Friday, May 4, 2012

The Ultimate Tan!!!

No folks, that is not an escapee from The Planet of the Apes, that is actually a Caucasian woman with the ultimate tan!!!! Her name is Patricia Krentcil, a New Jersey mom, who is being charged with child endangerment after allegedly allowing her 6 year old child to use a tanning bed. Mrs. Krentcil denies the charges and says her daughter received a sunburn from going outside on a recent warm day. Come on, give the poor woman a break. The child was probably throwing a tantrum and Momma Ape threatened that she was "going to tan her hide", and Momma damn well followed through on her discipline. And why send your kid outside to get nice and bronzed when they would so enjoy laying in one of those spaceship type contraptions?????? How cool would a kid think that was to lay in that futuristic looking machine and pretend they were blasting off into space when those awesome blue lights come on. You take your Barbies in there for some company and have yourself some out of this world kinda fun!!!!

Now seriously, Mrs. Krentcil could certainly give anybody a run for their money in the Banana Boat ultimate tanning contest. I don't know if Banana Boat sells that exact shade of primate copper/brown, so this chick could stand out among the crowd. Being unique and all can really work to her advantage. Oh and I'm pretty sure the words "natural" are on the outside of the Clorox bottle, so she can bill herself out as a "natural blond with the ultimate tan". The prizes are BIG in that contest folks I'm tellin' ya.

Here is another shot of the bronzed beauty in court. How many of you can guess her age? I showed this photo to my 16 year old son and he guessed 65. Sorry son, she's a young'un at only 44. He was honestly shocked and said, "Seriously, she is younger than you"?????? AAAAAAWWWWWWW, wasn't that a nice compliment????? Yeppers, it don't take much maintenance to look like a spring chickin' compared to one that's been charbroiled.



What I'm thinkin' is that Mrs. Krentcil has a gold mine staring right back at her in the mirror. She should sell her skin to the local tannery to be made into all kinds of fancy leather products. Purses, wallets, belts, shoes, and boots are BIG business. Hell, this is the PERFECT opportunity for a self professed "tanner" like herself. Cut out the middle man. Her skin is already processed and colored like the most desirable shade in leather goods. No need to bring in a professional tanner. It's a win/win folks!!!!

Images: Google Images and Here

16 comments:

  1. You have to be some kind of special crazy to look in the mirror and feel good about yourself when you look like that. I think the pale lipstick really finishes the look.

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  2. She'd def make a nice colored hand bag. Gawd this story makes the bile rise in my belly. I can't believe what some people do to themselves and to think she'd actually allow her child to get in a tanning bed. Gawd I hope not. Scary ass ape woman!!! Happy Friday lady!

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  3. Straight to the loony bin!!!! Whacko!!!! (I'm not in the mood for a** holes today!!! LOL!!)

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  4. I think they made her darker for the interview with trying to match a makeup base to her skin color....gross.

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  5. If there was ever someone crying out for Dr. Phil, it's this woman. She obviously has some body dysmorphia situation going on and she needs to be saved from herself before she passes the crazy onto her offspring.

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  6. Mmmmm.....jerky. Thanks a lot, now I'm hungry.

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  7. That is definately a sickness! Holy Canoli

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  8. Snooki has declared this mom "crazy." So you know it's bad...

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  9. Holy crap on a cracker! That's so wrong!

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  10. There was a clip of her on the news last night saying that the color was from makeup and I quote "It's a bronzer. A powder. A cream". No. No makeup can turn you that Crayola crayon color. Seriously, she reminds me of the Burnt Sienna crayon in my Crayola 64 pack. I feel bad for her. Real friends/family would step in and stop her from tanning.

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  11. I found this interesting in that the glow of a tan is supposed to signify health in our culture while this pitiful woman is probably anything but healthy. I fear for that child of course.

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  12. Her skin is just crying out for help. Well, it can't really cry since tears require moisture. But you know what I mean.

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