Yesterday afternoon my friend Grayson and I went to see "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close". At the risk of ruining the movie for you, I expected much more from two Oscar winning actors Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock. But, I love me an early afternoon movie, getting out when it's still daylight, then going for afternoon cocktails. Ya gotta soak up all of that popcorn ya know, especially since we splurged and split a large one.
After a few errands, I was still in the movie mood, so I was scanning through the TV channels at home and found a four hour movie coming on Lifetime at 8 PM. YES, I did say four hours and I did say Lifetime. What is is about the Lifetime channel that just sucks you in???? I mean if the washed up, second rate actors and actresses don't give you a clue that the movie is going to be notoriously bad, I don't know what will. But I pay no never mind, I'm attracted to that station like flies on shit. I put on my comfy PJ's, pour me a jumbo glass of Cabernet, cover up with my favorite snugglie, and I'm ready for an evening of Oscar winning performances.
Now this "movie" was billed as a "miniseries" so I'm expecting GREATNESS!!!!! I think it was called "Bitter Blood" and it starred Kelly McGillis, who was Tom Cruise's love interest in "Top Gun" and who is now gay in real life. I don't know when this movie was filmed, but lemme tell ya, she took a complete nose dive from when she was in Top Gun. Nobody is gonna be singin' her, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" fo' sho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As always, this Lifetime miniseries becomes a train wreck that I can't look away from. I rarely EVAH stay up past 9 PM, but I'm invested in this stupid ass movie, so I keep on pouring more wine and my rational mind says "Deb, this is completely crazy, who cares how this movie ends"? However, the wacko, illogical Deb wins out as always and replies, "You CARE Deb because it's based on a TRUE STORY"!!!!!! Yeppers, that " based on a true story" crap gets me every single time. So I tell Conner to swing through McDonald's and get me a double cheeseburger on his way home from his high school dance. I'm in this gig for the long haul baby!!!!!!!!!
This AMAZING miniseries was about a couple who had two kids, got divorced, and ended up in a bitter custody dispute. The wife was a complete lunatic and moved to Winston-Salem, NC where she reconnected and fell in love with her first cousin who was a gun and bomb fanatic. The wife and cousin ended up killing 5 members of their immediate family so she could retain custody of the kids. But then the climatic conclusion. The cops are chasing the van in which the wife, cousin and two kids are fleeing. Folks, I'm sure you could give a rat's ass whether I ruin this ending for you huh? Then BOOM, the entire van blows up. Those crazy mother fuckers blew themselves up. I literally could NOT sleep last night thinking about those people blowing up those innocent children. I know it was only a Lifetime movie, but the tombstones at the end with those boys' names on it, just ripped my heart out. What kind of a monster does that? Blowing yourself up is one thing, but you don't blow up your kids!!!!!!!
Of course like all Lifetime movies, they flash up the dramatic "where are they now" statistics. They determined that the psycho MOM actually detonated the explosive device. Gee, thanks, now I won't sleep for weeks!!!!! Then came the ol' disclaimer, "there are thousands of child custody disputes in the United States, the one you just witnessed was an extreme example". Ya think???? So folks, am I the only sucker who watches this crap, or am I just the only idiot who will actually admit to it?????