Hey folks, have you heard the news that has swept the nation, is on the cover of every tabloid magazine, and has been the top story of every entertainment news channel for the past two weeks? If not, you have been living under a rock. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged!!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!
After 7 years together and 6 kids jet settin' from one continent to the next, who the fuck really cares? Ya know there's that old saying "You never buy a car unless you test drive it first". Well hot damn, after 7 years of test drivin', Brad has kicked the tires, checked under the hood, and knows exactly what revs up Angie's engine. Why should he buy the car now when he's got a perfectly good "loaner"? Yea, I know the kids were puttin' on the pressure, but are they makin' the car payments? Doubtful.
But hey, one advantage to this engagement is Angie's scrawny twigs for arms. I'm sure the first thing on the agenda is the inevitable new tattoo she will be sportin' when she and Brad tie the knot. Ya know when she was married to Billy Bob Thornton she had his name tattooed on her arm. Well folks, the name "Brad" has much fewer letters than "Billy Bob", so maybe the tat will be perfectly centered on those skinny ass arms instead of wrapping all the way around ten times. That will be an awesome photo op for the paparazzi at all of those red carpet events.
And how about that 16 carat, one of kind ring that Brad helped to design, and is supposedly worth about $500,000? Ya gotta give the guy credit for knowin' how to put a ring on it fo' sho!!! DAMN, Angie sure can get her daily workout just by liftin' her left hand. No barbells required huh? But seriously, I think that ring is about the size of most ladies' compact mirrors that they carry in their purses. Angie can look for spinach between her front teeth in that bauble all day long.
Let's see if the happy couple will make history by being the first ever couple to actually take the surname of their children. Will they become Angelina and Brad Jolie-Pitt?????? Yeppers, can't say I've ever heard of a couple taking the surname of their children, but as we all know, it's Hollywood folks. And I really need to know this little tidbit because I plan on ordering something monogrammed for them when they make it official . Ya know like luggage tags for all of their worldly travels, or perhaps something more intimate from Adam and Eve. After all, every newly married couple needs a fresh new sex toy they can call their own.
And what's an engagement without a juicy scandal? I would be willing to sell my soul at Brad's bachelor party by jumping out of a cake and having a threesome with the bachelor and his BFF George Clooney. That way poor little Jennifer Aniston can finally say, "Karma's a bitch. Once a cheater, always a cheater". Yea, that's the kinda chick I am. Just tryin' to help a sista out ya know. What a sacrifice that would be. But I would suck it up for a "friend".<.me/55-open-ha href="http://yeahwriteangout/">