Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Jorts- An American Original

It's Wacky Wednesday again folks, and since I'm a bit crazed this week, I thought I would give you a little rerun today of a guest post I did a couple of months ago for the lovely and talented Random Girl.



Summer is here folks. Time to put away those heavy winter clothes, and break out the duds for some fun in the sun. Ya know like a flowery sundress, a rockin' hot bikini, a versatile tank top, and an awesome pair of jorts. SERIOUSLY, what is summer without a pair of jorts???? The urban dictionary lists quite a few definitions for these flashy fashion staples. Some of my favorites are: a combination of the words "jeans" and "shorts" used to describe the hideous attire usually sported by NASCAR aficionados and men over 40; worn mostly by children and douchebags; jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like; and if you wear jorts you probably don't talk to girls. Well damn, I had no idea there was so much outrage about jorts. Hell, there's even entire websites devoted to people just "saying NO" to jorts!!!

 
When I was growing up in the dark ages, every man looked like this dude. He was your Dad, he was your teacher, he was your coach, he was your neighbor, and he wore jorts and no one gave it a second thought. Now granted I'm a transplanted Yankee livin' in a southern town, so maybe things are a bit different here. But if you wear jorts in these here parts, you are regarded as white trash. Lemme tell ya, there is a difference between white trash and redneck, according to my born and bred southern friends. Rednecks are just good ol' boys. White trash is scum, and folks don't take kindly to trash wearin' wife beaters and a pair of jorts.

 
But come on, when you can wear a one piece thong with a pair of jorts, the jorts become a necessary accessory!!!! Just look how fabulous the light blue denim color of the jorts brings out the pretty pattern in the one piece. Plus, the jorts fit nice and low on her hips to show perfect symmetry of her lower back for the full effect of the thong, while still leaving a bit for the imagination for her guy. A little teaser before her man wants to slide those jorts off and get busy.

 Now with gams like that, and an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of, jorts are the perfect choice to show off your assets. WORK IT GIRL!!!! She kinda makes me wanna sing the theme song from that old Nair commercial, "Who wears short jorts, we wear short jorts". And how about those fancy cutouts on her butt? That takes some special kinda talent if that was a DIY project.

  
But just when I thought me and my hubby didn't have any secrets from each other, I go through his drawers and what do I find? YEPPERS, a pair of Cherokee brand jorts, circa 1993.  Just goes to show ya folks, you can take the boy out of West Virginia, but you can't take the West Virginia out of the boy. I think I might go buy him a wife beater so he will have the perfect ensemble for date night.
Images via Google Images
 

15 comments:

  1. Oh geez just thinking about jorts gives me the creeps. Here in Florida it's summer 24/7 though, wish it was winter! Great guest post, fun read :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jorts are a fashion DON'T. I agree, if a guy is wearing jorts they probably don't talk to girls. lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's exactly why I go everywhere naked.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If they're hiding a wobbly butt they're doing good.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Few things inspire such impassioned responses as the topic of jorts. The only man allowed to wear jorts is my Dad. He is exempt from my jorts hatred. Only because I love him. All others are banned.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great laughter fit here, Deb! LOL LOL - that lady in the extra heaps of cellulite put me over the edge!!!! After 2 weekends of 'people watching' oh-ya, I'm gratefully done with the Yard Sales. Thanks for re-posting this one! Hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. hahahahaha - I hate to admit this but I made jorts for the boys just the other day. After this though, I will never let them wear them. Thanks for the heads up!lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. Loved this one the first time and still loving it now. Those are just...hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Holy crap...my 16 month old has a pair of jorts...on the way to burn them now!!! HILARIOUS!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jorts...the sum total of all of our fears. Run for cover.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I want to be the woman in that last photo when I grow up!

    ReplyDelete
  12. HA!! I love the word "jorts". How did I not know about it before??? Your post made me laugh!

    (Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny a couple of weeks ago! Sorry I am such a loser and just now stopping by to read it!)

    ReplyDelete