Thursday, May 10, 2012

What a Wiener!!!

As Mother's Day approaches I can't help but reflect on all of the colorful Moms that have been in the news lately. Jessica Simpson had the longest pregnancy on record, blowing up like the Goodyear Blimp, and finally popping out an ultra girlie girl named Maxwell Drew. Then there's the leather faced tanning Mom who allegedly took her 6 year old daughter into a tanning booth with her. But this gal pictured above gets my vote this year for Mother of the Year simply for her entrepreneurial spirit.

Yeppers that is 45 year old Catherine Scalia, dubbed the Hot Dog Hooker, for sellin' a wee bit more than just the usual hot dogs and fries out of her camper turned hot dog stand. For a few extra bucks Mrs. Scalia will lick the relish off your wiener. Combining something as American as hot dogs, with the world's oldest profession is simply brilliant!!!!!  First of all, this mother of 4 boys has the business sense to turn her camper into a food truck while selling hot dogs in a bikini. The girl certainly knows how to attract customers. Ya gotta set yourself apart in this tough market folks and try something unique. As we all know, SEX SELLS, and this woman is just using her best assets.

 Catherine Scalia's mug shot

Apparently this business tycoon has business cards advertising "her specials". These ain't no ordinary blue plate specials folks, and believe me you get a lot more than just super sizing your order of fries and a drink. An undercover cop purchased a "special" for a mere 100 bucks which entitled him to a striptease at her house later that evening. Then Mrs. Scalia offered to perform sexual acts for only $50 more. I guess the po po didn't think that was such a great deal 'cause they arrested the Hot Dog Hooker right there on the spot. DAMN, the poor girl was just tryin' to negotiate a two-fer deal. Personally I think that's a bargain. A private striptease and sex for only $150. You don't get that kind of action at Gentlemans' Clubs. Seriously dude what was really goin' on here??? Ya didn't like the condiments she was slatherin' on your sausage? Her bun wasn't warm enough? She took a bite out of your wiener?  GEEZ, you don't have to go arrestin' a gal for tryin' to satisfy her customer. I'm sure she would have comped you with an order of onion rings or somethin' if you simply lodged a complaint.

Now Mrs. Scalia denies the prostitution charge, and says she pleaded guilty only to stripping. She's back selling hot dogs in her bright pink bikini. Atta Girl!!!!! A good business woman won't be deterred by an angry customer. I say keep the ol' standbys like mustard, ketsup and relish for the unadventurous sort, but spice things up a bit with some onions, chili and slaw for the uninhibited. Some men prefer their wieners hot and spicy!!!!! Just remember to wrap up those pigs in a blanket 'cause safe sex has to be your best seller!!!!

Story: Here and Here

10 comments:

  1. Wow, there really is a market for everything as proven time and time again. She is offering the ultimate "bundle" offer for her products. Great business plan!

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  2. Probably has more to do with her hideousness.

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  3. That woman doesn't look like she sells sex. She looks like she sells violent, unforgettable rape, and she does not accept no for an answer.

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  4. This was truly brilliant! I hadn't heard of this lady and her...ahem...hot dog stand, but you certainly made the read worth it! Your puns and metaphors, and double-entendres were fabulous! Funny and terrific piece of writing!

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  5. You had me dying at "licking the relish off your wiener."

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  6. Ok, that tanning mom woman was INSANE. Did she see what she looked like?? LOL This is a great idea for mommy's day!

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  7. Nothing like full hot dog service. She doesn't look like she serves with a smile though.

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  8. "For a few extra bucks Mrs. Scalia will lick the relish off your wiener." I almost spit out my drink when I read this. Probably unlike Mrs. Scalia. Hilarious.

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