Monday, July 9, 2012

OH NO, it's a SPEEDO!!

Some things really ought to be illegal. I mean when you can't even drive down the street in your very own neighborhood without throwing up your breakfast there needs to be some changes in the law. On Saturday morning, Ry Guy and I are in my car, mindin' our own business, when along comes an old dude walking his dog clad only in a red Speedo. I was so shocked and too busy shielding my child from trauma that I couldn't get a real picture for ya folks. Trust me though, he looked like the guy in the photo above except with a much hairier chest.

Ry Guy looked at me in horror and said, "WHOA, that dude is older than Grandpa, but with a bigger belly". Bein' the good Momma that I am, I told him to close his eyes as I pressed down on the gas pedal to get that walking Speedo outta our line of vision. I'm pretty sure my 12 year old is scarred for life. Funny thing is, a few days before this incident we were at a mall in the capital city of North Cackalacky where we saw 2 transvestites. I asked Ry Guy which one was scarier- the old guy in the Speedo or the 2 transvestites? He said, "Definitely the old dude 'cause no one should be allowed to wear that in public". Yeppers, straight outta the mouths of babes folks, and I gotta agree with my boy. Seriously, aren't there laws to protect innocent people from such offensive sites? I really think we were the victims of some sort of emotional distress at the very least. Maybe Speedos should just be outlawed period, 'cause it's a rare thing indeed for any male to look good sportin' one of those budgie smugglers!!!

Now if the dog walker woulda looked like this, I mighta made an exception to that rule and asked him to take a dip in my cement pond. But since I wasn't that lucky, next time I see an old, hairy dude wearin' a banana hammock I'm callin' 911 for my own mental health and safety and for the well being of the community at large!!!!

Images via Google Images

19 comments:

  1. A buddy of mine came to the pool in that same get up as Daniel Craig and he was pretty much built like that but he got majorly pissed when I told him in front of all the ladies that it looked like a chipmunk having a seizure in a skittles bag.

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  2. I think it's just a proven fact that no one who has the body to wear a speedo ever walks around in a speedo. I wonder what goes through an obese man's mind when he shoehorns himself into one of those things, and somehow thinks, "Yeah, this is a GREAT idea."

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  3. Just be grateful the old dude didn't moon you. You might have seen a replica of the Apollo 11 landing site.

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  4. ok, all of the above comments are hilarious!

    Deb, this character that thought he was OK to be out and about in a speedo and then burning you and you son's eyes, well - He probably, deep down in his soul, thought he looked liked Daniel Craig in his own mind, fo sho! You know, that Delusions of Grandeur thing.

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  5. LMAO I totally agree!!!!!! Certain people should be rocking speedos!! Actually, scratch that, 99.9% of the population needs to put the speedos down!! Better yet, stores shouldn't even sell speedos just to rid the world of potential disasters such as this.

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  6. People should really have to have a license to wear speedos. Because to have your retinas scarred in such a fashion, especially a child's, is just wrong on so many levels.

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  7. AGREED. I avert my eyes at times, at the pool. Haahaa. Old Guy thinks he looks like #2 guy w/ muscle..hahahahahaha

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  8. The speedo is just a crime against nature, fashion and the sensibilities of all good people everywhere!

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  9. Oh we spotted on at the lake a few weeks back, gawd. It was awful, shall I share his glory with you on the book of face?! heh heh!

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  10. hey, you ok? missed you today! '(

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  11. Cracking up. Funny thing, we were just talking about stuff like this. We went to the splash pad this past weekend and there was a very large lady wearing a bathing suit 5x to small for her and it was not pleasant. Love your blog! I like blogs that keep it real. Following your blog.

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  12. Speedos give me hives. It is a rare occasion when a man acually looks good in one!

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  13. Funny how a couple of posts back you have Magic Mike and now you have scary speedo! Yikes! Thanks for stopping by Sunny Bug. I think you and I have a similar sense of humor...now I'm headed back to re-read your Magic Mike post. Cheers! Liz

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  14. You are so right about this. We have an old guy who lives near some close friends and he thinks a speedo ia appropriate attire for yard work!

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  15. Lol.. You should see some of the things I see here in summer... People come on holiday and lose all thought of modesty.. If they ever had any..

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  16. That would be a perfect platform to get someone elected...outlaw speedos! Maybe add on super short shorts, and baggy pants that show the guy's underwear.

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