Friday, April 20, 2012

Lunch on the Go


Have you ever gone grocery shopping and found yourself sharing the aisles with the same person over and over again? Such was the case with me the other day as I was doing my big Sam's Club shopping.  I kept seeing this one particular family. They were an imposing bunch in the amount of space they were taking up in each aisle because they had 2 shopping carts. One shopping cart held 2 toddlers in the very front, much like the picture above except they were facing outward, or backwards so I could see their tiny faces at every turn. The main compartment of that cart was taken up by a baby locked in a baby carrier. The other shopping cart held all of their items they were going to purchase. There were 2 women accompanying these 3 children.

Now as I made my way around the store it seemed as if I kept running into this particular family. They always seemed to stop at every food sample station and I had to navigate my cart around their 2 carts. All fine and dandy. I had my list and I was on a mission. I never really thought much about it until I was directly behind them in the check out line.

As they are placing their items from the one cart onto the check out belt, they open up their $4.99 rotisserie chicken and just start chowin' down right there in line. Each toddler gets a leg and is just happy as a clam. The women are rippin' into the chicken, lickin' their fingers, all the while just placing their industrial sized package of toilet paper, frozen raviolis and tampons onto the belt. I'm lookin' around wondering if no one else is thinkin' this is a bit strange except me.

But then it clicked. These women are fucking geniuses!!!!! They just fed their kids and themselves for under 5 bucks, got a bunch of free appetizers, didn't have to take the kids out of the cart, got all of their shopping done while filling up their tummies and they are on their merry way. Talk about the queens of multi-tasking. Brilliant idea!!!!

Now I have 2 growing teenage boys so I'm going to adopt their method to suit my own personal style. I hear the free samples are better on the weekends, so I'm takin' my kids to Sam's around dinner time tomorrow to stock up on all the free appetizers. Then I'm thinkin' we will "borrow" one of their nice shiny grills to fire up our juicy steaks we just purchased in the meat department. No sense puttin' the wear and tear on my grill at home when they got 'em right there in the center section. Plus, they got all the comforts of home at Sam's. Hell, I can try out a folding chair, a lounge chair, or even a desk chair while my steak is grillin'. My boys can toss around a football or a Frisbee 'cause they got those too in the toy section. Seriously, may as well make a night out of it. I can grab a DVD or two, pop it into one of their DVD players and watch a movie. They even have microwave popcorn and microwaves so I'm set for the entire evening. Oh and let's not forget their awesome selection of beer and wine. I'm tellin' ya folks, those ladies who lunched on the go taught me a lesson I can certainly use.

The only thing Sam's Club is lacking is an after hours activity department. I'm reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" right now and if Uncle Jeffy and I want to act out any of the scenes, we need a fully stocked hardware section. I guess I'll have to talk to management about that.

10 comments:

  1. Just be sure your family is well armored! Those folks on weekends are grubbers!! They "Occupy the Samples" and it gets nasty!!! Serious stuff!! LOL!

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  2. Do people really do that? Rip open a cooked chicken and have a feeding frenzy with TODDLERS in the check out line?? I don't know that I would have been able to resist whipping out my iPhone and videoing that whole tragic assault on common sense. Really people? Really??

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  3. this grosses me out a bit, but I have done this with bread in the checkout lane....the kid is happy and mom can pay for her crap with out whiny baby :)

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  4. Wow, I wish I had thought of that roasted chicken idea - I mean you could even eat your potato wedges too! Then you'd never get stuck eating cold nasty potato wedges at home.

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  5. Oh, that is so gross! Do they not realize that shopping cart handles have more bacteria on them than toilets? I wash my hands as soon as I can after leaving a cart.

    There are families who pick up food at the beginning of their Walmart shopping experience at the deli for their kids and before they have to pay for it they stash the empty bags behinds shelves...free meal!

    Honestly, though, ripping a whole chicken apart in a lane...ughhh!

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  6. Very good idea! Shopping makes me cringe though. Im stervin!

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  7. Your funny. I've always wanted to go film something at IKEA. I mean they have all these little rooms set up and I could just have someone with a camera follow a cast around and make an improv film, no permits.

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  8. They couldn't wait until they got in the CAR before they broke out the chicken? "Here sis, hold my leg while I pay the guy, k?" I would not want to handle that credit card - dripping with the oil and grease from the chicken. They'd all had their appetizers, I'm sure they could have made it to the car. At least.

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  9. They just started chowing down on a damn chicken in the middle of the check out line?? Girl, that ain't genius, that's so unsanitary!!! I hope they used their industrial size toilet paper to wipe the grease off at least. I mean, think of the coodies they touch in the store and then using those same coodies filled hand to eat. Bleh!! hahahahaha

    Have a great weekend!

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  10. One of those ridiculous Jackass movies won me over for one stunt only - when one of the guys took a dump in a display toilet at some furniture/antique store. I don't think Sam's sells toilets or I'd have to ask where you draw the line.

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