Monday, March 19, 2012

Junk on the Trunk

There's 22 year old William Paul Newkirk, who took a few hits of acid, and was found jumping on cars buck ass naked in one of Wilmington's oldest and most established neighborhoods on Friday afternoon. I must say I was SO pissed off when I heard the law dogs carted him off to the hospital. Yea I know he was charged with breaking and entering into a few homes, and that he snatched a lady's cellphone from her when she tried to call 911. But come on folks!!!!! Mr. Newkirk was providing some AMAZING, FREE entertainment to start off the weekend. Seriously, here I am a decent tax paying citizen, and there's some dude willing to let me check under his hood from the comfort of my own vehicle and I'm denied that right????? What a damn rip off.

Hell, I have some really good friends who live in that neighborhood, and I could have scored a sweet parking spot in front of their house, had a few cocktails, and could have seen a real live cock and tail right in front of me. And front and center seats can NOT be beat!!!! Do you people realize how much effort it takes to scratch and claw your way to front row seats at one of those all male reviews??????? You really take your life into your own hands with all of those screaming, liquored up women waiting to pull out your hair if you cut in front of them. Plus, this guy was doing the full monty baby!!!! Not just strippin' down to a g-string. Here was Mr. Newkirk willing to jump on cars in his birthday suit for free and the po po decided to lock him up. A disgrace to women everywhere I'm tellin' ya!!!!!

Yeppers, Friday afternoon in Forest Hills neighborhood could have been a helluva place for a bachelorette party or a girls' day out. A naked man jumping from car to car with his stick shift flapping in the breeze is a ONCE in a lifetime opportunity!!! Not to mention, he obviously has some acrobatic ability to be able to actually jump up on those automobiles. Every chick likes a dude with athletic prowess!!!! But maybe the poor guy had a spare tire and the police thought it was best for all concerned that they take him away. So I guess, instead of "junk IN the trunk", Mr. Newkirk coined a new phrase "junk ON the trunk".

Image: Here


  1. Sounds like he got the raw end of the deal.

    People have paid to see less, I suppose. But actually, thinking about it, he is just a few years older than my son.


  2. Ok, I agree with you girl! He don't look all that bad looking neither. Count on the popo to take away all our fun! Now if that was a lady flashing her lady bits, it'd be all ok! Sigh...

  3. lolz, thats awesome. This stuff never happens in my neighborhood, what a shame!

  4. I have visions of manly bits bouncing around as he's jumping around on cars... It's kind of a vision of ewwww

  5. As a fellow bachelorette, I'm with you! If he was fun to look at, I'd have even let him use my hood as his stage. Bring it and swing it baby!