Monday, July 23, 2012

The Vegemite Experiment

A few weeks ago, the lovely Kellie at Delightfully Ludicrous held a contest on her blog where she was giving away some Vegemite to a few of her lucky readers. If you were chosen, you were supposed to record your tasting of this Australian staple in some way by photo, video etc. I was always intrigued by that famous line from that Men at Work song, "she just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich", so I thought, what the hell, I'm gonna enter. Can you believe it, I was one of the lucky ones who was chosen for the experiment? I was SO excited when the package arrived all the way from the land down under!!!!

Now let me preface this post by saying that I sure ain't a picky eater. I grew up in Pennsylvania Dutch country with the likes of hog maw and tripe (yea, google that). Then I married a West Virginia redneck and he cooks rabbit and squirrel, and has even been known to curry up some goat. I've also been to many fine establishments and I love me some escargot and foie gras. But lemme tell ya, nuthin', and I mean nuthin', prepared my taste buds for the stuff in that yellow tube. WHOO WEE!!!!! As you can see, it comes out like a brown paste and tastes extremely salty. But not just salty like anchovies, more like take your breath away obnoxious, stay in your mouth foul, like somethin' crawled up and died. Seriously, those Aussies must have some tough stomach linings!!! Given its name, you would think this Australian delight would be chocked full of veggies, but the only real ingredients are yeast extract, salt and mineral salt. MMMMMMM MMMMMMM GOOD!!!!

Here is a picture of my son Conner getting ready to put that cracker topped with Vegemite into his mouth. Sorry I didn't get a follow-up photo when he was gagging and spitting it out into the sink, but I was laughing so hard I couldn't hold the camera straight.

Now since our family didn't enjoy the taste of Vegemite so much, and since Kellie was awfully kind to send us this gift all the way from Australia, we thought of some other creative uses for this delicacy. Since the consistency is really quite sticky, we used it to repair some holes in our driveway.

It also makes great bondo for your car.

Then we thought why just use regular run of the mill spackling to repair that hole in the playroom wall when we have this amazing goo from across the globe that will do the trick just as nicely. We feel so worldly now.

Since this yummy treat came in a tube, Uncle Jeffy thought maybe I should try it as toothpaste. I was skeptical.

Yep, shoulda gone with my gut on that one 'cause the skanky smell that Vegemite leaves behind is the gift that keeps on givin'.

But not one to be outdone, I told Uncle Jeffy to give me his best angry face so I could see all of his wrinkles.

Voila, the Vegemite facial mask, guaranteed to make you look years younger in a single application. That gooey, salty mess just smoothed those lines and wrinkles right off Uncle Jeffy's face.

Thank you so much Kellie for allowing me to take part in your Vegemite experiment. My family had an absolute blast!!!!  As the words on the back of the tube state, we have been warned and can attest to the fact that Vegemite does indeed cause spontaneous outbreaks of "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi! Oi! Oi!"

27 comments:

  1. Oh my wordy lordy! A Vegemite face mask! I've NEVER seen it used that way before!

    Thank you for your highly informative and amusing results, my dear!

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  2. What a great way to start the day -- rolling on the floor laughing! I shared it with my son Troy and he did the same. I have ALWAYS wondered just what Vegemite was and what lovely vegetables made up that paste. Now I know, but even more importantly, I know all of the best uses for it! I have some wrinkles that need some work, so I'll be stopping by to get some unless you've always used it all up!

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  3. So Vegemite is brown? I always thought it was some super secret sandwich ingredient (not a condiment) from Australia, guess I was a bit off.

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  4. Did it seal up your assholes?

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  5. I've no idea what vegimite is, we don't have it here in Europe, but it sounds like something me would like since me is a vegetarian :)
    PS love the green colour of your living room and I don't know who is cuter you or your son :)

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  6. You know, I always hear the same thing, that it's really not that good, but simply because we don't have it here, I still would like to try it. Also, I have a few dots of acne and I'm pretty sure this would kill it on the spot. Multi-purpose is the only way to go!

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  7. Way to be inventive with the vegemite! lol

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  8. Pfft I think after those results I will forever avoid vegemite.

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  9. I thought the driveway crack filling was especially genious, but as I'm aging and always on the lookout for new beauty products, I'm curious as to the long term results of the veggie mask. Maybe you can start your own skin care line! Thanks for the Monday morning laughs!

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  10. LOL! loved this entire post. full of LOL moments! I've tasted that nasty crap. So glad that she didn't pick me. I am glad you had a great sense of humor about it!

    Thank you for your nice compliment about my fam! and... that you admit to taking a nap. As in a grand Australian phrase: "Good on ya, mate".

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  11. This sounds like the same thing as Marmite! Those cheeky Aussies have stolen it from the Poms and given it their own name!

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    1. Whoaaaa. How can you even think to compare vegemite with marmite. Marmite is nasty, nasty, nasty. As an Aussie, I loooove my vegemite, but even I wouldn't eat it like it was on those biscuits. Vegemite is a delicacy, spread it carefully and sparingly on a piece of buttered bread and taste the difference.

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  12. Something about the fact that it's in a tube is a little off-putting, as if your review didn't make it off-putting enough :)

    But I still want to try it!

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  13. Pennsylvania Dutch? Ya like Scrapple? How 'bout some Scrapple?
    I don't think I'll try any Vegemite-thanks for the warning. I've had haggis, though, and didn't think it was too bad. Of course, I was drinking a lot of Scotch.
    Not for nothin'....AN ENTIRE SANDWICH MADE OF THAT STUFF!?
    I'd rather have Scrapple.

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  14. Kind of reminds me of the time I was convinced to try a Dutch candy. It looked like it was going to taste like licorice or molasses. Nope - it tasted like salt.

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  15. hahahaha this is fantastic. I loved the toothpaste picture.lol

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  16. Hilarious.

    I personally think for a non-Aussie you put too much on the cracker. Beginners should aim for more butter than Vegemite to start with.

    I have never seen in all my 27 Aussie years of a Vegemite face mask. Too funny.

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    1. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi.

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  17. hahahahaha, that's awesome!!! I'm tempting just to try it now, lol. Love the post!!!

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  18. This one was beyond laugh out loud funny! In fact, I just forwarded it to a few of my vegetarian friends. LMAO What a creative use of such a useless product. lol

    P.S. From the facial mask, when used sparingly it might make a good sunless tanner!! hahahaha

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  19. You and your whole family, including Uncle Jeffy totally rock! This was so freaking hilarious!

    I may have to use it as a wrinkle remover. I got one...or two.

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  20. Hilarious, facial mask, toothpaste, bondo, vegemite! What a way to end my evening, rolling on the floor laughing.

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  21. I've often wondered if the Men at Work song was really just a publicity stunt to make the rest of the world learn about vegemite. I remember the first time someone explained what it was. They told me it was scraped off the inside of beer barrels. I never expected it to be GREEN. And I think the fact that it comes in a tube is the worst part of the entire thing. At least if it was in a jar or a squeezable bottle, it would be OK, but squeezing it from a tube like toothpaste or glue is just so many layers of wrong, wrong, wrong!!

    And I had to laugh about the tripe because my ancient aunt used to say someone's face looked like tripe!

    Found you at finding the funny.

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  22. oh my gosh..this is a really funny post!! and the pictures are fabulous!
    one of my best friends spent 6 wks in Australia and gave me vegemite as a present...hahaha tastes like a giant bullion cube!!
    i am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

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  23. I am a native Southern Californian, I actually tried Vegemite today, and I like it. It does not taste nearly as bad as everyone claims, if prepared properly. I on the other hand have tried liver, and it is absolutely the worst thing on earth. I would not give Haggis, a second thought, I would just bury it in someone elses back yard, in the land of far, far away.

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    1. I'm glad that I could give you the guidance you needed to make your first Vegemite experience orgasmic.....lol. Come on BuLLeTZ, why didn't you tell them all that you actually love the stuff.

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