Saturday, February 4, 2012

Gym Rats

I don't mind admitting that I'm a gym rat. That is my preferred source of exercise. I would rather poke a stick in my eye than go for a run. I can't imagine anything more boring than that. I need the constant stimulation of people and variety in my workout. Oh, and the gym MUST be co-ed. I never understood those ladies only gyms. Who wants to work out with a bunch of chicks??????? Testosterone baby is what gets me fired up!!!!!! I need to see those dudes with ripped muscles pumpin' some iron, and hearin' a few deep grunts every now and then is just icing on the cake.

I mean who wouldn't want to look at that guy on the left while they were working out? It just gets your blood pumpin'!!!! People watching at the gym is one of my favorite past times. I normally go to the gym as soon as my kids leave for school. Unfortunately, at the gym I go to, that means I work out with the geriatric crowd and other domestic goddesses like me. So, there's really not much in the way of people watching, other than the old man who wears the same USA sweat suit every single day, and the old geaser with the body odor so horrendous that he literally clears a 6 foot path wherever he walks. However, every now and then, I'll shake things up, and go to the gym across town, or go to the gym at a completely different time than normal. Those are the times when I really get a workout and a good laugh at the same time!!!!

The other day I was riding the stationary bike and a guy was on the treadmill beside me running backwards. Now I have seen people walking backwards on a treadmill, but never running. I was laughing out loud because he looked so flipping ridiculous that I'm sure everyone thought I was schizophrenic laughing to myself. I was just waiting for him to fall and bust his ass because he had to keep stopping and putting his hands on the sides of the treadmill to steady himself. What in the hell was he trying to prove?????? Then there's this certain chick who wears big ol' sunglasses to the gym to workout. She either thinks she's a movie star, or she's the victim of domestic violence. I ain't never seen her in any movies, so I don't know what's goin' on with her, but she lets those sunglasses slide down her nose while she's on the elliptical and I don't see any black eyes either. Maybe she's just hiding from the world. And the girls who wear full face makeup to the gym to attract men are just a hoot. As much as I sweat, if I wore makeup to the gym, I would be looking like some sort of scary movie gone horribly wrong!!!!

Oh and ya gotta love the personal trainers who stare at themselves in the full length mirrors rather than pay attention to their clients. And the steroid kings with their massive muscles and blown out veins. Those people just crack me up. But no one, and I mean NO ONE, scares me more than this one personal trainer I will call "Helga". She is this giant German looking shemale who sits on her fat ass and barks orders at her clients. First of all, I don't know how she has any clients, because who in the hell would want to aspire to look like a female who could lift a Volkswagen?????? She literally sits on one of those giant exercise balls and yells at her clients to lunge, squat, go deeper, bend forward, or give me 10 more. Then when she finally musters up the strength to get up, you can hear the ball give out a sigh of relief.

Whew, now I'm primed and ready to go have a few laughs at the gym on a Saturday morning. If Helga comes after me, I might be forced to run backwards on the treadmill.


  1. I've ran backwards on a treadmill before. It's an insane workout.

    I love the ones working the free weights who let out massive dinosaur-grunts. Why not just shout "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!!" and save us all some time trying to interpret?

  2. Ah, the life of the gym rat... I used to be one... then kids came along and my figure went to hell...

    It's refreshing to hear a girl talk about checking out the dudes, since most of the dudes are checking out the girls. (or the other dudes)


  3. I prefer to run, but lately it has been more of a fast pace. Funny post! I want to see Helga, now...

  4. lolz... I was a gym rat briefly, I miss it at times. Kinda hated it other times