Friday, September 28, 2012

Gender Bender

Most of us old timers probably remember the androgynous character named Pat on Saturday Night Live. Well, I was lucky enough to see a real live Pat the other day, and lemme tell ya, I'm still confused by the whole deal. So, on Wacky Wednesday my gorgeous and hilarious friend Hot Tamale and I had a long overdue coffee date to talk about everything under the sun like kids, school, vacations, sex etc. While sipping my pumpkin latte, Hot Tamale informs me there is someone sitting directly behind me who is so androgynous that she can't tell if the person is a male or female. Of course I can't turn around to see for myself 'cause that would be flat out rude. We continue with our lively conversation, and right when Hot Tamale is educating me on the meaning of "carrot crotch" (red pubic hair in case you didn't know), the shemale gets up to go to the bathroom.  The person was quite thin, wearing surgical scrubs, sneakers, and had long hair pulled back in a ponytail.

It all happened so quickly that I didn't think to grab my phone for a photo op or to stalk this person to see what bathroom they went into. However, what did grab my attention was the sideburns on the gender bender. WHOA, for a slightly built, mousy haired person of about 25'ish, she/he was sportin' some serious chops!!!! So, Hot Tamale and I had a conversation that purty much went like this:

Me: WOW, it had nice hair but did you see those huge ass sideburns? I'm thinkin' it's a dude.
HT: Yea, but it's built like a woman in those scrubs.
Me: No tits though.
HT: True but lots of chicks aren't as lucky as us. (Pushes her amazing cleavage together for the full effect)
Me: HaHa maybe she's Greek. Greeks have serious facial hair issues.
HT: (laughs) Even if she was mentally challenged, you would think someone close to her would do something about those nasty ass sideburns.
Me: That's why I'm tellin' ya it's a guy.

So we watch as the shemale exits the coffee shop and walks slowly and deliberately to its car, which is an old model green Jeep Grand Cherokee. How androgynous can ya get there folks??? After checking its phone messages, FINALLY we got our answer:

She flipped down the rear view mirror and carefully applied her lipstick and then rubbed her lips together like every refined lady does. Hot Tamale and I looked at each other and said in unison, "HOLY SHIT, it IS a woman". But I'm here to tell ya folks, the most beautiful shade of lipstick in the world ain't gonna do a thang for ya, if ya don't know the benefits of laser hair removal.

Images via google Images


  1. I have seen some of these shemales around town and it is very confusing to me. It gets more confusing when I see young men/women (?) in skinny, colored jeans or older men/women (?) with man boobs.

  2. Oh, I love the "Male or Female" game! Hilarious.

  3. The Greeks will now come and burn down your blog, sister! Greeks are actually a rather hot nation.
    Those sideburns really are scary.

  4. annnnnnnd...somebody BANGS it.

    1. Yeah...okay...I probably would. After all, the worst I ever had was wonderful.

  5. Bama Trav, you are cracking me up! So true! There is a market for everything scarily enough!
    I was friends with a very questionable looking woman (I think Pat was based off of her, for reals!), she was awesome and we have super fun together as she was (not shockingly) a lesbian and her gaydar was impeccable! No one in the world better to be in an airport with...hours of fun!

  6. Those sideburns have to go, damn he/she must have some screwed up mirrors to think they look good, but to each their own I suppose.

  7. I guess shes got her fathers face

  8. Hilarious! And true... Don't you hate when your phone isn't prepared for moments like this?

  9. I always wonder how people get all those phone pictures without getting caught. I'm convinced that most of em are taken by people who just don't care if they get caught.

  10. I saw a full blown transvestite at the mall the other day. 6'3". Holding a purse. But in these PC days I guess it would be wrong of me to say that he looked ridiculous.

  11. I remember pat...i have seen him/her with chris.

  12. So, a hairy girl or a guy who wears lipstick? Hmm...

  13. Last night, Mrs. Penwasser and I went to a fancy-schmancy Mexican restaurant (okay, Taco Bell). We experienced pretty much the same thing you did (without the sideburns) when we placed our order. Our order-taker (I know there has to be a fancier name) was a petite person with two earrings and what looked like plucked eyebrows. Okay, girl. But, then I saw a wisp of black hair on her upper lip. That, combined with a shaved back of the head (from what I could see-it had a cap) made me think "dude." But, his/its face looked too girlish. I did the old trustworthy "boob check." Not gifted, if you know what I mean. Dangit, that didn't help! I didn't want to stare, because that would be just plain ass creepy. Then, I thought (especially since we WEREN'T in a fancy joint), there would be a nametag. Sure enough, there was: "Morgan." THAT didn't help, either. Finally, I decided that Morgan had the delicate features of a girl. So, she was female.
    Or I was gay.
    Shoulda gone to Wendys.

  14. Some guys wear lipstick. just sayin'.
    My mom and I met a shemale at McDonald's one day. She/he worked there. Mom was trying to get his/her attention and said "Ma''am?
    he/she turned around but never clarified the gender for us. lol

  15. There's actually a TV program I come across now and again when flipping channels. I think it's a financial show, but might be real estate or something else. I'm still trying to figure out if the host is male or female LOL.

  16. I feel badly for these people lol... I play this game too, but it can't be easy being them.