Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Derby Deb

It's not only Wacky Wednesday folks, but it's the day before the gluttony begins here in the good ol' USA. Have you done your Thanksgiving grocery shopping yet? If not, my advice is to gear up, 'cause I went this weekend, and lemme tell ya, the natives were gettin' restless. It was an all out, knock out drag out, to the check out line!

So before I attempted to enter the grocery store, I got into full on Derby Deb mode. Yeppers, I slipped on the ol' knee pads, elbow pads, head gear, and even donned a pair of brass knuckles in case I needed to take out that SOB who tries to start a fight while we're both reachin' for that coveted can of creamed corn. Good thang I was so prepared 'cause some fools were lobbin' around them Butterball turkeys like they were tennis balls. I swear I saw a frozen turkey whizz by my head just as I ducked for safety behind the ample posterior of some 300 pounder. People were gettin' downright nasty in the produce section 'cause the collard greens were almost all gone. Apparently Kale is not an appropriate substitution. DANG, I just grabbed a bag of cranberries and got the hell outta there! Over in the baking aisle thangs were a little friendlier until some woman realized her kid crushed the graham cracker crust she just put in her cart. Guess that little whipper snapper ain't gettin' no pumpkin pie this year. And don't even get me started on the ladies debating over herbed vs. corn bread Pepperidge Farm Stuffing. So, once I put my tub of Cool Whip in my cart it was time to start bobbin' and weavin' my way over to checkout.

I'm pleased to report that when my big ol' bird is carved tomorrow I will have no battle scars from going into combat. The same can not be said of that crazy bitch who tried to beat me to the last container of pumpkin flavored egg nog. Hopefully her hair stylist was able to do somethin' about that chunk of hair that's now missin' from her head.

Images via Google Images

15 comments:

  1. LMAO remind me to never ever try and fight with you over the last of anything in the store.

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  2. I think we need a video of this....

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  3. I agree Dezmond, a video would be good.

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  4. I'm almost certain that when people say "the spirit of giving" they don't mean giving bruises, head contusions, and bloody noses. Almost. I'm shivering in my boots, as I have to go to the store today to get my one contribution to the meal. Rolls. I get to bring store-bought dinner rolls. Having no kitchen does have it's perks.
    Have a great Thanksgiving!

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  5. grocery stores are crazy the whole week, I used to work one all the time. Every fool comes out of the woodwork to make life suck. For something that's suppose to be "1" meal, business just goes boom.

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  6. Can I tell you how much I hate creamed corn? Even the name makes me gag.

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  7. I'm supposed to be going to the store now for an onion but I really have no desire to go. It will be left out of my recipe that I'm making right now. Happy Thanksgiving funny girl

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  8. Deb! hi! hahahahahaha. i can picture all of these antics you are going through at the grocery store. great scene in my head.

    YES MY GRANDSON has the best gobble gobble baby cheeks EVER! I don't care about the turkey dinner, I just want to hug my grandkids for a while. My oldest turned 10 last week. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! 10 years ago my 1stdd became a mommy and made me a grandma and my mom a great-grandma at age 86! My Mom passed away the following year at age 87 with ONE great-grandchild linked to her posterity. Her sister, my aunt that is just 18 months younger than my Mom had 36 great-grands that same year. odd but true.

    Now carry on and bring on the pumpkin pie!!!!

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  9. So food shopping is a warm up for Black Friday sales? I'm glad we shop in different places!

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  10. And there's no video of this because . . . ? lol And I'm glad I live across the country from you because I don't think I'd like to come up against you in the grocery store. lol Although, I would have totally handed you the eggnog because ICK. lol

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  11. Sounds very similar to my grocery experience on Sunday. I thought I was smart going early but I think I would have had better luck going today. Of all the blasted things to be out of...canned yams! The giant can I need to do my famous sweet potato candy crunch veggie dish thing that I am mandated to bring for the family gathering. I was able to climb into the depths of the shelf and find a few smaller cans thus saving my arse but it was a close one!! Have a lovely Thanksgiving!

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  12. I'm gonna get me some of those brass knuckles! What I lack in agility I add on with metal! Have a great Thanksgiving!

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  13. I'm sure she didn't need that chunk of hair. You probably did her a favor by removing it.

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  14. I've already done my Thanksgiving shopping. Bought two cases of beer.
    Then tomorrow it's off to my sister's house.
    Where I probably won't even be able to pronounce 'tryptophan' by the evening news.
    Good times, good times.

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  15. You are too hilarious! I could actually picture your grocery store escapade as I read on. I went to the grocery store today a little frustrated that I waited until the last moment. However, my story was smooth sailing from beginning to end, with the exception of the baking aisle. But I'm a good bob & weaver too, so it went smooth for me, maybe not for the others. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

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