Monday, January 16, 2012
Redneck Red Carpet Recap
Tilda Swinton, pictured above, wins for the best impersonation of a member of the Flock of Seagulls. She's either that, or David Bowie in drag, I'm not sure which. Zooey Deschanel wins for most creative fingernails with her tuxedo painted nails. Michelle Williams takes the prize for the dress most resembling my grandmother's curtains, and Emma Stone with her low voice and masculine aura, wins for just being a dude in a fugly dress.
Seriously now, the best dressed award has to go to Charlize Theron, despite the big ass bow on her waist that looked like an extra appendage. There really should be a law for anyone to be that stunningly gorgeous. A close second was Kate Beckinsale. Everyone made such a big deal when Brad and Angelina arrived that you would have thought it was the second coming of Christ. Angelina's dress was so tight she could barely move, and she walked like she had a stick up her ass. It had a bright red envelope looking thing on the top of it where I think the Foreign Press Association kept all of the winners hidden until show time.
One thing I do know for sure, 2012 was definitely the year of skin tight mermaid dresses with feathers on the bottom. And I can tell ya folks, there ain't a pair of Spanx to be found within a 200 mile radius of Hollywood right now.
Images via: http://www.digitalspy.com/celebrity/i385244-8/best--worst-dressed-at-the-golden-globes-berenice-bejo.html