Wednesday, March 14, 2012
The Jessica Simpson Phenomenon
Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday. Today is devoted to the billionaire bimbo Jessica Simpson who must have the longest pregnancy EVAH recorded. Seriously, haven't we all heard about her being pregnant now for at least two years??????????
So here's Jessica totally ripping off Demi Moore's iconic Vanity Fair cover 21 years ago. That's all fine and dandy I suppose 'cause Demi is the person Jessica needs to apologize to for stealing her glory. But folks, I got one word for this cover shot- PHOTOSHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Either that picture was taken 7 LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNG months ago, or the dudes in the photoshop department had a helluva party cuttin' and snippin' about 3 feet off the diameter of her belly and took about 5 pounds off each of her famous Double D's.
UH YEAH, here's a recent shot of Miss Simpson, lookin' like her baby bump turned into Mount Everest. And from the looks of those milk jugs, her big ol' bundle of joy certainly ain't gonna go hungry!!!!!! She could feed a small country in Africa with those chumbuwumbas!!!
Now before you get your panties in a wad and start thinkin' that I'm bashing a pregnant woman, I'm here to tell ya that I personally think pregnancy gives you a free pass. Hell, when I was pregnant with my second child, I had a cushy desk job and ate a 2 pound bag of peanut M&M's every 3 days. By my delivery date my ass could barely fit through my office door and I outweighed my husband by a good 10-15 pounds. My ankles were swollen up like Dumbo's after eatin' too many salty peanuts. NOT PRETTY!!!!!!! All I'm sayin' here is that I think it's a damn shame that the photo on some magazine is obviously not showing folks the true story. They are trying to glamorize a star's pregnancy when the woman is anything but a rockin' hot babe right now. Keep it real people, keep it real!!!!! Shove the air brush up your own skinny ass. Show the humongous belly, show the stretch marks, show the fucking cellulite!!!!!!!!
Now the real question becomes, how many Master Cleanses will it take the fashion mogul to go from this:
back to the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini clad days of old?????????
Images: Here and Google Images