It's not only Wacky Wednesday folks, but it's the day before the gluttony begins here in the good ol' USA. Have you done your Thanksgiving grocery shopping yet? If not, my advice is to gear up, 'cause I went this weekend, and lemme tell ya, the natives were gettin' restless. It was an all out, knock out drag out, to the check out line!
So before I attempted to enter the grocery store, I got into full on Derby Deb mode. Yeppers, I slipped on the ol' knee pads, elbow pads, head gear, and even donned a pair of brass knuckles in case I needed to take out that SOB who tries to start a fight while we're both reachin' for that coveted can of creamed corn. Good thang I was so prepared 'cause some fools were lobbin' around them Butterball turkeys like they were tennis balls. I swear I saw a frozen turkey whizz by my head just as I ducked for safety behind the ample posterior of some 300 pounder. People were gettin' downright nasty in the produce section 'cause the collard greens were almost all gone. Apparently Kale is not an appropriate substitution. DANG, I just grabbed a bag of cranberries and got the hell outta there! Over in the baking aisle thangs were a little friendlier until some woman realized her kid crushed the graham cracker crust she just put in her cart. Guess that little whipper snapper ain't gettin' no pumpkin pie this year. And don't even get me started on the ladies debating over herbed vs. corn bread Pepperidge Farm Stuffing. So, once I put my tub of Cool Whip in my cart it was time to start bobbin' and weavin' my way over to checkout.
I'm pleased to report that when my big ol' bird is carved tomorrow I will have no battle scars from going into combat. The same can not be said of that crazy bitch who tried to beat me to the last container of pumpkin flavored egg nog. Hopefully her hair stylist was able to do somethin' about that chunk of hair that's now missin' from her head.
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