Monday, August 13, 2012

A Low Blow

Folks, I have AMAZING news for BOTH men and women. Somethin' y'all can definitely debate over cocktails. A cutting edge researcher, who of course happens to be a man, discovered a cure for morning sickness. Forget those bland foods like ginger tea, saltines, popsicles and chicken soup that women have tried for generations. Nope, throw those concoctions out the window, 'cause according to Gordon Gallup, a psychologist at SUNY-Albany, the best way to cure morning sickness during pregnancy is sperm. But not just any sperm, it should be the sperm of the person who got you pregnant. Oh yea, and did I forget to mention, that the preferred method of receiving this sperm is through oral sex? OF COURSE PEOPLE!!!!! BLOW JOBS CURE MORNING SICKNESS!!!!!!! How could we all have been so damn stupid all of these years?????

This may be a tough nut to crack, but I've cum to the conclusion that the results of this cockamamie study are just hard to swallow. It really is a mouthful, and many people just don't give a lick about scientific studies. Every Tom, Dick and Harry will probably have a stroke when they read it. Others will have a ball when they hear about it, or they may just blow it off as junk science.

Mr. Gallup's cock and bull theory is that morning sickness is caused by the unfamiliar semen in the woman's body during pregnancy. The woman's body will initially reject the father's semen as an infection by vomiting. So, the best way to build up a tolerance to this demon seed is to ingest more of it through oral sex, kinda like a vaccine. Yes ladies, you not only have the joy of carrying around a basketball in your belly, gaining weight, retaining massive amounts of fluid, and then pushing a 7-10 pound baby outta a hole the size of a lemon, but now, you also have the distinct pleasure of swallowing your baby daddy's sperm during your pregnancy to ward off the dreaded puking. WHOO WEE, let's hear it for Mr. Gallup, a true visionary indeed.

Guys, I realize havin' your dome chromed more frequently is just one more "fatherly responsibility" you might have to endure, but you are just gonna have to suck it up. Seriously dudes, it might really suck for 9 months but try to stick it out. When things get really hard, just try to blow off some steam. I trust you can do it!!!

The great news is that fellatio will no longer be regarded as just foreplay, or some nasty deed porn stars perform before "the money shot". Oh no folks, BJ's will now be seen as having a real basis in scientific research, heck, even a proven medicinal remedy. So guys and gals everywhere, start gobblin' the knob!!! And for GAWD's sake- SWALLOW, 'cause it's a proven fact that it's good fer what ails ya!!!

Story: Here
Image via Google Images

Thank you so much to my friend Kristen who sent me this article and just KNEW it was blog material. Was she EVAH right!!!!

30 comments:

  1. I just about busted a nut reading this. Thought I could find a missing pun, but I just can't. Now if this research had come out mid-winter, I could go with some Spunksatawney Fill. You know they actually take that rodent to a place called Gobblers Knob to see shadows? You can't make that up.

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  2. I have found that most women, don't mind swallowing, at all. In fact if they do, they most likely won't end up with a BUTTerBALL in their belly. Not fool proof of course but it will cut down on the chances of it.

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  3. See I always knew the Blowjob was a good way to prevent morning sickness but hearing it's a cure is shocking.

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  4. Damn!!!! I received the unkindest cut of all several years ago so, unless there's an Immaculate Conception in the works, I won't be able to play doctor with Mrs. Penwasser.
    At first, given the title, I thought this post was going to be about fellatio from a midget.
    Oh, that's politically incorrect.
    I meant "knob jobs."

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  5. LOL I guess I'll hold that one in reserve for when needed.

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  6. And if that doesn't work she can puke on his nuts, just sayin!

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  7. My husband just told me about this... hahah nice try buddy :)

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  8. I swear I get an equal kick out of the comments that are here, too. Ok - truth be told.... it doesn't work!!!!!!!

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  9. wonder if it works on any morning sickness or just the pregnancy one? :)
    I do love creative researches like this one :)
    Hope men won't have to drink ladies' juices for some other illness, like beer hangover :)

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  10. I think blowjobs are the cure for most problems women have.

    Loved this - you really did nail just about every pun and some. That second paragraph in particular was outstanding.

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  11. I think I will take the morning sickness. LMAO

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  12. Too bad for my dear husband we are done having kids.

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  13. I saw this study and believed every word of it. If you don't like giving head, you could ask your husband to jerk off and putt his jizz in your coffee.

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  14. I guess this story was made for ver gullible women. There was a lady suing a man becuase he convinced her that her vaginal medicine was better inserted with his special tool. Is there really people that stupid or guys hopeful enough to ask?

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  15. Omg, I almost just spit my coffee out onto the computer. LMAO Well, now that I know, when the time comes I'll make sure to do this. hahahaha Geniuses!

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  16. hi Deb!
    Morning and all!
    bit confused as to why that link post doesn't show up. Is it cuz you already posted it a couple o weeks ago?

    Thanks for joining! That is an awesome feeling.
    Have a fabulous day, k?

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  17. Evree blow I gets is a LOW blow.....

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  18. Okay, that is the most ridiculous load of clap-trap I've ever heard in my life! Geez, if he wants a blow job he should just man up and ask for one!

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  19. Oh my gosh! Girl you are crazy funny. But this guy is plain stupid for this intelligent conclusion of his:

    "Mr. Gallup's cock and bull theory is that morning sickness is caused by the unfamiliar semen in the woman's body during pregnancy."

    Everyone knows all semen dies after 5 days. And morning sickness doesn't start until several weeks into pregnancy.



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  20. Oh My God. Hilar. My husband will never be privy to this information. It could really kill the next pregnancy for me.

    Visiting you back from Kelly's Break Room!!!

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