Sunday, January 15, 2012

There She is...... Miss America!!!!!

Congratulations to Laura Kaeppeler, the cheesehead, who was crowned Miss America 2012 last night. WHOO HOO!!!!!!! And yes folks the blond is Miss America 2011 crowning her successor. Her claim to fame is that at 17 she was the youngest person ever to win the title. DAMN, her claim to fame should be that at age 18, she is the youngest person ever to look like she's 35. I guess that job of being Miss America takes its toll on a girl.

I love me a good beauty pageant. All those gorgeous babes struttin' their stuff, and pimpin' themselves out in front of the judges in their pursuit of the big title, and the fame and fortune that goes with it. Last night I was really pullin' for Miss SC, the former 234 pounder, who now looks rockin' hot in her bikini. But it was not meant to be. Let's be realistic here folks. You just know what her future holds. We're talkin' a few bags of pork rinds, a week's supply of corn dogs, and a freezer full of Hagan Daz to drown her sorrows.

My favorite line of the night was Miss Illinois who stated that the point of the evening gown competition was to "showcase the body I've worked so hard on". Hhhhhhmmmmm besides starving yourself, exercising until you pass out, and doing the master cleanse, how else do you describe fitting into a size 0 gown? But hey, it's all for the sake of being crowned Miss America!!!!

Now I did admire the winner's platform. She wants to help children of incarcerated adults, because her Dad spent 18 months in the big house for mail fraud. Can't you just see that bodacious babe walkin' into the stoney lonesome with her sash and crown doing some mentoring. Holy God, those thugs will be goin' outta their damn tree when she walks by their cells. She better take a water resistant shield with her for all the bodily fluids that are going to be launched her way.

And what's a beauty pageant without the ever present fall out scandals. Stay tuned folks 'cause some contestant is sure to have posed nude for some magazine, or someone will do something "inappropriate" like partying too much, opposing same sex marriage, or endorsing a product not of the caliber thought to be of the quality of a beauty queen.

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