Friday, July 13, 2012

A Hot, Sweaty Mess

For many years I have had this theory about sweating, and today I thought I would ask you, dear blogging community, your opinion. Help me test my theory folks since you dedicated readers come from all across the globe. So here's the thing. I'm a SERIOUS sweater. Always have been. I'm not talkin' about just when I work out, 'cause that's a whole different kind of sweat. I'm talkin' about sweatin' from this massive heat wave we are experiencing right now. When I sweat, it is noticeable. Pit sweat, sweat down my back, sweat runnin' down the backs of my knees, and sometimes if I'm real lucky, it looks like I peed my pants. Yea, that's right, even crotch sweat!!!! I can go through two outfits a day in this hideously humid North Cackalacky climate, and that's before noon.

 Now my theory is basically directed at women, but I've noticed this about men too. First of all, if men sweat, no one really thinks it's that gross. But when a woman sweats, it's like you are a leper or somethin'!!!! So my theory is that women (or men) who were born North of the Mason Dixon line (like me), or in any colder climate, just can't handle the heat so they visibly sweat more. Women (or men) who were born below the Mason Dixon line have a greater capacity to cool themselves 'cause they were born into the heat and don't visibly sweat as much.

Since I was born in Pa, lived in WV and Ohio, and then moved south, my body can't handle this blasted heat and humidity, so I sweat like a whore in church. My born and bred southern friends barely perspire. I have noticed this for years. We will be outside in 98 degree weather, my makeup will be running down my face, I look like I stepped into the shower fully clothed, but all the southern ladies will look fresh as a cucumber. Where is the justice????

Last year we went to an Ohio State football game and it was hot as hell. I looked like this chick in the photo, totally soaked with sweat. I was completely embarrassed until I looked around and mostly all the other women were drenched with sweat too. Uh Huh, you see those Ohio gals ain't used to that heat so they looked just like me. Heck a few even had crotch sweat goin' on, and I wanted to high five my sista friends and tell them I wish I had a pair of Depends undergarments right about now to soak up the moisture!!!! But those refined southern belles can sit all day long in the blazin' sun, sippin' their sweet tea, and not a bead of perspiration is gonna appear on their upper lip. I always say, at least I'm gettin' my toxins out, 'cause LAWD knows I put enough in this body of mine!!!

So tell me folks, am I just a freak of nature, or does my theory have some real basis in fact?


  1. I have seen some southern ladies look like the picture you posted. it's not the heat that makes you sweat it's the humidity

  2. Do you know why humans, of all the apes, lost their body hair? So they could sweat more easily. Sweating is the natural cooling mechanism of homo sapiens. Those southern ladies who don't sweat must be taking something.

  3. I too sweat TONZ!...and a humid climate would be the death of me. Art Linkletter (remember him?) used to say, "Women don't sweat! Horse sweat, Men perspire and Women GLOW". Ya, I Glow ALRIGHT!!!!

  4. I'm iffy...born in WV but below the Mason-Dixon Line...I HATE heat and Summer but don't sweat a ridiculous amount. My theory for me is that I have become more used to the heat since I left WV for Charlotte (10 years) and then further south for the past 12. I think my body finally gave in... but I AM the one who won't wear a coat unless it dips into the teens!

  5. Well I'm a California girl and we don't sweat! Where I live in Northern California it gets to the 100's in the summer all the time. But with a 7% humidity, you just don't sweat.

    HOWEVER, one does become a nose picker! The dryness of the air, just dries everything out - your skin and those nose secretions that make "boogers."

    So I guess each area has their own problems! I think I'd take nose picking over sweating any day! :-)

    Stay Cool man!

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  6. I think sweating is fine...its when the BO comes in then we have an issue :) I use the probably full of cancer prescription strength deodorant...and LOVE IT no sweat and no's heaven in my pitts

  7. I don't know how Morning Cup of Coffee doesn't sweat! lol (Although I'm with her on the whole dry air and boogers thing) I'm a NorCal girl as well, always have been, but man, I sweat like there's no tomorrow. I'm like my dad, I just start sweating. My mom reaches a point where she stops sweating and that's where we worry about heat stroke, because she's come close. But for me, I've been taking cold showers, sometimes two in a day because I can smell me. lol

  8. Maryland girl here, just south of the Mason-Dixon, and I sweat. I blame it on my deodorant, constantly switching brands. Really, it's just me. I'm a sweater too.