The way my house is layed out, you have to pass by the front door to get to the master bedroom. Since I was clad only in a thong, I had to crouch down below the front door, which has glass windows all around it, so whoever was there would not see my state of undress. I quickly put on a robe and answered the door. There stood a dude in shorts, a t-shirt, and holding a clipboard. Mind you, the disco music (YES, I SAID DISCO) is blarin' in the background. He said, "Hi, I'm the landscape specialist Beth recommended". Since I know quite a few ladies named Beth, the only thing my warped, drunken mind is thinkin' is that this guy is a stripper here to entertain me 'cause my rockin' girlfriends know this is MY day baby and they are makin' it even more special. Seriously, who in the hell has ever heard of a "landscape specialist"????
So I start clappin' and dancin' like a freakin' idiot and say shit like: "Oh yeah Mr. Landscape Specialist, bring it on"; "Go for it baby"; "My girl Beth is awesome"!!!! Sadly, he just stands there with a blank stare and says "I'm here to fix the broken sprinkler head. Maybe I should come back another day". Holy shit, talk about a killjoy. This guy was legit. I started laughing so hard and told him that it had been a LOOOONNNNG summer and that it was the first day my kids were back in school and I was havin' a little bit of fun. He replied, "I can see that Ma'am".
Not one to be deterred, I poured myself another glass of bubbly, raised my glass to the ceiling and toasted out loud, "To the landscape specialist, may your sprinkler head always rise to the occasion and NEVAH, EVAH be broken". I wonder how many times that poor fella has told the story of the drunken chick in the white terry cloth robe he called upon that fine day????
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