Ok folks, everybody has a weakness. Mine happens to be Christmas decorations, in particular, big, fat Santas of all kinds. Stuffed Santas, wooden Santas, and mechanical Santas that sing and dance get my heart beatin' and my palms sweatin' like nobody's business. All of my friends know that I may go a tad Griswoldish at Christmas time with my decor. Yes, I'm the queen of tacky when it comes to decorating the inside of my house. I have a 5 foot singing Santa, a disco Santa, a rock and roll Santa, and the list goes on and on. However, Uncle Jeffy draws the line on outdoor decorations, basically because he's too damn lazy to set them up, but he tells me it's in an effort to maintain a bit of dignity in the neighborhood since the inside of our house is full of what he describes as "Christmas Crap".
So, on Saturday my friend Grayson sent me the following ad that she saw on Craig's list:
free santa (wilm)
Date: 2012-07-28, 1:50PM EDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]
Curb alert. Free life sized Santa, his sheigh, and reindeer. They are made out of heavy plywood and painted. THEY TRULY ARE LIFE SIZED. do't call or email, or knock on the door. I will remove this when they are gone. they are laying on the grass at 126 south 16th st. hurry before it rains.....
- Location: wilm
Gotta love those typos in that ad huh? I thought about the possibilities for this amazing windfall about 2 minutes, told my kids we were going on an adventure, hopped in my son's pick-up truck and we were on our way. As we raced across town, I kept hopin' that we would make it in time before anyone else picked up this free deal. My 16 year old son Conner had a theory that the wife was probably out of town and the husband wrote that ad hoping to get rid of her Christmas junk before she came back in town. We laughed our asses off at that theory, but he may not have been too far off the mark givin' what this shit looked like. Now the address was in a bit of a sketchy neighborhood and the kids were scared to get outta the truck. But, I was so damn excited when I saw that big ol' jolly Saint Nick and his reindeer laying on the grass I could hardly contain myself. I begged and pleaded and my kids indulged me. People were honkin' their horns at us as they drove by 'cause it was quite a sight!!!
Reindeer as we found them. Ya like how I didn't give Ry Guy time to put on his shoes before we left?
Me and Dasher. His horns broke off immediately after the photo.
I have to admit that the "heavy painted plywood" was not exactly what I was expected, but hey, it was FREE and it was an experience my kids can tell their grandkids. "Uh yea, remember the time crazy Mom made us get in the car and drive to the ghetto to load up that totally janky outdoor Christmas stuff"? Memories folks, memories!!!! First I should mention that it's about 97 degrees outside and this stuff is covered in dirt and spider webs. The boys and I load it into the pick up truck and it is hangin' outta the back so we secure it with rope. The entire drive home, I'm tellin' Conner to be careful around the turns and the bumps 'cause I don't want anything to fall out. He looks over at me ever so seriously and says, "Mom, I don't think that is going to be any big loss". Some people clearly have no appreciation for Santas!!!!
When we get home, we set up the entire display and Uncle Jeffy is less than pleased to say the least. He thinks this shit is riddled with termites that are going to infest our house. Plus, he says we can NEVAH adorn our yard with this tacky wooden crap, as someone may even complain to the homeowner's association. But, I'm not convinced. I think people are really gonna dig my Craig's List find and get a helluva kick outta our Christmas in July celebration. Egg nog anyone??????