Monday, February 13, 2012

First Date Doozies

I just returned from a few days in Chapel Hill, NC where I attended a continuing legal education class to keep my law license active. Although I have no plans to ever practice law again, I keep my license active just in case the hubby throws me out on my ass and I'm left to fend for myself. This class was two boring days of lectures with 790 other lawyers. SNOOZEVILLE!!!!!!! So, after 8 hours of stimulating legal learning, my brain was ready for some mindless entertainment.

I took a cab down to Franklin Street, which is THE happenin' street in the heart of The University of North Carolina. Believe me, New York City drivers ain't got nuthin' on Chapel Hill drivers. That was truly the scariest cab ride of my life!!!! My Nigerian cab driver was bobbing and weaving all over the road to avoid those crazy ass drivers. One car was actually perpendicular to all the other cars in the roadway. It was insane!!!

Anyway, I finally got to this cozy wine bar safe and sound and settled in with a nice glass of Cabernet. A couple came in and sat next to me, and by listening to their conversation, it was obvious that they were on their very first date. They both looked to be about 23'ish, college students of course, and had been through the drill of MANY first dates before. She was pale, red hair and freckles. He was your classic tall, dark and handsome. I immediately thought what a mismatch in the looks department. However, as soon as the dude opened his mouth, I realized there was a serious mismatch in the smarts department too!!!!!! He had a vocabulary of about 200 words.

The couple are doing the mandatory chit chat about their classes, projects, professors etc. She tells him she's preparing to go to medical school and wrapping things up at UNC. He is a theatre major, but for some reason starts every sentence with, "When I studied abroad". Guess that makes him sound smarter. At first I was playing a little drinking game with myself and taking a sip of wine every time he said that phrase, but the bartender couldn't fill up my wine glass fast enough, and my head started spinnin' around pretty fast. I have to say I was having a damn good time eaves dropping on these two. Then the dude starts telling the chick all about his "to do list". DAMN, I sure didn't have a "to do list" at age 23'ish. I was just thinking about the next good time. Believe it or not, the guy wants to go back and study abroad. SHOCKING!!!!!!!

Then the kiss of death. In all seriousness, the dude asks her, "What is your favorite country song"? I never got to hear her response because I laughed so hard that I literally spit my wine down my shirt and across my table and had to go to the bathroom to clean myself up. Damn, Cabernet doesn't taste near as good coming out your nose.

It was time for me to leave and reflect on some of my own first date horror stories. The one that I will NEVAH, EVAH forget is a guy who took me to a very nice dinner. I remember that I was wearing white pants and a purple silk shirt. He opened the ketchup to pour it on something and KABOOM!!!!! The bottle was spoiled and it completely exploded all over me ruining my entire outfit. Spoiled ketchup in my hair, all over my face and down over my silk shirt and white pants. I was so mortified and I suppose he was too. Guess the dude didn't like my new perfume of eau de rotten ketchup cause he never called me again.

So, on the eve of Valentine's day, does anyone have some really funny first date stories?

Images via: Google Images


  1. Well I didn't get to this one last night (shame on me) sadly I think I'e blocked all of my first dates out. I can't remember a single one, lolz.. Terrible isn't it?! Oh wells! Happy V-Day anyways!

  2. Having gotten married at 19, I didn't have too many 'first dates', but one does stand out. They guy took me through a drive through, I think it was Jack-in-the-Box, and then we took our food to Dulles airport and sat in the lobby and ate it while people watching.

    I also remember him having some thing about red shoes....

    .... There was no second date.