Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Bachelor Appeal

What is it about The Bachelor or The Bachelorette that is so damn appealing? I ask myself that question every single Monday night as I sit down with my giant goblet of wine and brace myself for the inevitable goofy one liners like: "I'm really ready to open myself up to the possibility of love this time" (translation- I can't wait to have rockin' hot sex with you); or "I've never felt this way before about ANYBODY" (translation- I have actually said this to all of my loser boyfriends); or my all time favorite, "When we're together, it just all seems SOOOOOOOOO right". UH HUH, while the bachelor, has 12 other babes he's feeding that same bullshit to night after night. Do those chicks actually believe that crap??????

I honestly can't figure out who is more stupid, the guy who amazingly always falls for the conniving bitch after being repeatedly warned about her, or me, for not only watching the damn show, but DVR'ing it just in case I miss one minute of the exciting drama. I even go so far as to tell my family that I'm "off limits" Monday nights from 8-10 PM so I can watch the Emmy nominated extravaganza in peace and read the live tweets from the hilarious @JenniferWeiner and @Possessionista. Believe me folks, the tweets are much more entertaining than the actual show.

When you really think about it, what is more natural than one lucky person being the object of 24 people's affection and that person having the luxury of the pick of the litter. Oh and it just so happens that every single person you date falls madly in love with you and wants to be your spouse after just 3 glorious dates. Happens all the time in the real world folks!!!! Isn't that how you found your happy ending? I was talking about the ridiculousness of this entire scheme with my friend Dennis and he said, "Yea well, they always go to those exotic places like Fiji. I could fall in love with Rosie O'Donnell in Fiji because everything is just so perfect". He's got a damn good point. Hell, I think I could even fall in love with Rosie in Fiji!!!!!!!!

It's no wonder the success rate of this reality show is so dismal. When these couples realize they have to make more decisions together than just whether they will order a pina colada vs a strawberry daiquiri, or whether they will have sex on the beach vs in the clear blue ocean, things just ain't as purty. Real life has a way of kickin' your ass sometimes and puttin' things in perspective. When the toilet overflows, the bank account is overdrawn, and you get one of those nasty viruses where crap is comin' out of both ends, does your fantasy fiance have your back? In most of these reality show situations, it seems not. The fame whores jump to the next reality show like The Bachelor Pad, or lobby to be the next bachelor or bachelorette so THIS time they can find TRUE love with another set of hopefuls because they BELIEVE in the process. The franchise certainly makes a believer out of me because I wouldn't miss the show for all the tea in China!!!!! I can't wait for Monday night!!! It's home towns baby!!!!!!!

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