WHOO HOO it's Wacky Wednesday time again folks, and today I've got a wacky story for ya outta Texas. When I read this story I couldn't help but start singin' AC/DC's classic song "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap", 'cause this lady caused about $6,000 worth of damage carryin' out a prank, but bought all of her supplies at Walmart. DANG, I'm all about a thrifty shopper, and I got me some folks in mind that deserve to be pranked, so maybe this gal is for hire and I can get my dirty deeds done dirt cheap over here in North Cackalacky. This chick sure knows how to get the most bang outta her buck fo' sho!!
So there's 41 year old Tara Mauney from Colleyville, Texas who has been charged with felony criminal mischief in her role in helping a group of middle schoolers vandalize a neighbor's home using raw chicken, toilet paper and tampons. Police were called to the home of Jodie Rishel and found the entire house covered in toilet paper, two raw chicken halves stuffed into a mailbox, a toilet placed in the driveway, tampons and sanitary napkins soaked in ketchup stuck on the windows, peanut butter smeared on pillars, and the words "sluts", "suck it" and "whore house" written in black sharpie on the home's walls. Ya see how much little Miss Prankster did with so little?
Apparently Ms. Rishel was hosting a sleepover for her 12 year old daughter and some friends, when about 2am, they saw a group of people, including Ms. Mauney running away from the Rishel home. Now believe it or not, security footage from a local Walmart shows the Texas beauty entering the store earlier that evening with a group of 5 middle school age girls and 3 middle school age boys and she purchased three 36 packs of toilet paper and posed for a photo inside the store with the 8 kids.
Girl, first of all, you too high class lookin' to shop at Walmart. You stand out like a sore thumb. Ya gotta blend in with the other Walmartians by redneckanizin' a bit, wearin' your pajama bottoms, proudly displayin' your new ink on some exposed body part, and motorin' through the store on your Hoveround. Second, whatcha thinkin' goin' in that store without a good disguise? Security cameras are everywhere and ya gotta stay on the down low. It's Walmart for Gawd's sake. You could dress up in one of Lady Gaga's costumes and no one would think it was odd. And damn bitch, NEVAH be posin' for pictures with your partners in crime the same night ya make the hit. That looks real bad in court!!! Next, we gotta get you in shape girl so you can at least run faster than your victims. Tara, ya got potential and ya got mad skillz, but we gotta work on your game before you can come East and start doin' some of my dirty deeds.
Now, one last tip for ya, on your next crime spree, ya might wanna tuck that big Texas hair under a cap or somethin' to avoid bein' recognized. I imagine the hair color says "natural" on the bottle, but your up do may actually glow in the dark honey. Good news is I hear bleach can wipe away fingerprints. Oh and hey, are those Walmart readers? Pretty cool pick up if so.
A big thanks to my friend Jane who sent me this story and thought it was blog worthy.