Monday, May 14, 2012

Chillin' Out!!!

Whew, the dog days of summer will soon be here, and all of us will be sweatin' our asses off singin' that catchy little tune by Nelly, "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes......"  But there is good news for the ladies, 'cause the Japanese underwear company Triumph Japan, has invented this Super Cool Bra which has cups filled with gel that can be frozen. There is even a traditional Japanese wind chime that dangles between the cups that is believed to sound refreshing, and a bamboo ladle thrown in for good measure in case the wearer wants a splash of water. It's taken all these years for women to suffer from sweat running down our cleavage, heat rash on the tender skin of our breasts, and our nipples feeling like they are about to spontaneously combust before someone stood up and took notice. THANK YOU TRIUMPH!!!!!

That's a whole new way to chill out out huh? Think of the savings on your electricity bill this summer 'cause the women folk will no longer need to turn up the AC on full blast. And anytime you men need a little frozen concoction, just ask your lady friend for a lick of her Popsicles. I'm sure she will be happy to oblige.  

Ya know my Daddy has this funny saying that I never really understood. When it's cold outside he says, "It's cold as a witch's tit". Now maybe I can freeze me up some of those gel cups, slide Thelma and Louise into the Super Cool Bra, ride around on my broomstick in this sweltering North Cackalacky heat, and finally know what it feels like firsthand to be cold as a witch's tit. I'll be so chilled out I may even cast a spell or two on some folks. HHHHHHMMMMMMMM, I wonder if Uncle Jeffy would describe me as "cold as a witch's tit" in the boudoir? If so, I might wanna heat those gel pads up in the ol' microwave before crawlin' between the sheets so he can feel me sizzle and think I'm one hot momma!!!! This super cool bra has some real possibilities. It can go from day to night. Cold during the day when you need to stay cool, but hot at night when you need to turn up the heat baby!!!!

Unfortunately folks, this ultra cool invention also contains my greatest fear. YES, the bra even has two small fish tanks. For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, you know my fear of fish stems from an incident about 27 years ago when I saw a fish jump out of a lake, bite my brother in law on the nipple, causing his nipple to bleed. TRUE STORY!!!!! You never forget something that fucking crazy!!!! Having fish swim around my bazookas would either cause me to go into cardiac arrest, or cause me to be admitted to the loony bin. And why in the hell should the guys in our life have to smell fish on our hooters when they already have to suffer through that down below???? SERIOUS design flaw I'm tellin' ya!!!!

However, leave it to the Japanese to think of everything. At lunch time, you can just reach into your bra, grab a fish, cut off its head and instant sushi. Talk about lunch on the go. Brilliant idea!!! As for me, I will have to inquire whether I can purchase my super cool bra without the fish tank option due to my phobia. If so folks, I'm gonna have me some cool chumbuwumbas this summer fo' sho!!!!

Many thanks to my old WVU buddy Mollie for sending me this awesome story!!!

Images Here and Google Images

16 comments:

  1. I just can't help imagining all of the crinkling noises you'd hear from that plastic through the day. On the plus side though, the chill factor would make the girls nice and perky!

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  2. Coldern a witches tit in a brass bra.

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  3. The cooling gel part I can see, but the fish tank extra feature is a little over the top as this girl sees it. Sounds like it would be very distracting in an uncomfortable way.

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  4. Just another way for the Japanese to pad their bras and make their boobs look bigger than they are. Those goldfish aren't fooling anyone, ladies!

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  5. well aren't they creative! what will they think of next?

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  6. LMFAO Oh, that's GREAT!!! Girl, I'm cracking up. I work with a Japanese company so I'm trying not to laugh to loud ;)

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  7. I'm going to have to skip this one, I can't imagine having a cold ass frozen bra with a fish aquarium built in. Those Japs are crazy! :)

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  8. LMAO is all I can say! Rocking post, Deb!

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  9. No way! Ha! I think the goldfish are for good luck, which you will need when the bra jell starts to melt and leak onto your clothes. Although, I think they should make one for moms who are breastfeeding; and who cares if they leak then, you'll have spit up all over you, and goodness knows what else!

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  10. With any luck the cold gel would make your nipples hard, so any fish that tried to bite them would break its teeth. Is there anything wrong with hard nipples?

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  11. Wow. omfg. i want itttt! and lol to this guy ^^

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