a man, discovered a cure for morning sickness. Forget those bland foods like ginger tea, saltines, popsicles and chicken soup that women have tried for generations. Nope, throw those concoctions out the window, 'cause according to Gordon Gallup, a psychologist at SUNY-Albany, the best way to cure morning sickness during pregnancy is sperm. But not just any sperm, it should be the sperm of the person who got you pregnant. Oh yea, and did I forget to mention, that the preferred method of receiving this sperm is through oral sex? OF COURSE PEOPLE!!!!! BLOW JOBS CURE MORNING SICKNESS!!!!!!! How could we all have been so damn stupid all of these years?????

This may be a tough nut to crack, but I've cum to the conclusion that the results of this cockamamie study are just hard to swallow. It really is a mouthful, and many people just don't give a lick about scientific studies. Every Tom, Dick and Harry will probably have a stroke when they read it. Others will have a ball when they hear about it, or they may just blow it off as junk science.

Mr. Gallup's cock and bull theory is that morning sickness is caused by the unfamiliar semen in the woman's body during pregnancy. The woman's body will initially reject the father's semen as an infection by vomiting. So, the best way to build up a tolerance to this demon seed is to ingest more of it through oral sex, kinda like a vaccine. Yes ladies, you not only have the joy of carrying around a basketball in your belly, gaining weight, retaining massive amounts of fluid, and then pushing a 7-10 pound baby outta a hole the size of a lemon, but now, you also have the distinct pleasure of swallowing your baby daddy's sperm during your pregnancy to ward off the dreaded puking. WHOO WEE, let's hear it for Mr. Gallup, a true visionary indeed.

Guys, I realize havin' your dome chromed more frequently is just one more "fatherly responsibility" you might have to endure, but you are just gonna have to suck it up. Seriously dudes, it might really suck for 9 months but try to stick it out. When things get really hard, just try to blow off some steam. I trust you can do it!!!

The great news is that fellatio will no longer be regarded as just foreplay, or some nasty deed porn stars perform before "the money shot". Oh no folks, BJ's will now be seen as having a real basis in scientific research, heck, even a proven medicinal remedy. So guys and gals everywhere, start gobblin' the knob!!! And for GAWD's sake- SWALLOW, 'cause it's a proven fact that it's good fer what ails ya!!!

Story: Here
Image via Google Images

Thank you so much to my friend Kristen who sent me this article and just KNEW it was blog material. Was she EVAH right!!!!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Friday, August 10, 2012

The Doppelganger

Oh my dear blogging friends how I have missed you while I was gone!!! The train wreck story that is my parents' saga will have to wait for another post, or perhaps a book, 'cause there ain't enough space to even begin to tell ya their entire mess. But while I was vising the 'rents, my dear friend Mindy who I have known for about 40 years, took me out for Sunday brunch 'cause she knew I needed a break. We drove down to Fell's Point, Md, which is a hot, trendy spot near Baltimore's Inner Harbor. First stop was the WaterFront Hotel where you can pay $10 for all you can drink. UH YEAH, that was a no brainer 'cause after the hell I had been going through the past few days, those people lost money on me. Look at the size of our Debosas. Obviously I was making them incorrectly all of these years by serving them in a champagne glass. WHO KNEW??????

 So, after filling up on brunch and several Debosas, we decided to try a new venue. We walked down the street and saw this interesting bar called, "The Horse You Rode In On". Check out the cool saddles for bar stools. We were the first customers in the joint and I almost fell off my saddle when I saw the bar tender.

Her name is Big Vic and she is in the middle of Mindy and I. Now I am the first to admit that I watch some seriously trashy TV. I LOVE me some Mob Wives 'cause them bitches can fight and cuss like no body's business. Forget that wimpy Real Housewives crap. You wanna see real drama, tune in to Mob Wives!! Well, on the original Mob Wives there was this character named Big Ang, who had quite a unique look to say the least, and she owned a bar on Staten Island. And, as luck would have it, Big Ang now has her own reality show. Believe me, you haven't lived until you watch Big Ang get a colonic!!!

Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think another human being could look like Big Ang. She is truly an original. But, I actually met Big Vic and I'm here to tell ya folks she is a dead ringer for Big Ang. Big Vic even told us that other people have commented and told her that she looks like Big Ang. Her voice has the same husky tone, her body type is the same, the way she holds her cigarette in her mouth while she's pouring drinks is the same, and she even calls you "honey" or "sugar" just like Big Ang. It is truly an amazing phenomenon.

There's Big Ang in all her glory. Yes, I realize the hair is quite different, but if you have ever seen Big Ang's reality show, and saw Big Vic in person, you would know for certain there is a doppelganger for everyone. Big Vic even admitted her boobs used to be that same size but she had them reduced. What a pity!! The only difference is that Big Vic told us she does NOT like Mobsters, while the opening credits to Big Ang's reality show have her saying, "I like the wise guys". Oh well, even identical twins have a couple of personality differences.

One thang is for damn sure, if you are EVAH in the Baltimore area, it will be worth your while to visit Big Vic 'cause she's highly entertaining and she makes a mean drink. Ya can't beat the homemade flavored Jack Daniels she makes in the alley behind the bar that she swears "is legal". And like she says, "she's givin' Big Ang some serious competition". I must say I gotta agree.

Images via Google Images

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Weekend Wisecrack

Over the mountains and thru the woods to Grandmother's house we go.
Lawd, help me get thru these days and make them not go slow.
My relationship with my parents is akin to a clap of thunder.
They have mini golf meltdowns and serious bowling blunders.
A visit to Hershey Park is always the highlight of our trip.
It's the sweetest place on earth to take a chocolate dip.
So blogging friends I will see you in about a week.
While I'm gone, the blogosphere is a place I shall not even take a peek.
I'm sure I will have many wacky stories for you upon my return.
Because bringing you "the funny" is where my heart will yearn. 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

And They Said It Wouldn't Last.....

26 YEARS AGO

Twenty six years ago today, I married a West Virginia redneck with a mullet, who drove an old beat up Cutlass he called "the war pig", we lived in a trailer named "the crib", and we had 17 cents in our bank account. While we were short on cash, we were plenty in love. Through the years, mother nature took care of the mullet, the war pig met its demise, some other piece of trailer trash bought the crib, and our bank account became more secure.

TODAY


 One thing never changed- we are still plenty in love. Happy Anniversary to my favorite redneck who is still making all of my dreams come true!!!!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A Beer or a Shot?


Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday folks!!! Ya know every day I'm amazed at all of the wacky stories I read on the web, in the newspaper, or see on TV. But I experience real joy when one of my faithful readers sends me something and says, "I saw this article and think you should blog about it". Honestly, that just makes my day that people out there really do appreciate my weird and warped sense of humor. So, today's wacky headline comes from my old friend Sarah who thought I could take this story and run with it.

OK folks, when you get home after a nice dinner and want to relax on your front porch do you normally prefer a beer or a shot? Well if you're 64 year old Martin Mazur from the Florida Keys, you prefer a tall cold one. However, when 62 year old Carolyn Dukeshire walked by and asked him if she could have a beer and he refused, she gave him a shot instead. A shot with her 9 mill that is. Yeppers, Ms. Dukeshire, known as Sea Hag, opened fire on Mr. Mazur when he refused to give her a beer, striking him in the abdomen, back and wrist. He died later at the hospital.

There's little Ms. Sea Hag herself. Ain't she a beauty? Plus, she's packin' heat and obviously knows how to use it baby!!! Lemme tell ya, after readin' this story, I'm keepin' my liquor cabinet fully stocked in case anyone happens to stop by and asks for any sort of libation that I might not normally have on hand. The last thing I need is for someone to ask me for a drink, me having to politely refuse, and them givin' me a shot instead. Shots just ain't my thang. I never could do a shot in just one sip. Ask any of my friends. I'm a complete wimp. It always takes me at least 3 or 4 sips to gulp a shot of liquor. Plus, I'm not a big fan of the injectable sort of shots either. So yea, I think I'll just stick to bein' polite and offer up folks a beer or two as they pass on by so I don't have to be dealin' with shots of any kind.  

Now I think there's a lesson to be learned here that would serve us all well. If someone asks you for a beer, just be kind, be courteous, do unto others as you would have done to you etc. Otherwise, if you are asked for a beer, you gonna get a shot!!!!

Story: Here
Images via Google Images