Monday, February 27, 2012

Redneck Red Carpet Recap

I'm going to take another stab at this fashion critique thingy since my Golden Globe redneck red carpet recap was so well received. I don't profess to be a fashion guru by an stretch of the imagination. Hell, I don't know the difference between Versace and Vera Wang and can barely pronounce those names, but I can give you a real woman's perspective on the whole deal. I'm the kind of chick who rarely gets out of yoga pants on a daily basis unless I have something important to do. If so, I'll dress up and throw on a pair of jeans. But I figure if Ozzy Osbourne's daughter Kelly is now regarded as some sort of fashion expert on the red carpet, there is a market for just about anybody. So here goes folks.

First of all, I'm sorry guys, but no one really cares what the dudes are wearing. A tux is a tux is a tux. They all look the same. Sure you can change it up with a different color shirt, or a bow tie vs. a regular tie, or a vest vs. a cummerbund. But, does it really make that much of a difference if you are wearing John Galliano or something off the rack from JC Penney?

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler take the award for the hottest couple of the night. I agree with all the experts that Ms. Keibler looks like a live female version of the oscar statue in that stunning gold dress. Oh and I LOVED the one shoulder action that was an extremely popular style on many stars last evening. Penelope Cruz looked like a princess in her Armani gown, and Angelina Jolie was just a vision in that thigh high cut slit. WHOO WEE!!!!!!

Now I ADORE me some Melissa McCarthy, and I think she is quite possibly one of the funniest women on the planet, but this ain't no joke. I seriously think I wore a dress quite similar to this one to my 1980 homecoming dance and it cost about $39.99 at Lerners. And what was up with the beautiful, perky Shailene Woodley who was quoted as saying she was "super stoked to be there"? She's the only 20 year old starlet with a rockin' hot body who decided to cover it all up in a dress fit for an 80 year old woman. Kudos to Michelle Williams for wearing a gorgeous coral dress, but damn girl, grow yourself some hair. I'm SO over the Mia Farrow look!!!!!

Jessica Chastain wins the award for the dress most resembling the wallpaper in my 1/2 bathroom. Yeppers, the pattern on her dress is pretty damn close to the ugly green patterned crap in my downstairs bathroom. It is a horrendous site, and if I had the money and time to get that shit off the wall it would be gone pronto!!! I sure as hell would NEVAH choose to wear a dress that even came close to looking like that hideous wallpaper.

In my redneck opinion J Lo looked VA VA VOOM!!!  On anyone else, that dress probably would have looked sleazy, but somehow on her it just worked. She was missing her hottest accessory though because Casper Smart was not on her arm as she walked the red carpet. Bummer!!!! And how about Cameron Diaz? That chick could seriously knock out the top heavy weight boxer in the first round with those guns.

And the oscar for the gown most resembling Princess Jasmine in Aladdin goes to Sandra Bullock. Honestly, that is one FUGLY dress folks, and she needs to eat about a dozen In and Out burgers to fit into it properly!!!!!!! And there you have it. Sure hope you enjoyed my attempt at keepin' it real for ya on the red carpet.

Images: Here, There, Everywhere


  1. ...and now I want some In and Out... GAHHH!!!

  2. I agree about the tuxes. I half wonder if some of the ladies pick the weirdest possible dress to get attention in the rags the day after...


  3. Hi..Thanks for the comment on my blog post. I see we're practically neighbors. Little River here. Will check out more of your blog soon. Barb

  4. nice review here :) my favourite is Milla Jovovich's dress.

    also liked Katy Perry's blue grammy dress :)

  5. I wanted to punch C Diaz and J-lo for that stupid turning stunt thingy. Stop trying to show up the winner, idiots!

    Didn't watch most of the awards show because it bored me, but I appreciate this recap very much. :-)

  6. I think McCarthy's dress would have been really nice without the sleeves.

    But then again, I have terrible taste, so... meh.

  7. Loved it!!! :) Love Diaz as for the res t of them not sure. that dress is awful and J Lo is the only one who could rawk that dress I think. lol...