Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Jessica Simpson Phenomenon

Welcome to another edition of Wacky Wednesday. Today is devoted to the billionaire bimbo Jessica Simpson who must have the longest pregnancy EVAH recorded. Seriously, haven't we all heard about her being pregnant now for at least two years??????????

So here's Jessica totally ripping off Demi Moore's iconic Vanity Fair cover 21 years ago. That's all fine and dandy I suppose 'cause Demi is the person Jessica needs to apologize to for stealing her glory. But folks, I got one word for this cover shot- PHOTOSHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Either that picture was taken 7 LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNG months ago, or the dudes in the photoshop department had a helluva party cuttin' and snippin' about 3 feet off the diameter of her belly and took about 5 pounds off each of her famous Double D's.

UH YEAH, here's a recent shot of Miss Simpson, lookin' like her baby bump turned into Mount Everest. And from the looks of those milk jugs, her big ol' bundle of joy certainly ain't gonna go hungry!!!!!! She could feed a small country in Africa with those chumbuwumbas!!!

Now before you get your panties in a wad and start thinkin' that I'm bashing a pregnant woman, I'm here to tell ya that I personally think pregnancy gives you a free pass. Hell, when I was pregnant with my second child, I had a cushy desk job and ate a 2 pound bag of peanut M&M's every 3 days. By my delivery date my ass could barely fit through my office door and I outweighed my husband by a good 10-15 pounds. My ankles were swollen up like Dumbo's after eatin' too many salty peanuts. NOT PRETTY!!!!!!! All I'm sayin' here is that I think it's a damn shame that the photo on some magazine is obviously not showing folks the true story. They are trying to glamorize a star's pregnancy when the woman is anything but a rockin' hot babe right now. Keep it real people, keep it real!!!!! Shove the air brush up your own skinny ass. Show the humongous belly, show the stretch marks, show the fucking cellulite!!!!!!!! 

Now the real question becomes, how many Master Cleanses will it take the fashion mogul to go from this:

back to the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini clad days of old?????????

Images: Here and Google Images


  1. BWAHAHAHA!! pregnant for 2 years....I KNOW RIGHT?! And I almost threw up a little when I saw that pic of her on the magazine...even WITH the photoshop! Blah. More power to women that like takign pics of the biggest their body will ever be, but for me pregnant women look like aliens or something. its kind of gross. (I have a kid so I can say it!)

  2. I'm not sure what it is, but I really like Jessica Simpson. I have a few of her shoes as well. They are resonably priced and fashionable! As far as her being pregnant for eternity, I agree! What's going to come out of there I have no clue...It's gotta be something good if it's been cooking that long. hahaha

  3. She hasn't been that skinny in a very long time, just saying. remember those MOM jeans, gawd dawg! Those we AWFUL! Now this pregger thing is something else. Sonofashiz she is sooooo big. like omg big. there is no way her dr is OK with this unless of course she is preggers like the octomom or something. holy crap!!! Agree though they must have taken that mag photo months and months and months ago. Gooooood lawd she's huge and I gained 50 pounds when I was preggers!

  4. Seriously? 21 years since Demi posed nude while pregnant? I needed that confirmation that I'm old.

  5. She looks better pregger than anorexic...

  6. It really is unfair that range of sizes a woman gets when pregnant. I had a gal walk into my office last weekend, and found out at the end of the conversation that was 8 months pregnant. She had to unzip her sweater and show her t-shirt to prove it. And she just had this barely medium sized baby-bump. It was nuts. Jessica could share some of that baby bump . . .