Redneck Summer Survival Guide

So summer is in full force, the rugrats kids are drivin' you up the wall, and you can't wait for school to start again are lookin' for ways to keep them entertained while maintaining your sanity. Have no fear folks, 'cause I'm here to give you my top 10 redneck summer survival tips. Incorporate a few of these gems into your daily grind, and I guarantee you will be floating around in your favorite intertube quite swimmingly.

1. The #1 most important tip, is to keep a fully stocked liquor cabinet (for you, not the kiddie poos). Be sure to always have on hand your favorite libations, for those unique times when your chirren decide to color the walls with permanent markers, or when they beat the shit outta each other because one of them wants to play Halo and the other wants to play Call of Duty. A shot of Momma's little helper goes a LONG way!!!!

2.  Invest in a quality pair of earplugs for the days when the entire neighborhood posse decides to turn your humble abode into the demolition derby.

3.  Sign up your pride and joys for as many summer camps as your wallet will allow. NEVAH feel the guilt about sleep away camp. You simply can't put a price on your sanity, and those camp counselors actually signed up for that gig.

4.  Restock the beer, wine and liquor.

5.  Since most of us can't afford to vacation for a month or two in the south of France while nannies tend to our precious darlings, find your escape in erotic novels. Believe me, your partner will thank you for it!!!!

6.  On rainy days, get down on your knees and pray for bedtime 'cause LAWD knows it can't come soon enough!!!!

7.  When boredom strikes and the whining starts, offer them "academic enrichment activities". You would be AMAZED how quickly those little whippersnappers can find something to do.

8.  A trip to the dollar store is worth its weight in gold!!!!

9.  If you don't already have a therapist, now is the time folks to start layin' on that couch and spillin' the beans!!!! What better way to survive the dog days of summer than to be mentally healthy!!!

10. Oh, did I mention alcoholic beverages???????????

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