Bring on the Pork Rinds!

Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday folks, and just when you thought you needed to loosen the ol' belt a notch or two from all of your holiday indulgences, we now discover that obesity tops hunger as the world's biggest food problem. Now that's a weighty issue fo' sho!!!

It's true!!! Global health data shows that the years of life lost from obesity outnumber those lost by hunger. What's more, obesity is a problem in all countries except sub-Saharan Africa. Story Here DANG, and I just thought Americans were the king of porkers. So, as I was ponderin' this problem, I really think my buddy Wayne hit the nail on the head with the idea of a telethon to help bring awareness to the issue. Who knows, maybe even a cure will be found other than the obvious zip your lip and move your ass remedy.

Yes, as the world watches with an industrial size bag of pork rinds between our legs and a 2 pounder of peanut M & M's for dessert, a few portly stars will man the phones so we can relate to their plight. John Goodman, Rosie O'Donnell, Jack Black and Gabourey Sidibe could all make tearful pleas for money, sayin' they didn't become obese on purpose, but rather the pressure of Hollywood and its many opportunities for the In-N-Out Burger chain led them to overeat. 

However, we know there IS hope. Just look at the likes of Al Roker, Star Jones, Randy Jackson and Roseanne Barr who have all had gastric bypass. Go under the knife baby, and voila, the fat just disappears and you shrink to half your former size. Or how about sprinklin' some of that magic fairy dust SENSA on your food which is guaranteed to make you eat less, and hence lose up to 30 pounds in 30 days. Hey, if it's good enough for the Millionaire Matchmaker, it's good enough for me baby. Of course there's always juice cleanses, colonics, and fasts, but who wants to starve themselves and sit on the potty all day when other, more humane methods are so readily available.

Like this wacky form of weight loss I came across while doin' my research for this post. It is a form of acupuncture called ear stapling. Just a simple staple to the piece of cartilage just above and to the left of the tragus portion of the external ear is said to suppress the appetite. Practitioners claim ear stapling works wonders, and with a price tag of only 35 to 60 bucks per ear, whaddya got to lose, except some unwanted l-bees. Research: Here 

So before you do anything drastic like call up that crazy bitch Jillian Michaels who is sure to open up a can of whoop ass on ya, why not try sportin' a fashionable ear staple. It sure looks like it will make a nice accessory to most any outfit, you won't be weigh in over your head with surgical complications, and who knows, you may even hear alien radio signals and communicate with Elvis given that new found piece o' metal in your ear.

And for those of you who may be weigh over budget this year, have no fear. Simply go to your desk drawer, and KA-CHUNK, KA-CHUNK, you can start melting away the pounds.  Warning: you may need some liquid courage before this DIY project!!!!

Images via Google Images