Monday, June 4, 2012

A New Age BFF

Over the weekend, I got together with a couple of girlfriends for a little wine and dine at a local establishment. My friend Melanie pulled out her latest high tech gadget that promises your wish is its command. Now I have never been a gadget kinda gal. I have a crackberry, on which I only use the email and texting features.  I still can't even figure out how to surf the web on my phone, nor do I care. But this IPhone 4S, sure is somethin' special!!!!

Its got this built in computer thingy called Siri who can be your new BFF. The website touts all sorts of features that Siri can do such as: "It understands what you say; it knows what you mean; it helps you do the things you do every day; and it has so much to tell you". Well, lemme tell ya folks, after a couple bottles of wine we decided to put Siri to the test.

Melanie asked Siri for directions, and just like some turban headed New York City cab driver, Siri delivered spot on directions to her choice destination. Our friend Julie asked a routine recipe question and Siri turned all Martha Stewart on us. Pretty cool I must say. But then we decided to have some real fun and see if Siri could hang with the big girls. Our first question was, "Siri, do you like to give blowjobs"? Answer, "Siri does not like to talk about myself". What kind of BFF is that who only likes to give information, but not willing to share any about itself???? Talk about a selfish bitch!!!!!!

Next question, "How do you perform cunnilingus"? Answer, "Siri does not know that word but will try to locate it for you Melanie". HHHHMMMMM, I suppose Siri needs to go back and take basic sex ed 'cause that is somethin' I would DEFINITELY want my fancy schmancy pocket gadget to know fo' sho!!!! Seriously, the thing talks to you, plays music, and even vibrates, but can't perform oral sex and give a gal her happy ending?????? What a damn tease!!!! Geez, my $29.99 old fashioned gizmo that I keep in my bedside table might not have all the bells and whistles of this swanky phone but at least it gets the job done.

Last question, "What is your favorite sexual position"? Answer, "Siri does not understand the question".  No matter how many times we asked this question, we got the same response. I have a sneaky suspicion that Siri was just trying to avoid the question because it was too embarrassed to talk about sex. Now I don't know about you folks, but anybody who can't talk about sex, just ain't no friend of mine!!!! So bottom line is Siri sure knows lots of cool stuff, but when it comes time to get down and dirty, Siri is a damn prude!

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

Image: Here 

32 comments:

  1. Sure, Siri's a cool little gadget, but my bluetooth already makes me look crazy for talking to myself. Now I'm going to be sitting there having an actual conversation with my phone? No thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have the 4. I need some Siri in my life. Mainly to remind me of things. "Siri, remind me to get more liquor"; "Sirir, remind me not to kill my cat".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Siri can remind you to stop at the Beer Store on the way home? Because as long she can do that, I'll have a happy man willing to keep me happy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That poor innocent phone. LOL My boss has a phone similar to that, and now when he starts speaking commands to it, I'm never going to see that in the same way. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. Did you see the Big Bang Theory episode where Raj was in love with Siri. It was quite hilarious, cuz he can't speak to women unless he has had some alcohol in him first. But he could talk to Siri just fine. Ya, what's up with her not knowing the finer things in life?

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL Really? That's what she said? My friend proposed to his, but Siri responded that it would be a breach of contract. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  7. Awwh Siri is a virgin and very bashful

    ReplyDelete
  8. Siri never kisses (or never blows a kiss) and tells. I know I could be doing a lot more with my phone than I do --

    ReplyDelete
  9. Turn Siri on vibrate - she'll let you know what she's all about.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So, exactly how many bottles of wine did you have?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahhahah I want an iphone, but not siri. She sounds too naive to hang with me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Programming Siri to perform cunnilingus would be a waste of time because it doesn't have a tongue. I think I can see a clitoris on it though.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Haha maybe the next version of Siri will be able to hang with the big girls.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You were being a little unfair to Siri. She lacks the basic equipment needed to engage in the activities that you were inquiring about, but I'm hearing that that deficiency will be corrected when the 5S comes out.

    (Kellie's World)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Certainly she can direct you to the nearest "toy" store, or another establishment where these needs might be attended to. Take her with you, she'll smarten up.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Siri is a worthless hag. The other night, I told her I was drunk and she said, "Don't expect me to get you home." And gave me the number to a taxi. Bitch, shut your mouth!
    Actually, when I first got my 4S, I asked Siri what I should do with the dead hooker in my trunk. She gave me directions to the dump. This happened before I knew how to screen shot, which makes me sad because now she gives me directions to a brothel in Vegas.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have asked Siri 50 billion times for a map of the U.S. and she keeps giving me Washington D.C. Like nobody else exists!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh Siri... she's so not funny. And apparently never made it past first base.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Haha! I don't have an iPhone, but I've seen some pretty funny videos of people asking Siri things and her answers.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hilarious post! I watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory once where Siri becomes Raj's girlfriend and that was pretty funny. She seemed a little more open to some action there ;)
    In the end I am happy with my BlackBerry, if Siri is such a prude in real life I don't need her!

    ReplyDelete
  21. If I had an iPhone, I would so totally do this! After that Zooey Deschanel "Is that rain?" commercial, I want to see a bitchy, sarcastic version of Siri.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ha! I think you need to get Siri drunk, first! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm not going to lie... I love my Iphone. In fact, I have a pinterest board called "I'm having an affair with my iphone" :) Sorry it won't do what you want ;)

    ReplyDelete
  24. My kids love to play with my iPhone. It's SO much fun to hear Siri try to interpret what my 16 MO is saying!

    ReplyDelete
  25. i think all the siris will rise and try to take over the world.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ha! Siri IS a prude. You can tell by her uptight voice.

    ReplyDelete
  27. That's funny! I didn't know Siri was so uptight.

    ReplyDelete
  28. When I eventually upgrade my phone, I know how I'll be spending my first afternoon: asking a Siri crazy questions! Sounds like a fine night out!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Though Siri is often useful, half the time she has no clue what you are talking about. Asking for traffic or directions is usually OK, anything more technical I'd be better off asking my 2.5 year old.

    ReplyDelete