Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

It's Wacky Wednesday again folks and today I'm singin' that old song from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood (yes I'm dating myself I know): "It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine, could you be mine...... won't you please, won't you please, please won't you be my neighbor?"

I was inspired to sing this particular song after hearing so many friends talk about this wacky story on The Today Show about 49 year old Lori Christensen who has harassed her neighbors Kim and Greg Hoffman for several years. Click on the site for an entertaining video, and believe me, after watching, you ain't gonna want this weirdo as your neighbor!  She shouts obscenities at The Hoffmans and their daughters, does crazy gestures, mocks drinking alcohol because Mrs. Hoffman is a recovering alcoholic, and she makes huge ass signs for her garage such as "I saw mommy kissing a breathalyzer". Check out some of her handiwork:
Who does that shizz???? Obviously a certifiably, card carrying nutcase with WAY too much time on her hands. The Hoffmans became virtual prisoners in their own backyard in order to avoid Ms. Loony Tunes, who is their neighbor directly across from their front yard.
There's a mugshot of the neighbor from hell, who says she had a psychological exam but was told that if she was a man, she would not be facing criminal charges. She claims that because she is a single female with a good job, and the biggest house in the neighborhood, that is why she is going to jail for her antics. Whoo Wee, can you say delusional???? One look/see at that video clip and I say either she needs a respite in the loony bin, or her shrink is a freakin' quack 'cause this chick is clearly off her rocker.

Now Mr. Rogers would have just put on his sweater and Keds and taken Ms. Christensen a nice homebaked goodie over to her house. They would have had a chat about The Golden Rule of treating others how you would like them to treat you, and probably would have ended with a hug. They may have even broke into song harmonizing beautifully over "Please won't you be my neighbor".

But who really does that in the real world??? The Hoffmans served Ms. Christensen with numerous restraining orders, which she has violated, she has pleaded guilty to a couple of counts, and has even served time in jail over her bizarre behavior. Clearly she has not learned her lesson. It's time for a serious smack down folks!!! So Hoffmans if you really want results, ya gotta go redneck on this bitch and open up a can of whoop ass on her. I ain't never seen that remedy fail in my ripe ol' age. So, give me a holler, 'cause I got some down and dirty tricks for ya that will make that chick run for cover like nobody's business. I learned from the best redneck around who grew up in the heart of Hatfield country, and those McCoys still keep their distance.

And if all else fails, I hear Tonya Harding is for hire. I'm sure she can still find some lackeys who would love to bash the ol' club around. I love ya Mr. Rogers, (God rest your soul), but sometimes ya gotta keep it real!

Pictures: Here  


  1. Just toss a poisoned hot dog over the fence for her.

  2. Wow, and I thought my new neighbors dog was a nuisance, I guess I should consider myself lucky it's not this chick living across from me!

  3. Loved this! This woman is a terror. I can be a child so is probably start doing it back.

  4. And this is why Fred Rogers was also a black belt in Karate.

  5. Mr Rogers. I haven't seen that one since I was a kid. In other news, maybe she's a ZOMBIE! it's the beginning on the apocalypse ya know?

  6. From now on, I'm going to stop worrying about being the worst neighbor ever. Or even being the neighbor with the worst teenagers ever. 'Cause I've got to say I'm nowhere near that bad, and the worst thing my teens have ever done is maybe shrink wrapped a vehicle.

  7. Holy crap, and I thought we had a bad neighbour! This stupid spanish woman who complains about every little fucking thing. But yours seems to be a lot worse!

    Maybe its time to move to a small, secluded town in the middle of nowhere...

  8. Omg, seriously? Who does that?!?!?! The woman needs a life, or a man. Sigh...