Monday, April 16, 2012
Smelling The Fear
Now my kids and Uncle Jeffy had been snorkeling for a few days right in front of our condo while I was perfectly happy sitting on my ass reading a trashy magazine sipping frozen alcoholic concoctions. But, a deal is a deal. The kids rode horses, so now it was my turn to snorkel. So there I am facing my fears head on with Ry Guy going out to the deep blue sea. All of the fish the guys were seeing over the past several days had been little colorful fish, so I thought, "Cool, I can do this". You see those white buoys WAY out there in the picture. UH HUH, Ry Guy and I swam out there, which was about 50 yards from shore. Everything was fine and dandy and the little fish were really pretty. I have to admit that I was gettin' the hang of this snorkeling thing and my confidence was building.
We made it back to shore safe and sound and I promptly self medicated with a frozen fruity drink with an extra shot of rum, and a 1/2 of a Xanax to calm down my nerves. I was literally shaking from head to toe. We described the fish to a scuba instructor who said, "Oh Yea that was a barracuda, they are out there all the time". Had I known that the silver fish that swam underneath my belly was a fucking barracuda, I would have surely had a heart attack and died on the spot, and poor Ry Guy would have had to witness his mother sinking to her watery grave.
A few hours later when the medication had cured me, Ry Guy wanted to go play tennis. AAAAAHHHHHH, something nice and easy. Hittin' a little yellow ball around. No problem. We go down to the tennis courts and have ourselves a good ol' time swattin' the ball back and forth for about 20 minutes. I hit Ry Guy a ball, he misses, turns to pick it up and I hear the most GAWD AWFUL scream I have EVAH heard come out of that boy's mouth.
The only thing I know for sure about that crazy ass day is that the critters in Grand Cayman smelled our fear and came lookin' for us. The silver fish of the sea smelled my fear and swam right underneath me to show me he was the king and I was invading his castle. Then the iguana smelled fear on my boy and wanted to show him we were stepping on his territory. I'm tellin' ya folks, wear your deodorant, try not to sweat, and NEVAH let 'em smell the fear 'cause you will be in a heap of trouble!!!!
Images via Google Images