Friday, March 2, 2012

You Can Depend On Me!

Yesterday was my day to break the bank and go to Sam's Club and stock my family's shelves and freezer for the month. I was in the vitamin aisle, which as you all know is a hot bed for the geriatric crowd, and I passed a 65'ish year old woman whose cart was packed to the gills with nothing but Depend undergarments. She seriously had to hold the boxes with one hand while pushing her cart with the other so that the boxes didn't fall over. I looked at the fish oil and CoQ10 that I was buying to help control my cholesterol, and I thought to myself, well HOT DAMN, I ain't doin' so bad!!!!!! I can still control my bladder most of the time, with the exception of sneezing, coughing, or laughing too hard. Oh yeah, and there is that jumping rope thang. That just ain't happenin' without some serious leakage. It Depends on the exertion level. Hey, I did have two kids, so cut me a break. But all in all, I'm doing pretty well.

At least I'm not lookin' like Coach Bobby Bowden here on a regular basis. I'm pushing the big 5-0 and most days still proud to say I wear my low rise Hanky Panky thongs with pride. But I guess that Depends on personal preference. Some folks prefer full coverage and some folks go commando. DAMN, I just hope there NEVAH comes a time when my monthly visit to Sam's Club is relegated to loading up my cart with adult diapers. If that happens, just go ahead and shoot me 'cause I really don't know if I want to face that ugly fact of aging. There's just somethin' sacred about the ability to go to the potty on your own terms that makes life worth livin'!!!!! Then again that Depends on what you are lookin' for. Some people are perfectly happy to pull on their big girl diapers every morning.

This cartoon kind of says it all, except I'm protesting the designer Depends part. You can DEPEND on me to keep rockin' my designer thongs up my wrinkly ass until the day the dude at the crematory lights the match baby.

This post was written in response to a writing prompt called "Aging" at Studio 30 Plus.

Images: Here


  1. This was very funny and I guess I'm not doing so bad either!

    Great post!

  2. That cracked me up! You're right, life isn't that bad. Think of all the woman sitting down in diapers right now.

    Have a great weekend.

  3. Did you know they make them in a "lacy thong" version?

  4. I think I would have to order mine via mail. There is no way I would have a basket full at SAMS!lol
    And you rock that thong til your 85 and then some. Who says older women can't be sexy?

  5. HAHAHAHA....I always pee a little when I jump rope! I went to a fitness boot camp a few months ago and had to jump rope, but I kept having to stop because I couldn't totally "hold it in" The instructor (who was trying to motivate me I guess) kept yelling at me not to stop! It was horrible! Maybe I should have put on a pair of Depends before I went. I'm stopping by from the Tuesday Archive Link UP and am now a new follower:) Would love if you could follow back when you get a chance;)

  6. I'm also a new follower through the Tuesday Archive Link-Up ( and hope you'll check out my blog when you get a chance.

    I was also definitely graced with a warped and wacky sense of humor. Got that from my Dad's side. His grandmother actually died laughing. Had a fit of laughter at a birthday party, went upstairs to compose herself and never came back. That's how I want to go some day. :) They thought I did once - I managed to laugh myself unconscious from laughing so hard I wasn't breathing -- came too with someone dialing 911. I much prefer laughing so hard I pee a little LOL.

    And to Vanessa (above), I'm totally horrified to know there is a thong version of Depends!! It's late, so I better not fall asleep with that image in mind. Could provide for some crazy dream material!!! ;)